In response to overwhelming requests to “add this douche…” we’ve created a suggestion page. Here’s your chance to tell the world who you think deserves to be punched in the face. Leave your suggestions as comments below. And please post responsibly.


1,658 Responses

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  2. i have a neighbor and a couple others that truly need some punchin’

    For example I have a neighbor that almost never says hello unless first greeted. I have been invited a couple of times to the gatherings they have but it’s been a neighbor relationship from their behalf majority of the time. I have invested the Hey how are ya 9 out of ten times out of general friendliness and simply because it is nice and only a decent thing to recognize your neighbor when you notice (especially after having them in your home) that they are out in their yard.

    So, I decided to stop saying hello and never got any hello’s and then heard some remarks about me being fake etc. I think when the shoe is on the other foot it really sucks for people that are so full of themselves. They have continued to spread this poison to others that have been at their get togethers, and now other neighbors who are viewing me in a different light now. I guess this is how high school clickdom never ends for some. I am sick of this bullshit and would LOVE TO JUST PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE. One of them is a lady so I won’t do that BUT she does deserve a swift kick 🙂

  3. Excessive exercise grunter
    girl holding blackberry in hand while purse hangs from said wrist
    emphasis on the letter ‘s’ gay guy
    man fupa man
    fake glasses emo kid
    guy who still wears ‘jorts’

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  4. pretty sure osama bin laden just got the ultimate punch in the face… headshot!

  5. on 04/07/2011 at 1:23 PM | Reply JeffBridges

    Early Morning Noise Maker

    Whether it be your inconsiderate roommate,overzealous construction worker outside the window, loud mouth birds, or Cynthia during the elevator ride, the fact remains. Its morning. Lets just tone it down and let me reflect on how much my life sucks. Why are you so happy anyway? Cut it out or else I’m going to wipe the sleep boogers out of my eyes and give you a 5 hour energy punch right to the throat.

  6. Shit for brains, gorilla anus, douche-nozzle Republican talk show hosts such as Rush Limbaugh.

    Two seconds of your air-fouling gob-flap make me want to chainsaw your grill.

  7. I’d like to nominate people on public transit (buses, subways, etc.) who play music without headphones. It’s always crappy music that I don’t want to hear, and besides, it’s illegal here in Montreal, but people do it anyway because they always get away with it. I’d like to punch them so much!

  8. on 03/05/2011 at 12:10 PM | Reply ussjimmycarter

    Men who climb out of their Volvo’s (back end full of “imagine peace” type bumper stickers) and they are wearing Clogs! They need a face punch and while they are laying on the ground bleeding, the Clogs need to be removed and shoved up their asses!

  9. on 03/03/2011 at 2:50 AM | Reply Sandra Bit

    Self-righteous meat eaters. The only people it’s acceptable to make fun of these days are fat people and vegans, so vegans seem to get a lot of abuse, especially from meat-eating ignoramuses. I’d like to nominate the carnivores who just can’t stop themselves from pointing out how the way they eat is normal and that anyone who doesn’t eat meat is wrong and a freak. Whaddya think animals are for? We’re supposed to eat them. Humans are supposed to eat meat! I don’t think that way and I’m not even a vegetarian. I hate those people and would love to punch every single one of them. Over and over.

  10. on 03/02/2011 at 4:48 AM | Reply HippiesSuck

    People who deserve it:

    -Fugly Sorority girls who think they are hot
    :its bad enough you are hard to stare at, but denial and a fake display confidence just makes it about ten times worse. ….Warning: they commonly travel in throngs.

    -Hippie-mimicking college students
    :Your moms and dads are paying for you to smoke weed and listen to trip-hop….just because you like to party doesn’t make you a direct decedent of a flower child…..we all like to party but its not 1969 anymore….

    -The “mid-song-changing” self appointed party DJ
    :we don’t want to hear each song changing in the middle of the chorus no matter how much you like the next one.

    -Self righteous anything
    :these people suck, always have and everyone knows it.

    -The “Everyone is a Creeper” friend
    :Falls in like with the cock blocker but the most notorious one for women. People go to bars to meet other people and get laid when work unleashes the gag-ball it places in our mouths. The “everyone is a creeper” girl has kept their friends vaginas in their pants for far too long at fornication’s expense. Just because you cant get laid doesn’t mean you have to ruin every man’s chances with your better looking friends sweetheart.

  11. on 02/08/2011 at 3:47 PM | Reply Extremely Annoyed

    People who make sound effects for every move that they make.


    Smokers who sound like they are literally coughing up a lung every fifteen minutes.

  12. People who walk on the sidewalk like a bad driver on the road.
    * Suddenly stopping without bothering to notice that there are people behind them, causing a train wreck.
    * Or walking down the sidewalk/hall and suddenly turning and changing direction. When you drive you use turn signals, when walking you can look behind you to make sure that no one is trying to pass you because you are walking too slow.
    * Swirving across the sidewalk… when you try to pass this person, they swirve in front of you and maybe even into oncoming pedesetrians.

  13. Stingy Fast Food Ketchup Supplier

    I just ordered three large fries and when I ask for ketchup you give me two packets. Are you crazy? With the amount of liquid tomato contained in a single pack I would be lucky to lather one supper long fry.

    There must be some kind of French Fry-to-ketchup conversion chart or something.

    Constant Movie Quote Guy

    The guy who quotes movie lines all day no matter how obscure. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out if he has any original thoughts of his own. My sister says this is me.

  14. People who think they’re “blessed” because they have so many cheap, lazy friends who wish them a Happy Birthday on Facebook

  15. –The person who invented LOL, and those who use it whether they are or not – especially grown men

    –People who think they sound smart when they say “between my friend and MYSELF”

    –Triple-wide stroller-pushers, period

    –People who say “Happy New Year” into the double digits (my response is “no”)

    –Grown women who talk baby talk and say things like “so fun”

    –D’bags who light up and smoke butts under cramped, enclosed sidewalk covers erected during construction

    –Sanctimonious pseudo-intellects who bash reality tv stars for exploiting their 15 minutes

  16. Women with giant purses on trains….extremely annoying when it’s crowded and you’re standing there with a bag of crap brushing up against you.

  17. on 12/21/2010 at 3:52 AM | Reply magiccat179

    Braggarts deserve a punch in the face!

  18. People who throw their cigarette butts on the ground. Smoking is disgusting to begin with, and now my dog eats your cigarette butts! So not only are you polluting the air, and being a litter bug, but you are poisoning all the dogs in NYC!

  19. The people who think their opinion about things other people are doing is important, even when it is in no way bothering or affecting them, and being like oh they deserve to be punched in the face.

  20. Coworkers who continue to make themselves feel better by snitching on employees about insignificant things.
    Bosses that discusses your mistakes so everyone can hear.
    Bosses who take away work from you when you have saved the company thousands of dollars.
    All the while the snitch is satisfied. What douches!!!

  21. So my suggestion is for the office ass-kisser/snitch. This is someone who is lacking qualities in all other departments of human life, so they have to ruin everyone else’s day by pointing out the most miniscule of errors. All the while smooching the asses of those who are “higher up”. Makes me sick!! Yes, you can be polite; yes, you can do a good job -but DO NOT kick your peers in the teeth to take the focus off of your own BIG, FAT, COSTLY mistakes.

    You will have more than one fist pounding your noggin all the way up your boss’ ass!!!!!

  22. The people who LOVE hearing Christmas music for 2 months straight, and express their love of it to you while you’re waiting on them at the store.

    Them: “Oh, it must be soooo nice to hear Christmas music all day!”

    Me: “Well, not to be a Scrooge, but it’s not nice to hear it when you’re subjected to it for 45 hours a week.”

    True story, actually happened, and it shut them right up about it.

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  25. on 10/05/2010 at 5:20 AM | Reply josh flynn

    people who slam on there brakes cause there not paying attention cause there on there cellphones……dude….im going to jack up my truck and run all of you idiots over….i cannot even fathom why you want to text and or chat on your cell phone while driving…..you could kill ppl …but do you care no ……im sure talking to your 17 year old cheerleader girlfriend is just so important…..hmmn i bet she is telling you things like…..i love how a of my friends love my new fingernail polish,or i think that this dust bunny under my couch looks like a mouse…..NO ONE CARES…….get off your phones while driving or i will personally kick your face in with golf shoes

    have a nice day and fight against the inflation of ignorance

  26. Companies that show christmas commercials in September. Really?!?!!?

  27. The guy who just blew smoke in my face.

  28. on 09/24/2010 at 7:57 AM | Reply theinsidewaiter

    the guy who passed me a water glass filled with his own vomit, after drinking irresponsibly, and said “Yeah, clear that. I just ‘sauced’ in it.” after I had already picked up the glass.

  29. Justin Bieber…no explanation necessary!

  30. Guy who wants to burn Qurans on 9/11. I’m planning a public burning of ignorant people at the same time. Chips and guac provided.

  31. The person who is asleep across 3 seats on a commuter train. During commuter hours.

    It’s 8:30am, the train is over-crowded, you have just walked down the aisle to find someone who is sprawled across a 3-seater fast asleep.
    You look around you, and there are about 10 people standing in the aisle who will not get a seat and have to stand the hour and a half to NYC. And none of us will get a seat because you decided to be selfish.

  32. The insecure and untalented boss who sits in his office doing nothing all day after asking you to do half of his work, and then comes into your room to ask you to do the rest of his work only to take credit in front of the bigger bosses for all the work you’ve done.
    He doesn’t deserve a punch. He deserves a hard kick in the balls and then to get run over by a truck.

  33. How about “Guy who drinks all the beer and leaves the empty box in the fridge” What a dick. Hate that guy You think there is still beer and its gone or stashed somewhere else in the fridge for him when you bought the shit!!!

  34. Forgot one. Modern Day Wendy’s,
    you top “people that need to be punched in the face” list. Where is the fuck is the 99 cent value menu! You think that just because Dave Thomas died, that his deliciously cheap legacy goes with him? Shameful. I hope he come back as a ghost and haunts your greedy 1.29 small frosty ass. Dave gave me a Medium for 99 cents. RIP Dave Thomas. Here’s a 99 cent necromancy High Five!

  35. VH1. Flavor of Love? Rock of love? I love money? Charm School? Celebrity Fit Club? Really? Wow. Are you actually trying to make the American population stupid? I actually considered buying a jetski, and riding all the way to hollywood, just to complete this task. Then i looked at a map and realized a jetski would be a bad choice.

  36. The person on the subway who doesn’t have headphones so instead blasts their music from their phone/iPod through it’s speakers for everyone else to hear.

  37. Flo from the Progressive.com commercials.
    Easily the most annoying human being on the planet.

  38. Lunch stealing coworkers. One thing that irritates the hell out of me are the ass hats who swipe your lunch from the break room fridge. If you forgot to pack yourself something for lunch that’s your problem! Everyone needs food, and when I pack myself some leftover pizza and a coke to fight off hunger for the rest of the day, I expect to still find said food in my lunchbox! Did you ever think that maybe I don’t have he time or the money to go out and buy a replacement lunch you selfish dick/bitch? If I ever catch you eating my lunch, I’ll be serving you up a knuckle sandwich! Have fun eating from a feeding tube jackass!

  39. People who act like they will fail every exam only to be “shocked” that, for the 1200th time in a row, they aced it.

  40. How about those who murmur the lyrics to whatever song is playing on their MP3/iPod? Bonus points if they’re doing this in an elevator.

  41. The ref who called off that last goal for USA in the world cup agianst slovakia. FUCK HIM

  42. timmyho
    The prick that causes or almost causes an accident leaving tim hortons drive thru.

  43. Happy rich people, content with life ,lots of meaningful relationships,driving Ferrari in big mansion

    Best Buy salesmen

  44. John Mayer… that is all.

  45. The asshat at microsoft who thought that word should default to full screen on open. what a cock.

  46. People who laugh way too loud on planes. I just got off a flight, and was napping cause the flight was at 8am so I got up pretty early, and this older women behind me didn’t stop laughing. But not your fun, contagious, hardy har har laugh, but a screeching laugh that could be heard till the back of the plane. One swift punch to the face, whose laughing now bitch?

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  50. Anyone who jokingly suggests that working for 12 hours in a day is “working a half day.”

  51. Let’s keep it simple. Foodies. They need a punch in the face.

    Next time you take a photo in a restaurant and use a flash to take a photo for your blog, it’s time to think again!

    Fava beans? Nine different kinds of salt?


  52. People who eat out in groups and then don’t contribute enough to cover their meal, drinks, tip & tax. If you are too stingy to pay, stay home. You know who you are! You’re not that great of company anyway.

  53. People with a fullcart of things ahead of you in the grocery store, when you only have one item to buy and theydont let you go ahead of them.

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  59. Chicks that can’t be alone and marry over and over. Then expect you to be in their wedding and waste more money on her wedding that will probbly fail like the last one. She nor her family have the money for a big wedding but has a big one anyway. Have fun being in debt the rest of your life lets see how long this one will last. Punch in the face!

  60. People with two last names – Just pick one. This is not about people from places where there is a cultural precedent. This is from stuff white people like. Chances are their children will have four last names and their children’s children will have eight last names.

    The college kid who wears Che Guevara t-shirts. Che would be proud that his image makes profit for t-shirt sellers employing slave labor in Indonesian sweatchops. Chances are these spoiled brats whose wealthy business manager parents pay their college tuition and dormitory expenses are ignorant of who Che Guevara was and that Che would have punched them in the face.

    New parents who can’t talk about anything except their baby’s shit. These people needed birth control. So did their parents.

  61. Bitches who snitch & tell to psycho bosses. Glad I left that place & glad that she’s still stuck there.

  62. The Eye Rapist. The most flagrant offender of them all! She makes you want to gouge your own eyes out just to avoid eye contact with her. She sees it as a sexual encounter, while you sit there feeling violated and abused. It’s about time this bitch gets her comeuppance. It’s time for a knuckle sammich!

  63. Insurance Companies that refuse to pay claims for any reason they think up on the spot.

  64. Crowd farter. Gross.

    • If you don’t like the smell of my anal tube, get the hell out of my airspace! Crowd farting is great and is a God-given right.

  65. on 02/19/2010 at 2:08 AM | Reply Canastrophy

    Old Grannies who keep counting their little coins in front of the cash register.

    Everytime these old farts, who shouldn’t be outside, but rotting in the nursery home, stand in the front, holding up everyone from moving the fuck on, all I can think is ‘PULL OUT A FULL DOLLAR NOTE, TAKE YOUR SHIT AND FUCK OFF, BEFORE I FORGET MYSELF!!!’.

    Next time I see one of those grans, I’ll help em to a free face-surgery, let me tell you.

    • I hate those people that say, “OH! I think I have four cents!” Then they look through their purse for 5 minutes, “I guess I don’t!”

      • on 03/14/2010 at 6:22 PM Canastrophy

        Right? Why look it up in the first place if you can afford to just give the full note, receive a few cents and fuck off? The people on the cash register are supposed to have change anyway, so why give a damn about peanuts? Except if they want to hold us up on purpose, in that case, fists: fire at will!

    • respect your elders you ingrate.

      • on 02/22/2011 at 3:03 AM Canastrophy

        FUCK ‘EM.

        On second thought, don’t, that’s seriously gross.

  66. How about people who spend thousands of dollars on their kids’ birthday parties, ie spoil them rotten? I worked a bar mitzvah on sunday (yeah, happy valentine’s day!) and the amount of money spent on this party was stupid. Parents are not helping their children; they are creating within them a false sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy or patience, and a whole slew of service staff that want to bunch them and their children in the face. I sometimes wonder how it is that there are so many douchebags in the world-on sunday I found my answer. They are encouraged to be that way from a very tender age.

  67. Everyone hates crapping in a public toilet. Especially bad are the gas stations and restaurant holes. One of the worst parts of this act is finding that the one stall toilet is fouled up with piss all over the seat because some asshole peed in the stall, not in the urinal as you would expect. Granted if the urinal is taken and you are leaking in your pants as you furiously dance around waiting for a urinal its bet to snag the stall and get it done, but you can at least throw the seat up as a courtesy. After many years of frustration i have finally pinpointed the asshole responsible: He is a fat middle aged bastard. He shuffles into the stall even if the urinal is open because he is fat and is embarrassed that his tiny fupa-obscured-dick will be the object of ridicule of anyone else in the bathroom. He is too much of a pussy to just pee in front of people even with the little urinal walls that give privacy. The fat fuck walks into the stall and refuses to lift the seat. Instead he just drops trow and instead of holding his dick for aim he just lets his fupa do all the work, resulting in a messy splatter of florescent yellow piss all over the seat. Like most guys he quickly exits the bathroom without washing his hands…sick. then like most fat guys he grabs a .69 gas station hotdog and greedily scarfs it down making sure to lick every bit of relish off his crusty cock hands (that also touched the same door handle that 100s of other crusty cock hands touched). An even worse scenario is that he is at the movies with his family and returns to his seat to dig into Timmy’s bag of popcorn…effectively sharing his crusty choad grease with the whole family. yuck. anyway back to the stall… in I rush, holding in a massive load that i held off on until the last second because i hate public bogs. instead of quickly grabbing a seat tissue cover and quickly finishing up, i find a nice sticky piss pond left by mr fat choad. squirming with discomfort i then have to wipe up his piss mess before covering the seat with a fresh layer of paper and cutting loose. at that point fatty-piddle-pup has effectively ruined my whole shit and i have to uncomfortably squeeze it out as fast as possible so i can begin the process of hand washing that would make a surgeon proud. before leaving the bathroon i make sure to use a piece of paper towel to open the door and shut off the sink because of the piss-palm army that came before me. fuck you mr fat choad. grow some balls and piss in the urinal like everyone else. you’re a guy, so save the throne for its intended use. If you’re going to pee like a bitch, then sit on the toilet and pee like a BITCH! Fat guys who piss in the stall and all over the seat deserve it.

  68. Here’s Someone Who Deserves It:
    The Annoying Girlfriend Who Insists That You Have to Love Her After Being Together One Day

    because it’s just so annoying!

  69. People who talk on their cell phones in public places.
    All I wanna do is enjoy my food and get some homework done at Panera. This isn’t the place for you to conduct all of your little business calls. Shut up. Let me eat and work in peace. Thank you.

  70. People who come to this site and complain about posts when the disclaimers are clearly stated in the terms of use. (a.k.a. people who think their opinions make other peoples opinions wrong.)

  71. People who shovel snow and throw it in front of your car.

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    • People who ramble about absolutely nothing. You deserve a double bitch slap and a donkey punch for that one!

  73. Overconfident entry-level marketing dept guy

    He leaves romanticized out of office messages like “Up at the shoot in LA, then taking the talent to lunch. If this is urgent, you can call me but can’t promise I will answer.” Same thing on his Facebook status.

    Dude, seriously? You’re a corporate laborer. We get it, you send emails all day to agencies who do all the work you and your marketing clique take credit for. But if you haven’t figured it out yet, allow us to enlighten you: executives send their workhorse bitches to the places they don’t want to go. You’re only in “LA” because the shoot’s in Compton and YOU’RE not taking the talent to lunch, the company is, you’ve simply been sent along as the means of payment.

    And, for Christ sake, will you please stop talking about “the brand”? Preserving the brand…evolving the brand… protecting the brand. You don’t have any real knowledge to offer. You’re a nine-to-five paper pusher like everyone else and the sooner you can get a grip on that, the sooner we will stop laughing at you during happy hour. The rest of us are sick of your attitude, arrogance, and gayass scarves. It’s 75 degrees outside. Yes, you’re “trendy,” we get that too.

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  75. The guy who I hate and only know because he is friends with my friends and for some reason thinks that he and I are best friends and for some stupid ass reason goes out gets the same exact tattoo that I got 2 fucking years before i met this fucktard.

  76. Single-occupancy Golf umbrella operators.

    Do you really need a mobile patio umbrella to walk to work by yourself and not a golf course within miles?

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  79. The person at a concert (generally standing in front of you) who feels the need to videotape the ENTIRE thing on their iphone. FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW.

  80. Bathroom Stall Squatter: you know who I’m talking about. You get to the office half-hungover and half-asleep, you refill that 5-galloin bucket you call a coffee cup, and about an hour or so later, you feel a king-sized turtle poking his head out, so it’s off to the crapper to drop the fat-kid off at swim practice and to play a quick game of brick-braker. When you roll into the bathroom, there’s the Duke of the Dumper setting up shop after a night out at the Sizzler buffet. You can hear his newspaper turning, and the “A” section hasn’t even been dropped to the floor yet. Now you’re pissed that some fat-ass, turd-titan beat you to your favorite stall. Here’s to you ‘Bathroom Stall Squatter’, may your ass be infested by hemeroids, lice and anal hemoraging.

  81. Jay Leno. Retire already. Jesus you had your time – it’s time for you to step aside and let someone else have a turn.

    PS – You’re not even funny.

    • Agreed! And his writers too, did some fat-ballerina excuse for a joke a few months back and I haven’t watched since. It was terrible.

  82. People who walk up escalators! There’s a problem plaguing the world right now. Let me explain. Once upon a time, people were tired of coming out of the subway and having to walk a million flights of stairs just to see the light of day, so to quicken the trip and not tire you out, they invented the escalator! We came out of the dark and into the light, only faster and less tired and less sweaty from the walk. One of the best parts of it is that you just sit back relax and let the stairs carry you up. This requires very little movement… that is until the Olympic runner comes rushing up the stairs and bumps you aside with out a word or a sorry. This situation has gotten so bad that we, the few enjoying this convenience, have been forced to lean onto one side of the escalator leaving an open lane for those who feel that running up an escalator is a work out! It’s not a goddamn treadmill! You want a real work out, use the stairs, they’re still there, they ain’t going anywhere! There’s no one to knock over on those stairs, all the space you want! I’m sure you’re thinking I’m lazy, but I say, no I’m not! Sometimes I feel like taking the stairs, and I do, and other times I just want to be carried up! I don’t think the few times I’m gonna take the stairs will benefit my cardiovascular any but hey, why not and I’ll tell you why! I have the decency to not bother people by having them lean over so that I can run up a moving flight of stairs! It makes no sense! It’s backwards! I seriously hope that those same people run up an escalator a fall backwards and get stuck in some sort of never ending free fall where they never reach the bottom ’cause they’re being dragged upwards and that they never really reach the top ’cause they’re always falling back! These people deserve a punch to the face!

    • Alex should get a punch in the face.
      Escalators were designed to be walked up! To quicken the pace. they were not made as an elevator for the fat and lazy, like you! Get up off your ass and walk up the escalator. because the next time your in my way your face is getting a nice little visit from Dr. Fist.

  83. Self-important people that add their education credentials to their names in their email signature when it has nothing to do with the message. One of the biggest douche bags in my office signs every email with “FirstName Last Name, Ph.D.” in bold green, 24-point font.

    Then there are the people that list all of the acronymns they’ve collected over their 20-year career to mask their insecurity. ChFC, CLU, ATA, AFC, CFA, CLU, RFG is fine on your business card if you are selling mutual funds, but when you’re doing this and your job is to schedule conference rooms you deserve a crack to the dome.

  84. The “guy who invented the underwire bra” deserves to be on this list. Not only are they uncomfortable, as I am told on a regular basis by my wife, but the wires pop out and fuck up the washing machine. I then have to go to great pains to fix it, or I have to hire some overpriced asshole repair man with a crack that would make a plumber proud to do the job for me. Did I mention that they’re uncomfortable, my wife just told me so again. Thanks for giving her something else to nag at me over “guy who invented the underwire bra”…shit the washer just broke again…

    • Wow she must buy some really low quality bras. I’ve never had that happen nor have I ever heard of it happening until now. Maybe it’s uncomfortable because she’s wearing the wrong size. Very possible!

  85. “giant spider that makes an appearance right as you’re about to get into bed”
    you’ve had a long day, and after finally catching up on all of the saved shows on your DVR, it’s 2 A.M. and you lazily get into your pajamas and brush your teeth. but just as you go to turn off the light, there it is, the bastard giant spider. oh thank you giant spider for deciding right now to come out, oh and on the ceiling this time? perfect. you know i won’t be able to sleep because god knows you’ll end up on my face if i don’t do something now. don’t think that because it’s 2 A.M. and i’m about to collapse from exhaustion that i won’t make an effort to punch you in the face. i hate you spider.

  86. People who think that Electric cars are better for the environment. I know your trying to be “Green” but that electricity has to come form some where and unless you live by the hoover dam that would be coal power, witch is way worse for the atmosphere. Plus you can’t dispose of lythum batteries.

    People who want government health care but complain about the lines at the DMV or court house.

  87. Ultra-long self-important blog commenter.

  88. Myspace for taking over Imeem and changing it. All those playlists are gone and this is annoying. Myspace deserves a big ol punch to the face

    • Correction, The Orchard music company for suing the living hell out of Imeem and shutting them down. They deserve a fist the size of a meteorite into their faces.

  89. here is my suggestion…..big rig drivers that drive retardedly slow in the fast lane, for miles on end, under the guise of passing someone in the slow lane, but the freakin slow lane is empty.

  90. People that bring their kids to college with them. GET A FUCKING BABYSITTER!

  91. woohoo spewing lady in sculpting class. it’s called an internal voice, woohoo in your own head. i do not feel inspired by your incessant woohoo’ing. so stop it before i knock out all your teeth and your woohoo turns into a pfffft.

  92. People who answer their cell phones in the middle of a conversation that I thought we were having. Technology does not automatically trump common sense and manners. Unless you are waiting to hear news regarding a loved one’s progress in the intensive care unit, turn that bleeping ring tone off and switch that thing to voice mail. At the very least, let me know before I waste my breath and time on a non-existent dialogue. I can talk to myself without having to put up with your rude behaviour. In fact, I prefer it. You deserve a punch, rude cell phone user.

  93. I suggest some people:
    Restaurant non-tipper. If you can’t afford to tip you can’t afford to eat in a restaurant.

    People who really honestly believe the Law of Attraction. They believe that if you are about to get downsized, it was because of your negative thinking, not because of a bad economy or tyrannical bosses. The punch in the face they will receive was caused by their negative thinking creating bad vibrations in the universe and their moronic karma caught up with them.

    Uncreative people who want jobs as artists, actors, or other creative professions. Face it: You just want to get paid for creating the type of art that your mom put on the refrigerator when you were 5 and you are addicted to the praise your mom gave you then. Every kid in LA thinks he is an actor Get over it.

    Useless career advice giver. They don’t know the job market. Useless job hunting advice: Make your resume orange to stand out, make up professional descriptions of things everyone does, say you are a hard worker. Job hunting is hell enough anyway.

    Lyndon LaRouche personality cult members. They never shut up. They have a ton of stupid conspiracy theoories. If you don’t agree with them, it is your fault GW Bush was in office for the last 8 years. These college dropouts need to swallow their teeth and some cyanide kool aid.

    The deliberate misinterpreter. If you don’t know an obsolete computer language, you don’t like to learn. If you are not interested in moronic drama queens, you are antisocial. If you are, you are a drama queen. If you don’t want to give them your lunch, you are greedy and not a team player. If you don’t want to talk to them, you are afraid they are smarter than you. These morons need their faces deliberately misinterpreted into a smashing.


    Never shuts up guy.

  94. San Francisco Muni, especially the N-Judah

  95. Hey i’v got a suggestion! How about the Writers for this website.. i check PWDI everyday for a new post but i always leave disapointed because there are never any new posts!!


    • Duh. You *ARE* part of “the writers for this website.” Take some responsibility and make a contribution, instead of expecting someone else to do things and you can save your disappointment.

  96. I don’t know if this has been suggested before but people with ipods that blast their music to where you can hear every lyric perfectly even with the headphones in their ears. How about a nice shoving of the headphones into their eardrums.

  97. Snowy Road Speeder,

    Its snowing like Rodney Dangerfield’s coke habbit and your going 80 in a 65. WTF? We all know that speed limits are ment to be broken but we also like our lives, even if you don’t. Your 4X4 or your Studded tires won’t save you from T-Boning that moose. and when you do don’t hope for the paramedic quite yet, a few uppercuts to that broke jaw are in order first.

  98. Just my opinion but….

    People that “high-five” every 5 seconds. And no one “raises the roof” anymore. The need to QUIT IT. Wanna know how stupid it looks? Watch the new Snuggie commercial and you’ll see. And if people are going to wait on someone’s parking spot at Cosco- don’t get pissed off because it takes a few to load the palette of goods that have been purchased. It might do their oversized, diabetes ridden backside good to park at the end of the lot and actually WALK to the front door. What’s the problem anyway? If they get injured on the way to the front door, they’ll probably end up qualifying for a blue tag and a Hover-round and plenty of meds to break up those ineveitalbe blood clots they will get from your incessant lack of movement.

  99. on 11/13/2009 at 5:11 PM | Reply Awake All Weekend

    Weekend morning construction crew. The rest of us spend our evenings out partying but you are already in bed at 9PM so you can be up early to terrorize the whole neighborhood. Parents of newborn children hate you and so does anyone with a life. Your high pitched sawing and hammering makes us want to rise from our beds at 7AM like unholy zombies to eat your hammering arms. Instead of starting your rampages before noon, might I suggest you cut your mid-afternoon pot smoking sessions? We can all smell it up on the roof and we are especially pissed that you don’t at least share it with us.

  100. No headphone wearing mp3 player blaster

  101. Cigarette Flicker.

    On the sidewalk, out the car window.

  102. Rhetorical Question Answerer.

    • Even more annoying is the person who asks a rhetorical sounding question then expects you to answer it!

  103. How about the guy who turns off the public restroom light while your taking a shit, or the douche who pulls the fire alarm in the middle of the school day.

  104. Able-Bodied Escalator Stander.
    Hey buddy, we’re not at Disney World and this ain’t a carnival ride. The escalator — Mr/Ms Lazy Fat-Ass — is merely an aid to get your jelly belly from one level of the mall to the other faster. The escalator is not a “no fly zone” designed to suspend your mobility. Think of it this way: if you would just lift one little foot which you haven’t seen since high school in front of the other, you’ll get to the Old Country Buffet that much faster. (People on crutches = exempt.)

  105. Over-frequent Facebook status updater

    Gym weight-lifting grunter

    Cougars at the gym hitting on your husband

    Strangers who tell you to “smile” when passing you on the street

    Six Flags faux old-man spokesperson

    Cab drivers who don’t take credit cards

    John Mayer

    Dudes who sit on the subway next to you and spread their legs. As if they needed the space.

    Walkers who are aggressive arm swingers. Especially if holding a full size umbrella.

    • I have a suggestion, How about people who want to see one of the most talented blues/rock guitarists these days punched in the face.

      • How about douches that get bent when someone takes a jab at their mancrush music idols? Lighten up, it’s not a competition.

  106. the person who uses library computers to check their facebook while there is a line of people waiting for the next open computer

    just saw this a hole this afternoon….

  107. the guy at work who does half ass job

    • We all deeply admire that gold-bricking, jag-hole whose main occupation is looking busy. She’s the gal they keep around because she’s soooooooo friendly. Shows up late with the donuts. Gives lotsa hugs. If you have a problem, she’s got her nose in your asshole faster than my mongrel, Buttons.

      Face bash with spiked club.

  108. Hint Non-Taker.

    “Umm, actually, I have to get up really early tomorrow” is lost on Hint Non-taker. So is “I’m just really busy at work right now”. So is “if you kiss me, I will literally vomit in your mouth”. Thing with HNT is, they’re head is rammed so far up their own perpetually single ass, they are dumb-deaf and blind to social norms – like the plethoric web of lies we all tell daily, to get these lice out of our hair, and deleted from our voice mails. Please, Hint Non-Taker…take the hint, already. Because a hint of blue around the eye, aint so subtle.

  109. That kid who circles all of the answers in highlights magazine at the doctor’s office. Yeah I’m an adult – but doing the hidden picture puzzle is sooooo much fun.

  110. on 10/03/2009 at 5:06 AM | Reply Chinchillazilla

    Lanyard swinger. You know, the guy who whaps you upside the head with his keys because he’s too fidgety, retarded, and reckless to sit the fuck still.

    • I say punch this ee-jit before s/he hits you with whatever the fuck is at the end of that lanyard. Even if nobody gets smacked, that constant lanyard-swinging is taking up way too much space. Put that damn thing away; the sidewalk is not your property!

  111. People who wear overstuffed backpacks on really crowded subway cars.

  112. People that sit next to you without choice in class and chew their gum like a cow when you are trying to hear the teacher lecture about the 1890’s in American History…just annoying

  113. Deep Sleep Slumber Disturber: While I’m riding high on a much needed dream state, this doucher jolts me from my amazing dreams and into the harsh reality of the world.

  114. Eye-gouging umbrella toter.

    Nuff said

  115. Normal parents that give their kids weird/unique/stupid names. If you’re a celebrity, you can get away with naming your child after an inanimate object or giving them a painfully awkward spelling to their name. Actually, unless you are Frank Zappa, you shouldn’t be allowed to give your kid a stupid name. Stop thinking you’re original by changing or adding vowels in your kids’ names. You’re just making it harder for everyone.

  116. -People who send out an excessive ammount of Facebook Application Invites: “I just did a shot of Patron & sent one over to you! Will you send me one back?” HELL NO I WON’T! AS A MATTER OF FACT… ignore & block all future app invitations from this member.

    -People who don’t wipe their kids snotty fucking faces- REVOLTING!

    -FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: Text message & email chain letters! So what you’re saying is that if I don’t send this to 15 people- including sending it right back to YOU- something tragic will happen? Ya know what? I’m gonna take my chances!

    – GOD DAMNED HD CHANNELS ON MY DIRECTV!!! If so much as a pine needle whisps between my satelite dish & outer space my tv screen goes blank, then blue with the ticker across the bottom of the screen-… SEARCHING FOR SIGNAL… I pay you twats $150+ each month- I expect decent quality! (but do not get it)

    – People who just let their little kids run a muck ANYWHERE!! The streets & parking lots, the Dr’s office, dept stores, restaraunts, MY HOUSE! Then you wanna be bold & give me the evil eye when I say something to your kids- since you won’t! Ya know what? GO FUCK YOURSELF!

    -My assistant store manager- who thinks (wishes) she’s the store manager, Kim Warner. She’s such a controll beast- we ALL hate her!

    • Ok, i understand that you have issues, but seriously, who gives a fuck? My msn has been beeping non fucking stop because you keep putting pointless comments on here. This is what a psychiatrist is for

  117. People who chew gum really loudly.

    People who eat really loudly or just disgustingly.

    People who have music blaring out of their ipod headphones on the train.

  118. when you buy an adorable kitten from a pet store-and they neglect to tell you that she is COVERED IN TEN MILLION FUCKING FLEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! im so tired of fleas!!!!!!! i’ve brushed, dipped, spent 200$ on perscription shit and still those little bastards are on the cat!!!!!!!

    • Try advantage flea treatment. It works better for cats than frontline. I dealt with fleas for about a year so I know your pain. If they infest the house use a big name exterminator like terminix and not some mom and pop place.

  119. people who don’t text you back. EVER.

  120. Oh and also Kanye West for the crap he pulled at the VMA’s.

    • I second the nomination of Kanye. If someone related to Taylor Swift decides to do something to Kanye’s face involving pepper spray and a rolling pin, good luck getting them convicted of anything.

  121. The guy who invented Twitter. Or anyone that Tweets.

  122. girls with gen. herpes and they still brag about being a slut— your ruined for life-stop having sex hoeee

  123. motorcycles, specifically car-alarm-triggering, loud-as-fuck motorcycles. really?

  124. College math teachers since they never teach and you have to learn on your own

  125. Whoever invented the Allen Wrench ….

  126. The kid that comes unprepared for class and bugs the hell out of you for your paper, pencils, scantrons, and so on.

  127. Sick kid sitting next to you in class breathing on you.

  128. The Duggars. Baby 19? And we’re still supposed to care? That kid will be younger than its uncle. When they have to sew your uterus shut to keep that shit from just sliding out, maybe its time to stop

  129. people allways leaving comments like “FIRST” under new posts. people like this really ain’t got a life.

    oh yeah…i’m waiting for someone writing “first” under this.

  130. chatty customer service representatives– we understand that your spouse has beaten you into submission and therefore you cant enjoy the sound of your voice within the comfort of your own home… but we are not here to be your outlet into non violent world of conversationalism. we dont care about your kids, your new kitchen, or how you slice the cucumbers in your quiche. We are not your friend and the next time you try to waste our time expect to recieve a beating that would make the sham wow guy blush.

  131. on 08/24/2009 at 5:44 PM | Reply "im fat and gross but i have huge tits girl"

    I HATE fat nasty girls who have an ugly face, ugly body, and stuff their huge stretch,mark-saggy tits in a tube top. here’s a suggestion—no one wants to see it. we know that under that bra cutting off your circulation and the tight 8 more jelly rolls it creates through wearing it–there are nasty pale tits that we dont want to imagine–here is an idea ladies-go to the gym and be skinny with big tits-then you wont be so gross

  132. Old women who purposely speak in a baby voice because they think it makes them somehow sexier and younger. vomit

  133. John Gosselin. Period.

  134. Ok- i have two—

    I can’t stand when i go outside to smoke a cigarette for 5 minutes of peace-since I fricken can’t smoke inside anymore–and ten people have to walk by and say these exact words–
    “You know smoking is bad for you right???”

    I feel like saying ” No! What??! and tossing it on the ground and thanking them for the medical advice and warning since I had no clue how bad smoking was for me—-


    thirteen year old facebook girls who dress slutty and take kissey-face mirror pictures of themselves. Where are they’re parents–?? Your a child-not a hooker–sad really..

  135. I hate more then anything girls who say “i hate other girls—im such a guy’s guy”–my cousin who i hate used to do this all the time–meet a guy and act like she was so easy going and she would wear jerseys and exclaim at the bar “yeah im such a guys’ guy–i just love hanging out with guys hehe”—–i would laugh because she “claimed” to be a die hard redskins fan-and i bet she couldnt even name a player if the guy had thought to test her. little did they know she spent 4 hours on hair and whorey eye-liner underneath of that “low-maitenence guy’s -guy exterior”” ahahahaaaa

  136. Hoarders…

    So I’m watching the show on A&E right now and literally want to give every single person on the show a few punches that I’ve hoarded myself. Their houses are SO disgusting I don’t think there are enough words hoarded in the english language to describe it. Rotten food, animal poop of every kind, and piles of clothes from floor to ceiling. With your surgical mask in tact, gather up a fistfull of trash and give these hoarders a visit from the five brothers straight to their over-hoarding faces!

  137. LAME-O 2.0

    people who excessively put “2.0″ (2 point O) after a statement to express an upgrade or escalation. For example, “Dude, last New Years was fun, but this year we’re upping-the-ante and celebrating New Years 2.0″. Or, i just broke up with my girlsfrind, check me out, Jeff 2.0. Oh man…douchebagdeservesaswiftonetothethroat!

  138. people who excessively put “2.0” (2 point O) after a statement to express an upgrade or escalation. For example, “Dude, last New Years was fun, but this year we’re upping-the-ante and celebrating New Years 2.0”. Or, i just broke up with my girlsfrind, me out, Jeff 2.0. Oh man…douchebagdeservesaswiftonetothethroat!

  139. on 07/31/2009 at 6:29 AM | Reply Fictionwerks


    This pretty much goes out to anyone and everyone that is a douche bag. You know who you are! Fomies (Fake Homies), Guidos (Spray tan stiff haired cocksuckers)

  140. I suggest Radio Sing-Along Guy. This is a moron who you drive in the same car with. When driving, a little good music is enjoyable, but Radio Sing-Along guy is someone who will guarantee that he enjoys the song on the radio more, while making sure nobody else gets to enjoy the radio. Instead everyone else gets subjected to the sound of a fork in a garbage disposal who assumes that everyone else wants to hear his obnoxious non-singing voice instead of the pleasant song the way the singers meant it to be heard. RSAG needs a punch if you ever want to actaully hear the music you want to hear. Only an inconsiderate jerk would make sure nobody else enjoys music just to be in love with his own voice.

    • Also you need to add in there that even though its their “favorite song ever!” they don’t know half the word’s.

  141. Turd who has a driveway, but leaves his car parked alongside the road. Congratulations, douchey, you’ve successfully left a 2-ton roadblock in our way. I guess that extra turn into said driveway is a little too much for you at the end of the day, huh? There are those of us who would kill TO HAVE a driveway (apartment or otherwise living in an urban environment), but no, you choose to ignore it altogether so we can have the pleasure of driving past at 5mph so that we don’t scratch your worthless piece of crap. Because I would HATE to be able to go the speed-limit on a road. Park your garbage where it belongs and get it out of my way before I key “asshole” into the driver’s-side door.

  142. I nominate the families of the 2 babies attacked by rats. (Sadly, one of them died of their injuries.)

  143. Slow Stairs Guy!!!! I attended a public event where a train was needed (like a ball game, hockey game, carnival, exibition etc.) well when hundreds of people need to take the stairs up or down we should all try to move at decent pace. If your not 75 years old, or carrying toddlers there is no excuse. In fact wait for the main crowd to get out of the way, then you can take your time. I mean we all need to be held up beacuse you want to hold your 14 year old girlfriends hand? Because your pants are 17 inches to low and you can’t move fast enough, because you are a text zombie….. I can go on forever. Please give these people what they deserve! A punch in the head and a tumble down the stairs.

  144. on 07/23/2009 at 1:08 PM | Reply Cherlindrea

    How about the people that just post “meh” into a comments section for an article? Those people piss me off. It’s not like they’re adding anything insightful. They’re just using one word to show that they *think* they’re more intellectually adept than the author, but yet they can’t come up with something better than what was started on “Seinfeld”?!?

  145. Amphitheatre lawn chair douche.

    Yes of course you can sit here. I’ve been sitting through horrible opening acts at this overpriced concert for 2 hours so I can secure my spot on the lawn, but you JUST showed up with your fancy lawn chairs and your attitude… and I would be more than pleased to have my feet gouged for hours by your stupid folding chair and your fat ass in my line of vision. Oh and all those people yelling “hey idiot, go sit somewhere else” won’t affect your ability to have a good time. Enjoy the show, lawn chair douche. I hope a seagull s&!%s on your face.

  146. big mouths (sitting behind or in front of you) who try to have serious conversations with their friends during a concert over the loud music blaring. or they need to share every useless bit of trivia they know about the band during the performance.

  147. Passive aggressive note-writer…for inspiration, see here…http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

    Oh yeah, and the “house mom” person if you have multiple roomates….the one who always gets onto people for leaving dishes unwashed overnight, or asks them where they’re going every time they go out…these people also tend to be passive aggressive note writers, generally accompanying their notes with smiley faces and exclamation points.

  148. The boss that has had an assistant so long that he can literally do absolutely no work on his own except criticize how the assistant executes HIS work. Do it yourself then ASSHOLE!!!!!!

  149. People working remedial jobs, but acting like it’s a career. You know the girl who works the counter on the graveyard shift at the health club. The same girl that sticks to the “rules” on everything.

  150. on 07/13/2009 at 9:21 PM | Reply Doctor Lump

    Ever heard of “monkey cuts”? That’s when a kid “allows” his friend to cut in… behind him (and in front of you!). Some little booger did that to me at the pool last week and I told him “Hey WTF you doing, kid?” He said, “but my friend let me monkey cut!” I said, “how about Dr Lump’s monkey fist in your face?” No more monkeys cutting in front of Dr Lump! Probably a spawn of one of those Executives that took our bailout money and used it for fun “retreats.”

  151. I would love to punch the rude coworker that ignores you when you say good morning. Especially true for women who can’t say thanks after you hold the door for 15 seconds so they don’t have to struggle with the 4 carry on bags they are using for purses. How about a thanks??? I also have a couple of 1-2 combos for the buddy that is over your house and can’t stop ogling your girlfriend. Hey a-hole, take a peak and keep moving. I can re-center your focus if everytime I look at you, you are looking at my girl.

    • You are SO right on all 3 points! 1) I work with this chic who really thinks she’s a big bad hard ass when in all reality she’s just a bitch… there IS a difference! In the morning I always greet her with a half assed “Morning” just to be courteous- but does she have 1 second & half a breath to say it back? Uhhhh… no. We’re ALL miserable & tired as fuck!! Oh well- for this I lose no sleep but think it’s discourteous. 2) As a little girl my parents always made sure that if someone complimented you- you say “Thank You”, if someone says Thank You to you, you say “You’re Welcome” & if a someone does something random & kind like when a man holds a door open for you- you should ALWAYS say “Thank You” to them. It’s simple manners. 3) I don’t claim to be the finest woman you’ll see today but I’m far from the ugliest! I take care of myself! I do hold one difference from most of my friends- my ALL NATURAL bra size a 36-I & I’m a teeny tiny size 7. It looks awkward but I’m scared to have surgery to reduce them. My husbands friends (as well as complete strangers) are always staring & it’s sooooo embarrassing for me! There’s only so much my man will let slide though- we both understand that it’s not just something most people see everyday- but the staring & constant need to recapture your eye contact gets fucking OLD! YES- WE DO NOTICE YOU LOOKING!!! Sorry- I had to get that off my… fuck it!

  152. Used condom leaving asshats.

    Can’t you take your balloons of biohazard to a damn trashcan? Must you throw them in the common area of my neighborhood for me to find. This ranks up with leaving feces on the street in my book.

  153. Ok that is sad, you can dish it out but cannot take it!?! Sad sad world we live in where people sitting behind a keyboard can talk big about punching someone in the face, but cannot take the punch in the face for themselves. I hate you fuckers and consider myself done reading your blog. Hope everyone soon follows suit and realize that you guys are a bunch of pansy whinners!

    • are you being honest MAHJEMAH? your post made me laugh. if you took the time to read their blog like you claim to do so, you would have already seen that they’ve dedicated a post to ounching themselves in the face. i highly doubt any civilized (or un-civilized) person would punch someone in the face just because this blog told them to do so. understand the concept of crude humour, oh and , fail on your part. you called them winners, not whiners. sorry to burst your bubble. so have fun, not reading this blog anymore. you’ve already wasted two posts on the page and i’d be embarrased to call you a reader if i were them.

  154. PWDI you need a punch in the face. I want to punch all you whiny bastards in the world for whinning about the way and habits other people have. I take it you guys never grew up from childhood and you’re parents were enablers and met all your whinning needs. Hence why this website was created you realized you could not do anything about peoples habits so what better way to release your aggression than to bitch about it on a website.

  155. The people who run this website deserve one right to the mouth for thinking an ethnic stereotype was worthy of a post.

  156. LOUD TALKERS…I do not need to hear your conversationg…especially on public transporation when everyone else is either asleep or talking at a normal volume.

    Also, co-workers who insist on forwarding along WWJD emails, preach their beliefs as if they are on a pedastal, offer to make rosaries for the office and then talk you about the affair they are having. Yes, you are definitely a better person than everyone else.

  157. The parent who calls up “just to check on you,” despite the fact that you no longer live in their house or wear superman pajamas. Especially annoying if, when they are told that you are on a date, they expect to be allowed to question your date for half an hour.

  158. People who feed pigeons – was your sidewalk too clean?

    Were you tired of not having winged scabies flying at your head and decided to spice things up by not only attracting scores of these aviary petry dishes but also load up their rectal six-shooters to further disgrace our city streets?

    Do you leave out cheese for rats, or leave out rats for cats, or leave out cats for dogs, or leave out dogs for Chinatown?

    Who gave you the green flag to go interfering in the food chain and start recouping the dangerously under-populated pigeon masses? Let your god complex play out on the sea monkeys, and not on anything that can possibly shit on my picnic.

  159. Douchebag who leaves the shopping cart in the parking spots outside a store. You think you’re about to score a pretty sweet parking place when BAM!!! Shopping carts occupying it, when the section specifically designed for the return of said cart(s) is less than 30 feet away. Seriously…if you are that ****ing lazy, you need to be chemically sterilized. And if you’re too damn fat to waddle over there, you shouldn’t be shopping for food in the first place.

  160. Constant Facebook Status Updater: We get it. If you’re a dude and you’re going out with your buddies to scam on some ladies, you’ll update it from your Blackberry. If you’re a lady, everyone sees “OMG! *insert name here* is a slut!” It makes for a better laugh when you’re way too young to be using Facebook as well.

  161. Ever been behind the drive thru ATM illiterate? The whole idea behind a drive thru ATM is that one is in a hurry. Quick $20, you’re outta there.

    Not only can they not navigate their Honda Pilot close enough to reach the buttons, they attempt to conduct an M&A transaction via the ATM.

  162. Ann Coulter. That Bitch needs to be slugged in her fugly man nose.

  163. Here’s another non-person entry: the Washington Metro Red Line. It’s a bitch to use even on good days, with everyone in creation jammed into those cars like refugees fleeing a warzone. And then it goes and crashes one train into the back of another, killing 7 people (at last count) and injuring dozens of others. Those two trains in particular are already tore up something epic, but I think the line in general is in need of an open stapler to the face.

  164. mission: lieing douche-bag boyfriend

    Welcome to People Who Deserve It, Lieing Douche-Bag Boyfriend. Where people are unforgiving and you get what you fucking deserve.
    You cheat, you lie, and you suck at it. Either way, us girls find out sooner or later. Like really? What the fuck were you thinking when you were moonbouncin’ it up (and down) with that piece of work? She’s “hit”, ugly, ATROCIOUS at the least and youve got something ten times better chilling at home, waiting for you to start dinner. The least you deserve is a nice punch to the herpes infested kisser, along with a slight “oopsie daisies” to the ol’ family jewels. you fucking deserve it.

    • Isn’t it amazing how many of these asshats there are? WTF is wrong with these poor excuses for men? If they’re not happy, exit the relationship with some class and regard for the other person. Then, you can go fuck every desperate, “clock is ticking” psycho bitch you want! Just think about growing up and moving out of the maid’s room in mommy and step-daddy’s UES co-op first, you late-30’s loser bike-boy.

  165. Guy who brings a camera to a funeral. WTF man.

    People that have no respect to dress nice for a funeral.

  166. Last one for today: people who mistreat or abuse animals. I freaking hate these people. Every time I see this crap on the Discovery Channel I want to dropkick these jerks into a sea of used surgical equipment. Animals are not hard to take care of, so if you can’t muster the 20 minutes a day that it requires, leave it to someone else who can. Don’t abandon them in your basement and make me questions the validity of the human race. So if I catch you with a bone-thin animal in your front yard with dirty water and no food, I’m gonna take that barbed wire and punch you in the face with it.

  167. Couple that gets married and then you never hear from them again. You know these two; awesome couple of people to hang out with when they’re not hitched. The instant the ring goes on the finger, they drop off the face of the earth. I can’t really understand how two people now living together are seen LESS than when they were apart. What’s up with this? Are they now biased against you because you’re not married? Do they not answer the phone or not go out anymore? Is this some sort of secret club that excludes us non-married people? I say if you turn into a douche when you’re married, you always were one.

  168. DR. Sanjay Gupta fan. the CNN guy. Has this guy ever been on the other side of a telescope? Here are the liner notes on what we are going to try and scare the masses with today. It’s like taking hairstyling advice from Dr. Phil

  169. Shower fixer. You know the guy who is about to shower at the gym. But he takes a crap first, or even a tinkle. Since hes going to the shower he feels like he doesn’t need to wash his hands or even wipe his pooper. Cause I mean hes about to shower, why would I wipe my ass….

  170. Whores are ok guy. Why would I tie myself down with a wife. I would rather spread disease and hire it out everytime. The same guy who tries to tell you your a freak for not engaging in the act of “hiring it out”

  171. gym sink noseblower, in fact even to dumbasses blowing thier horns in the shower room. Do you do that at home. PIGS

  172. I am rich, so i feel pressure to puke my food up. HELLO! your rich, get that stuff sucked out!!!!

  173. the picture taker at concerts. I mane really what are you going to do with 200 pictures from the coldplay concert? Did you enjoy the first 1 hour of the show, or were to busy with your freaking light meter, and looking for the perfect shot to capture the concert that were to busy to watch. It’s as bad a movie texter, digital camera screens everywhere in the concert hall.

  174. Douchenozzle on subway who deliberately sticks his arm between the automatic doors, just to see what happens. At rush hour, when the car is already packed, and you know what happens on the Metro at rush hour, right? The pretty computerized voice is already saying, “Doors closing…please stand clear of the doors!” just as the last of the outgoing crowd is leaving the car…THEN the incoming bunch starts caterpillaring in (yes, I can use “caterpillar” as a verb). So, the train’s already been sitting there three times longer than it rightfully should, waiting for everyone to get off and on, and we’re all jammed in there like cattle, and the doors keep opening and shutting because some other cars are still dealing with stragglers, and THEN, just when you think the situation might be resolved and the conductor might get us the fuck outta that station, this fuckstain thinks it’s funny to put his arm between the doors when they’re trying to close. I think a punch in the face is too polite. Something involving bodily orifices and a whole pineapple, perhaps.

  175. Gary Bettman…and everyone responsible for keeping the Pheonix Coyotes in Pheonix. Except for judge Redfield T. Baum because he has an awesome name.

  176. Surprise left turners. I hate them so. There you are, second in line at the light on your way home from work. You’re thinking about kicking your feet up and cracking open a cold one, never suspecting that the mofo in front of you is hatching a plan to keep you idling for another few minutes. This jerk waits until the light turns green before hitting his left-turn directional and this leaves you staring down an oncoming line of cars that will keep you parked through the whole cycle.

    Look surprise left turn jerk. There are simple rules to this. Turn your blinker on *before* I come to a stop behind you without leaving enough room to maneuver around you. This helps keep traffic moving and helps keep me from wishing 37 types of death upon you if you keep me from my post-work routine.

  177. on 06/16/2009 at 3:43 AM | Reply Fictionwerks

    “Crop Duster”

    Here is an amazing individual that hits you with the equivelant of a hit and run. The Crop duster. Crop dusting as you may know is what farmers do, via an airplane, to spray pesticides on thier fields to keep vermin away. Well the “Crop Duster” is a certain individual who pulls a hit and run (actually a fart and run) with thier own special ass spray. Leaving you with a cloud that even flies dare not go near. As they speed by everyone is left with the impression that you are the one who voided their bowels in the produce aisle.

  178. on 06/16/2009 at 2:58 AM | Reply Fictionwerks

    “Suburban White Gangster”

    Now here is an individual who deserves not only a punch in the face, but also needs to be sodomized with a length of rusty rebar. The closest any of these “gangsters” have ever been to the hood is when they put their sweatshirt on. Please, they are just as bad as the emo kids from suburbia, who also need a little shock therapy in the means of a concrete block to the face. You “gangsters” need to pull your pants up, speak english and join the real world. Nothing is more annoying then to hear this little rich white assholes speak.

    To go a little further, their “hip hop” groups they form in which they speak about the hardships in their life and such. WHAT HARDSHIPS DO YOU HAVE!!!?? Mommy and daddy got you a BMW instead of a Benz. You only have a 10k limit on your platinum card. You have to be in before midnight. They are all retarded and should be forced to spend a year in the inner city, Bronx, Queens etc…..take a walk down Flatbush Ave and see how long you last. Fake ass gangsters. 2 days max and they would be crying to mommy to come pick them up.


  179. people who dont use correct grammar. i understand some shit may just SLIP, but dude. “oh my god, your so hot!” my hot what?
    you get the point.

    along with

    -people who incessantly use online thesarus
    -douche that claims smoking/drinking is bad for you as he’s got a pack of misty slim menthols in his chest pocket while drinking a beer.

    (this may be hard to follow)

    -girl who complains about people complaining. this may be relatively similar to “my life is worse than yours guy” but in a different context. for example.

    Person 1: How was your day?

    Person 2: Dude, today sucked. i had to type a 3 paged report and my printer straight broke. then, my computer froze and i didnt have it saved. so i have to retype it again. UGHH

    Person 2: How was yours?
    Person 1: Fine.

    —-LATER ON—-

    Person 1: You never listen to me about MY problems. You’re always about yourself and how bad your life is and you never take anybody else into consideraton.

    it’s like, uhhh..you asked me?

  180. Bar cigar smokers…I live in a city where you can only smoke in a few select bars and inevitably the guy sitting next to you abuses this by lighting a stogie…gross misuse of this privilege!

  181. “Theme Park Creepers”-

    So, you know those people who work at theme parks wearing the character costumes? They are probably the biggest bunch of creepers you could meet. Think about who gets those jobs. Some one who is willing to walk around in a huge rabbit costume, probably sweating their balls off, must be really despereate for employment. And since you just think they are your favorite character from the cute looney tunes you watched while you ate your morning cereal, they can get away with just about anything. So next time Daffy Duck tries to get a handful of your ass on your harmless trip to Six Flags, Give him five to the face and remind him its a family theme park.

  182. How about terrible cubicle neighbors, including open-mouth-chip-cruncher guy and loud-speaker-annoying-music girl? Grow some manners, a-holes. I don’t want to know how many crunches you can get out of a single Ruffle or what the latest Sarah McLaughlin is. Y’all need a punch in the face!

  183. I would punch all the spammers in the world for filling my email with spam messages


    bluetooth motorcycle intercom

  184. If it’s possible to punch a hangover in the face, then I want to beat the crap out of early morning thunderstorms. There I am, minding my own business and trying to sleep until 7:15, and the sky at 6 AM sounds like someone’s colliding tractor-trailers head-on.

  185. Moron who goes less than the speed limit in the left-hand lane. Here’s how this works: right lane for normal traffic, left lane for passing. You don’t sit in the passing lane doing 55 in a 65mph zone and clog up traffic. Thanks for making us wait behind you, blaring our horns, until you get your slow ass out of the way and back into the right lane where you belong. It’s not your personal “dick around at moderate speed” lane–people have places to get to THIS CENTURY. Shit or get off the pot.

    • I vote for this one! That guy is so annoying. Imagine my chagrin when, roadtripping with my husband, I realized he WAS that guy. He got educated fast, let me tell you.

  186. Cheyenne Cherry – She is the absolute hellspawn of a “just kidding” girl. “Oops, I burned your kitten to death, slashed your furniture, stole some stuff, and threw bleach on your walls. OMG calm down, it was just a joke!” Not even exaggerating. She also robbed a man for his iPod and tried to scam a woman in a dognapping scheme, claiming those were “just jokes” as well.



  187. girl who pees clear because she is really hydrated ALL OVER THE FRICKEN TOILET SEAT so no one can see it. sitting in pee just sucks. especailly when you don’t realize it until you get up and the clammy public toilet seat feeling lingers on your ass.
    also, tampon flusher,pube leaver, (that’s been on here already), and really long bathroom lines.

  188. The guy who plays loud crappy music through his cellphone. I was on the subway the other day when i encountered this ridiculous Asshat. There he sat, with his phone in his hand, loudly blaring terrible music through the tiny tiny speakers.

    Riding the the sometimes cramped, sometimes smelly trains to and from work each day can be challenge enough without this moron, who has apparently never learned that you can buy this wonderful invention known as “Headphones.” Headphones let you sit wherever you like and listen to whatever music you like without subjecting everyone around you to your abysmal personal taste in music, and revealing to them your true nature as one of the worlds Grandest Twitfucks.

    So the next time you see this man, on the bus, on the train, or even just sitting int he park where others are trying to relax and read a good book, please be sure to inform him of his grave error in etiquette and use your five fingers to shut down his phone, permanently.

  189. “girl who picks food apart piece by piece”
    one of my very good friends does this. is it honestly necessary to pick EVERY FUCKING CONSUMABLE OBJECT apart? you cant just bite and chew?

  190. Excessive personal display of affection couple

  191. Guy who is completely dependent on a golf cart to go anywhere – even if it’s just 20 feet.

  192. pube on the urinal guy. is it really necessary to intentionally place your curly dirty pube on the urinal for everyone to see.

  193. Maybe I’m the only one, but it drives me nuts when people leave their garbage cans next to the road for multiple days. You might not understand living in a big city, but here in the suburbs, you take the trash out to the street on garbage day (morning), and you bring them in when you get home (evening). I understand that you might have a life and don’t come straight home, but if you come and go three times a day and still can’t manage, you have a problem.

  194. People who hang up on you. Even better people who annouce they are hanging up on you.

    Landlords – MOST landlords deserve a big fat punch.

  195. dog walker non shit picker upper. next time these bastrds dont pick up the steamy pile in my front yard, I wanna give them a one two to the jowels

  196. The person who uses a giant golf umbrella in midtown Manhattan. As if it’s not miserable enough when it rains in New York City, that douchebag has to walk around with his giant WMD of an umbrella. Shorter people can not get around him and taller people risk torn corneas when coming within three feet of him. This is the male equivalent to “No Etiquette Umbrella Lady”.

    Are you golfing? No. Are you too morbidly obese to fit under a regular umbrella? No. Do you have a brood of children under it with you a la Brangelina? No. SO SAVE IT FOR GOLFING!

    There is no place for golf umbrellas in New York City.

  197. “Mr. Big Bad Older Brother”
    You know him, the older brother who thinks he can tear apart his little sister’s boyfriend but get his ass kicked, the older brother who tries to beat you up but instead gets a bloody nose. the older brother you just cant stand being around. He acts like hes a bad ass cause hes dating “so and so” and she looks like rosie o’donnel ate kirsten alley.
    overall, Mr. Big Bad Older Brother, needs to be taken down, with a punch to the jugular.

  198. Women who name-drop their belongings: “Where are my Pradas?!? Where ARE my Pradas?!!?”

    You mean your SHOES?

    I already blogged my bitter little heart out about my ex-wife-in-law doing this but it still drives me wild. PWDI: you’ve got the bigger audience and more people need to know about this pretentious bullshite.

  199. Girl-who-extensively-but-vaguely-describes-the-dream-she-had-last night.

    There is nothing to say back to this when people force you to listen about it because it isn’t REALITY.

    The only thing you can try to do is also really annoying: Guy-who-pretends-to-know-something-about-dream-interpretation-and-then-talks-to-you-about-the-movie-Waking-Life

  200. on 05/28/2009 at 11:56 PM | Reply nickspeerience

    Kanye West.

    A guy who’s mom was an ENGLISH TEACHER, a guy who is a proud hater of books and opposer of literacy, just wrote a book. A man who disdains reading and gathering information is now asking you to buy a book for you to read. Full of “Kanye-isms”. Which he dedicated to his mom.

    He needs a punch in the face. (And to be denied access to any keyboard with a Caps Lock).

  201. I like this site. It’s entertaining. Makes for a lively conversation.

  202. on 05/28/2009 at 2:22 AM | Reply James Harris

    How about people that say things as jokes, but don’t say it in a way that implies that it’s a joke? How about racists? What about people that believe every urban legend, conspiracy theory, or religious bullshit that comes around? People that walk around and tell Dane Cook, Family Guy, Russell Peters, etc. jokes? How about people that yell shit at pedestrians as they pass by in their cars? Self-righteous religious people? Jack Thompson? People that try to sue over everything?

  203. On behalf of all waiters/bartenders etc.
    I’ve always known this one from my folks, but many must not due to how often it happens…
    People who tip odd amounts on their bill when paying by credit/debit card. For example, bill comes to $36.29 and they tip $6.71 so that the total charge is an even $43.00. Is it so hard to add a whole dollar amount? $6 or $7? This has a cummulative effect as the first couple of the evening aren’t a big deal, but when you’re busy and after counting out and carrying around pockets of change all night (which get heavy until your able to count it out!) you want to lose it, even if the tip is good!
    Also, insultingly small tips ($2 on a $30 bill for example, with excellent service) Please don’t even bother. It’s more insulting than not leaving anything at all. At least then we can tell ourselves it was just an oversight.

    Thank you for the opportunity to vent, it’s been a long day!

  204. on 05/28/2009 at 12:16 AM | Reply Aaron Gamble

    my boss

  205. on 05/28/2009 at 12:14 AM | Reply Aaron Gamble

    people who say “thank you much”

  206. Jerks that bring their newborns or babies to work

    Jerks that bring their newborns or babies to work and cause a mid-day office riot. The stampede of estrogen enriched woman to the stroller and their loud and annoying ogling is enough to make me want to shoot myself.

    • totally agree. And everyone thinks you should want to hold it if you are female. Then it starts squalling. I don’t like babies, so I don’t work at a daycare, get it out!

  207. The person who rubs in your face that they’re doing something that you’d love to do but they’re just ‘meh’ about or don’t really are for that sort of thing/place/noun but can revel in the fact that they did it and you didn’t.

  208. How about “Doddering Elderly Person who Jumps Lines?”

    We’ve all been there. Lining up for something – a hotdog, a gallery ticket, a bank teller. Then DEPJL comes strolling in, looks about them in a confused way and goes straight to the counter/vendor/bathroom completely ignoring everyone else who’s patiently waiting. When questioned, they intensify the confused look and say something like “oh! Oh dear me. I didn’t realise. I must be getting old!” as if to remind you that they’re you’re elder and you should let them do anything they damned well please. Not on my watch DEPJL, not on mine.

    • Couple-That-Doesn’t-Stop-At-Petting-In-Public.

      They’re that couple that you thought you ran away from in high school, but never seems to die. They just keep coming back in another form. They swap spit like it’s their last time to see you. And when you complain about it? They just get mad at you and tell you to go get some. If you haven’t gotten any in a while, you don’t need a reminder. Make them feel the pain. Punch them until their fellow PDA-er won’t touch them with a ten foot pole. Please.

      For the children.

  209. Miss Arrogant Zealot VonFaith-Pusher

    We get it. I like Jesus, too, but I want to crucify your face.

  210. An extension of #168 – the “Just Kiddin” girl:

    I’d like to nominate a punch in the face to the a-hole who begins his annoying snap-judgement sentences with “No offence, but…”.
    Just because you prefaced your sentence with “No offence, but…” doesn’t mean I wont take offence.

    No offence, but I want to punch you in the face.

    • I second this.

      • on 09/17/2009 at 2:07 AM Krissaaay

        Some people seem to think that it’s ok to follow this phrase with something totally racist or one of my person unfavorites “I just think that people should only date within their race” WTF??? Is it still 1920 in your world?

  211. Insult Bloodhound – Even if you try your best to word things as perfectly as possible to convey that you are NOT insulting anyone, these people will hunt down any scrap of evidence that you could POSSIBLY be insulting them. They obscenely twist your words around to justify their addiction to feeling offended.

    Example: On a message board, reminiscing about old friends, you say a past user was like a legend. Another user butts in and angrily states that everyone is equal, and how dare the you imply that some people are lower than others.

  212. The people whos parents always have to be an awesome cook.

    “Wow this is a great pulled pork sandwich.”

    “No way man my mom makes the BEST pulled pork on the planet.”

  213. guy who gets handsy with you at shows.
    when you go to see a show you’re generally expecting good music, some drinks, and rabble rousing. during a set you feel some somebody “brush” against you, and even though they lingered a wee bit too long you let it go. granted the place is packed so little bumps here and there are expected, but round two comes around and this dude’s playing with your butt like a kitten with a piece of string. this asshole keeps this shit up even though you’ve shoved him, kicked him in the twatwaffle, and shouted general things like ” I WILL MURDER YOU”. by the end of the set you’re disgusted and fiddling with your mace for payback, and he’s lingering around the darkened corners of the bar looking for his next victim.
    so PLEASE…punch this piece of clownshit right where it counts.

  214. Attention-Span of a Fish Conversationalist – This person starts a conversation with you then, when you’re in the middle of a sentence, just walks away.

    Vocal Twilight Hater – We all get it, they hate Twilight and all of its fans. Still, they continue to blather on intensely about just how much they HATE the book. Their facebook is covered with anti-Twilight stickers and flair, and the mere mention of the books, movies, vampires, or anything related to Twilight will set off a shitstorm of, “Oh my GOD, that is the WORST story EVER! All of the twitards are ANNOYING!” All the while, they’re miserably unaware that their hatred is just as bad as the obsessive fans.

    Arrogant Know-it-All Fan – The know-it-all fan is someone who knows every single detail, and acts like anyone who doesn’t know everything about whatever they’re a fan of can’t POSSIBLY be any kind of fan of it at all. “What?? You don’t know what color shirt the obscure character from episode 10 of season 2 was wearing? You aren’t a fan at all– HEATHEN!”

    Problem Belittler – Their response to OTHER people’s problems is usually a sarcastic, “Wow, sucks to be you,” followed by an arrogant, “At least you aren’t a starving child in Africa.” Their response to meeting a starving African child would probably be, “At least you aren’t being mauled by a lion.” Usually, when they have problems themselves, they have no qualms about whining about it. The proper response to their holier-than-thou attitude is a fist to the face. Guess what you get to say when they complain that it hurts?

  215. people who assume a woman is on her period just because she doesnt like YOU, or what you’re talking about. i recently had to witness an argument about something as silly as prom comittee when the guy says to the girl when she dindn’t agree ‘jeez, are you on your period?’ as if there was no other explination why she could not agree with him.

    • I could not agree more. It’s degrading to be reduced to menstruating just because you’re mad.

  216. PETA activists. They seem to take it for granted that belonging to PETA automatically makes them morally superior to everyone else.

  217. Capt. and Mrs. Our High Pitched Dog Barks All Day and Night and We Don’t Think It Will Bother Anyone

  218. people that don’t wear deoderant
    when you’re running a marathon, the person behind you doesn’t want to smell your porous body prespirating a gallon of sweat.

  219. people that don’t wear deoderant
    when you’re running a marathon the person behind you doesn’t want to smell your porous body prespirating a gallon of sweat.

  220. Looks like you even got Dilbert on the bandwagon:http://dilbert.com/dyn/str_strip/000000000/00000000/0000000/000000/50000/4000/500/54567/54567.strip.gif

    punch everyone with an MBA? oh Ya.

  221. People who say something not nice to you and then end it with “Just kidding”. No you are not – that is not kidding.

    Walking by people in the hallway at work and saying Hi to them – and they just look at you and do not say Hi back. It’s not only rude, but who do they think they are?

    People who do not use their turn signal. Period. Pure selfishness.

    People who sit right in front of you at the movies when the theatre is empty.

    People who practically lay on top of you at the beach – when there is plenty of room around you. Why do people do this? You are invading my space!!!!

  222. on 05/20/2009 at 2:01 PM | Reply Samuel Guthrie

    How about roommates who try to get a good nights’ sleep, but then are such light sleepers that they can’t stand you doing anything (using the bathroom, watching a movie, etc. ) because it will keep them awake?

  223. Person who doesn’t flush the toilet.
    Above everyone, they deserve a punch.

  224. on 05/19/2009 at 4:54 PM | Reply Jaime Peters

    Doctor Who Keeps You Waiting for Test Results – You’ve already made the tough decision, in recognition of your lower leg hanging from a mere two tendons with blood freely flowing, to go to the all night doctor’s office. You can handle the two hours in the waiting room while the flu-types and the gonorrhea ridden are seen before you. And you can even wait patiently while Dr. “name-you-can’t-possibly-pronounce” gives you an initial exam and runs his little tests.

    ut then you come in for the follow up appointment, an appointment which you made so you wouldn’t have to wait the two hours in the waiting room. And this joker has you sitting in an exam room with nothing but pain charts with smiley and grimacing emoticons to stare at while he goes to get your test results.

    When he returns 45 minutes later show him how you’ll be using those pins he put in your knee two weeks earlier: as your new pointy brass knuckles.

  225. Sweaty couch sitter- those people who come back for a run or the gym drenched in sweat and then insist on sitting on the fabric couch. Nothing like laying in a sweaty pool after your sweaty couch sitter finally leaves to shower

  226. Off beat clappers.
    Usually a guy at sporting events, concerts, ect.
    They think it’s funny and look around to the people who are standing near them with a goofy grin but it really says “Yeah, I’m that douche”
    Seriously, they need a punch in the face.

  227. on 05/16/2009 at 1:52 AM | Reply Sydney belle

    People who take to long in a drive thru

    People who skip thru walmart

    People who say hello to everybody

    People who copy what other people do for a living

    People who let their kid were belly shirts but their kids are fat

    people who brag

    people who like batman comics when their over the age of 30.

  228. co-workers who kiss the boss’s ass

  229. Drivers who stop in the fast line…did their gas pedal suddenly break or something? There are so many a-holes on the road who deserved to be punched in the face, how are they not on here yet???

  230. People who fail to clean up after their dog defecates on the sidewalk.

    Drivers on the FDR nearing the exit to the Brooklyn Bridge who get into the exit lane at the last minute cutting at least 50 cars who have been waiting.

  231. People who sing or hum (always off key) while wearing headphones.

  232. People who stand in the middle of the aisle at grocery stores not letting anyone pass. They usually go hand in hand with the people who block aisles talking to their friends they ran in to.

  233. on 05/12/2009 at 3:56 PM | Reply Wasted Woody

    A$$holes who throw their gum on the sidewalk. Too lazy to find a trash can or proper place to get rid of it. I just spent 10 minutes trying to clean some off of my sneakers. And who knows what kind of diseased mouth it came from? I can tell them where to deposit it next time!!

  234. The 40 year old Mexican lady that things her FUP looks cute in a leopard print mini-skirt when you go to a formal ceremony!

  235. How about the person who decides to piggy back a persons stop at a stop sign, nearly killing you in the process?? I HATE those people. Nearly been hit like 6x like that. Next time it happens, I’m ripping off my wiper blade and beating them to death with it.

  236. How about people who decide that the person who stopped at a stop sign in front them, stopped for both of them?? The person in front of them stops, they come up behind them, and try piggy backing off of their stop. I HATE that. I’ve nearly been hit like 6x due to these douchebags. The next time this happens I’m getting out of my car, ripping off my windshield wiper and beating them to death with it.

  237. People who stress out about EVERYTHING

  238. on 05/11/2009 at 3:31 AM | Reply Uncle Carl

    People at the movies who get mad at you for sitting in front of them because they want to put their feet up.

  239. on 05/11/2009 at 3:29 AM | Reply Uncle Carl

    Bartenders/Waiters who call you ‘boss’ or ‘chief.’

  240. The last minnute people who come to the movies and Stand in the front wondering why there is no seats and then they ask you to move down some seats to make room for their fat asses! Seriously ppl sit a seat or two away from on another for a reason. Next time come earlier and skip the snack bar! Or sit up front!

  241. How about the family member who blasts music through the entire house. I’m 16 and my dad loves to do this. The worst part is, he LOVES jazz fusion. Every Friday he puts on a Chic Corea (if you haven’t heard of them, your not missing anything) DVD, and turns the volume of his gigantic stereo way up. If I have to hear those soulless wankers masturbate their instruments one more time I think I might go on a homicidal rampage.

    If you do an entry on this I will be very grateful, because I can show it to him and he’ll realize that I’m not the only one who thinks it’s rude to blast music no one in the house but him likes.

  242. Deadbeat dads that spend all their money on dope instead of using it on child support.

  243. How about that asshole back in high school that was forced to be your lab partner. You had no option in being assigned him and the teacher forced his lazy ass on you.

    You end up doing all the work while he ends up fucking around during labs and not doing shit for the lab report that is worth the test grade.

    Yet, you happen to do all of the work and get that B+ that you’ve been working your ass off for, and he just shows up and doesn’t do shit, and still gets your same grade.

  244. “incessant button pushers”
    the people get on the elevator and see that a button is already pushed and then push it like 10 times anyways? same thing goes for cross-walks… like thats really gonna make it go any faster!!!

    another one… people who dress their dogs up in human clothes! ugh! i swear they might need a bullet instead of a fist

  245. You must include Fuckers who don’t thank you when you hold the door open for them — they just keep walking.. . .

    Or douche nozzles who don’t respond when you say, “Hello”, and instead they just make that stupid grimace

    I believe they are the same person, anyway.

    • Look how important I am college facebook status poster:

      i.e. Con-law is sooooooooooooooooo hard why did i ever go to law school?!

      Three papers to write and two exams tomorrow, looks like its guna be an all nighter lolz!

      Wake up, work, class, study, class, work at my other job, study all night……..does anyone have any coffee??!

      You’re right, it must be horrible to be in college in a down economy with your parents paying your rent as their neighbor’s house gets foreclosed on…but we should go buy you a coffee. Get over yourself.

  246. OK, how is it even possible that Joe the Plumber is not on your list? Did you know that it’s considered a federal offense to make a list of people you’d like to punch in the face that exceeds 10 people and does NOT include Joe the Plumber?

    Get your act together, people. The man is a walking “Punch Me In the Face Now” sign. Honor him.


  247. Douchebags who occupy tables at restaurants for extended periods of time after finishing their meal.

    Have some f*cking consideration for the people who are waiting for the table that you don’t have the common sense to leave, even though you’ve been there for hours and the restaurant is losing money and other people are hungry and waiting to eat. Morons!

  248. on 04/30/2009 at 8:46 PM | Reply thatgirll2394

    “Text Dumper”-

    We all hate those people who have no balls and break up with some one through a text message. You’re already going to break their heart, at least have the decency to at least call the person since you have a phone in your hand anyways.

    You deserve to fall on my fist.

    • This is equally as shitty- my Dad passed away this year & my Brother-In-Law sent his condolences via text… sorry ass fuck!

  249. People who don’t read the site before suggesting a punch.

  250. People that start a fight with you and when you try to talk it out with them they run off and go on facebook to bash you and when you confront them again they say you started the fight and they act like the victim and make you seem like the villain. They deserve a good punch in the face or a sternum stomping.
    Another person that deserves it is the Friend Stealer the guy that has no friends at all and when you have a good group of friends they invite themselves to your parties and brown nose to all of your friends and eventually replace you. People like that need a good face smashing.

      Take responsibilities for your own social shittyness.
      Also why do you care about sombody elses facebook shit.

      Act like an adult.

  251. Excessively Loud Roommate. You try to sleep because you need to get up early the next morning, but this asstard just won’t shut up because he loves hearing his own damn voice too much. You tell him to shut the fuck up, but you can still hear his voice loud and clear across the house / apartment like he was right next to you.

  252. Acoustic-Guitar-Toting-Party-Killer

    We’ve all been to that one party that’s going just fine. There’s cold beer in the fridge, there’s french house music and 80’s dance hits blasting from the stereo, and then some douchebag inevitably whips out his acoustic guitar to play a few tunes.

    These guys, even more than cops, are the true terminal illness that will kill a party within an hour, or at least hobble it so badly that it will never fully recover.

    It starts out innocently enough. Some guy who has his guitar is talking about how he just learned to play Incubus’ “Drive” (a true standard for these assholes) in an attempt to get into the pants of a drunk sorority girl, who then goads him into playing. So just when things are going so smoothly, the dance music goes out, and we all have to sit around and wait for the guy to play “Good Riddance” or “Redemption Song” or, if they’re truly advanced, “The General.”

    And there are polite applause, and soon some girl yells for him to play his original stuff. He shyly declines, but she presses the issue, soon others join in, and before you know it, he’s wailing out his three-chord, tuneless wonder.

    The reason this guy is the death nail for any party is because, while good dance music puts everyone in a nice, upbeat mood, his somber warblings bring everyone down. When he wraps up an hour later, it’s a guarantee that half of the people will have left, while the rest are sprawled and sedated on the couches.

    This is, of course, unless another guitarist is there to play lead, in which case be prepared for the horror to go on for another hour at least while the two totally jam, after a 20 minute period when they try to figure out a song they both know.

  253. Parents who bring their kids to an R-rated movie and complain about the sex.

    The guy who just comes us and stares at you without saying anything.

    The bible bashers.


    The guy who still uses “So’s your face” jokes

    Timeshare guys.

    Women who dress like whores, and get upset when people hit on them/ star at them.

    The roommate who invades ur privacy.

  254. guy trying to put his oversized luggage in the overhead bin space, or guy who tries to take on more personal items than he’s supposed to. your gentleman’s european handbag PLUS swiss army rollerbag PLUS your briefcase is one too many, bucko.

  255. People who are only famous because there father is! (aka Mylie Cyrus, Paris Hilton!)

  256. Minor Niners!!

    These little f***ers come to high school first day thinking they’re all tough shit just because they are no longer in elementary school. They start shit and when they get initiated they bitch about it like they’re the only ones who went through it. They even start fights with senior students twice their size and chicken out cause they realise how screwed they are.

    What’s worse is the next day they realise how tiny and insignificant so they start to cluster. They don’t move when in these clusters to the point where they clog up hallways and get in the way of everything. Holy shit learn to walk! They are about as useful as arm hair, you don’t know why you have to have it, but it’s their anyways!

  257. The Moocher
    so im eating some popcorn and their all like
    “can i have some?” but then their like
    “gobble gobble gobble”
    and its all gone.
    how about gobbling my FIST!

  258. Jehova’s Witnesses

    Alright you crazy old people, stop coming door to door to house to get us to join your pathetic excuse for a religion. If you would leave just a brochure in our mail box maybe we wouldn’t be so annoyed as much when you try to convert us. People don’t appreciate you coming at like 9 in the morning in the summer, waking us up, to ask us to join a religion, when we already have one.

    If it is your goal to annoy the shit out of us and make us want to slam the door in your face, then a job well done. By the way Jehova means jesus, so I’m pretty sure people won’t bother wasting their time switching to a religion they already follow. If you do plan to smite us for not joining you then you can take that pamphlet and shove it up your over religious old ass!

  259. Guy who thinks he has an inside joke with you, and makes it with you every time he sees you. (Like, “hey man, when are you taking me out for dinner?”) Even if you try and sneak past him, he manages to scope you out and make it with you.

    Also, the guy who thinks he is the cat’s pajamas because he’s smoking a cigarette

    Also, the guy who thinks hes the shit because he’s talking to a hot girl, despite the fact that he would never hook up with her, and he’s probably a virgin

  260. “Girls who wear jeans 3 sizes to small for them because they think its sexy that their graceless grotesque love handles protrude from their sides”

  261. on 04/23/2009 at 5:40 PM | Reply Sam And Kyla And Kayla

    -Lottery Ticket Feind

    -Last Minute Shopper

    -Those old ladies that are skinny as hell, wrinkly to the max, wear as much make-up as possible, probably 70 but have long, dry bleach blond hair, wears leather and skin-tight clothes. Basically, a sixty year-old who thinks she’s still sixteen. 😐

    -Guy who think it’s still the 60’s.

    -Guy that spits when he talks

    -White girls pretending to be asian, but know they can’t pull it off.

    -Chalkboard scratchers

    -Talks in the library lady

    -Talks in third person guy

    -Guy who thinks a fast food employee’s world revolves around them getting their coffee/Big Mac.

    -Enlightened Lad (Often a stoner who thinks he knows the secret to life)

    -Twilight Fangirls. 😐

    -Poseur Kids

    -Kids who think ’emo’ is a brand of clothing that you can order off the internet.

    -People who blow smoke in your face.

    -Skinny person who can eat five tonnes of food, and don’t gain an ounce.

    -Girl who wears athletic clothing, but have large asses.

    -People who take a subject/object/ band/etc and pretend to know everything about it. EVERYTHING.

    Man, we’ve still got hundreds up our sleeve. 😐 We’re hateful people. XD

  262. “Mamsy pamsy straw sucking guy”.

    Straws are for kids, under 10. They are not for men.

    Simple as that.

    It’s a MASSIVE TURN OFF to see a guy gayly sucking his drinkie winkie with a strawsie wawsie.

    I want to get that straw and slam it up his nose until it pierces his brain and leaves him dead.

    It’s horrible.

  263. Obsessive facebook status updater
    Party creeper – I’m being standoffish for a reason, now leave me alone!

  264. on 04/22/2009 at 6:33 PM | Reply Matthew Seskin


    So the next time you see an 80 pound girl pretend to be wasted after drinking non-alcoholic beer, give her what she wants by a fist-induced blackout.

  265. on 04/22/2009 at 6:30 PM | Reply Matthew Seskin


    So if you see this bitch with more cottage cheese on her legs than your local supermarket has, be sure to remind her that she should lose weight by taking away her ability to open and close her jaw.

  266. in response to larry eubank… the get of my street guy is less interesting than the drive slower than shit guy–who, from what i gathered from your testament above, might be you. we should honor the get off my street guy, because without him, we might not ever get anywhere on time. im guessing that you’re from somewhere ridiculous like… pennsylvania. or ohio. because those people drive like their amish (because a lot of them are…)

    now to the operators of this blog… maybe you should do something about “alway picking fights on youtube guy”. and “the drunken politics and world peace guy”. or the “i go to community college, ‘but it’s cool, man’ guy”

  267. “Sits Next to You on the Bus Even Though You are the ONLY Other Person On It Guy”

    If one is fortunate enough to have their afternoons free of work commitments, children, and any other element of a social life whatsoever, as many postgraduate students do, one often finds oneself on the bus home during non-peak travel hours. It’s a peaceful time to sit back, relax, look out at the scenery, watch the mad world go by. So, there I am, sat on the top deck of a big red bus, merrily making my way home. Just me and one or two vagrants, the odd youth ditching school to scrawl graffiti on the seats(he’s another story), and the teenage mother with her oversized pram on the bottom level (don’t get me started). Suddenly, I’m being invaded! This man (always a man, it seems) comes from the same illustrious family of social miscreants as the close talker or the personal space invader. Here he comes, up the stairs and PLOP, he seats himself next to ME, of all people. He has bypassed ALL the empty window seats in order to place himself next to me, his elbow in my ribs a constant reminder of his presence. He might even sit with his knees wide apart, forcing me to squish up against the side of the bus in order to avoid him. Whatever disease he has that makes him such a total fucking asshole might be catching, after all. I try to be understanding, hoping he may just be on the bus for a few stops. I consider that he might have OCD and his chemical imbalance requires him to sit in that seat and that seat only. But I always come to the same conclusion: he’s just a douche.

  268. PLEASE do the “3000 mph snot reverser”!

    I work with this woman who constantly does the big nasal drawback, its really loud and very very disturbing. She does this constantly in meetings where chat stops when she does it. Does it stop her from doing it? NO IT FUCKING DOESNT. What is that?

    It comes from the depths of her throat and nose, it must be fucking huge, it sounds fucking huge!

  269. Shirtless guy.

    That guy who can’t be bothered to wear a shirt, no matter the situation, nor the ugliness of his torso.

  270. “the guy with the ‘forever ballin’ tattoo on his back”. so, i can’t exactly find a picture but i’m sure, as you seem to be a keen observer of retarded-ness to the highest degree, you can agree that people like this do exist. the basic idea is that anyone with high-grade ridiculousness permanently placed somewhere on his or her body should get punched (hard) in the jaw.

  271. everything is wrong with me!!
    Fiber mialga? arthritic hip at 35? Old sports injury? Headache? Digestion problems? The person who seems to have everything, or has had everything. There fore they are an expert at everything.

  272. Obama freak
    the person who seems to care about every single thing the president does, including what he wears and eats….. I am all for knowing what is going on, but please can you give the man some space. He is not a cast member of the hills. Great he got a new dog, it’s idiots like this that make that a news story for weeks!!!

  273. noisy gym machine tool!!
    You knwo the person who is on a cardio machine that is broken enough that it’s making a loud noise. A shreak, or a squeal. But god forbid they get off the machine, tell someone it needs to be fixed so they take it out of service. Instead thier workout is the most important of the day, so we are lucky enough to hear this machine squeak for the next 29 minutes. Ask the narcisit to change machines and you get the blank look like your the asshole.

  274. Violent locker room nose blower. You know the guy at the gym who blows his nose in the shower, or worse yet in the sink. Beyond that being completeley disgusting it is so loud. Who the hell do you think you are to blow your nose in a communal shower, about 100 years ago they invented kleenex, before that it was a hanky. It has not been acceptable to blow your nose like a nascar fan for centuries.

  275. Mr. “Get off of my street” guy:

    This is the guy in the car behind you, who :
    1) tailgates you for about half a mile, never letting more than half a car-length get between the two cars. He’s a very important person who has to get where he’s going RIGHT NOW;

    2) blows his horn in anger when you slow down to turn off.
    It’s like he’s saying, “Why are you impeding my progress by slowing down to actually make that turn? If you had any concern for me, you’d take the turn at full speed and plow into that tree over there. I’m SO mad at you!”

    I hate that guy.

  276. People who wait in line to use the slightly taller drinking fountain instead of just using the short one. Is it really necessary to wait in line to use the taller one? Are you that insecure that you would never consider bending down a little further to use the shorter one?

  277. people who spend money on a personalized license plate, but get the make or model of their car on it. get a personality and/or an accountant, you giant bag of douche.

  278. The bitches that are rude when leaving a parking garage/lot. For instance, today, I left a concert, and of course there was lots of traffic in the parking garage afterwards. I parked next to the exit to get out easier, and after waiting for 15 minutes, we finally started inching up. Then, this bitch scoots up and says no, though trying to smile. Then when some people were walking in front of her car, I suddenly had an opening and cut in, and started laughing. I was going to back up and let her go, but she got all kinds of crazy, stood in front of my car, and made her daughter drive the car forward so we couldn’t go. She deserves a punch BIG TIME!

  279. Parents that don’t shut their crying baby/ tantrum throwing toddler up
    i hate them

  280. Kid With Laser. Yeah, that annoying brat who sits in the hotel lobby, the mall, or wherever else, shining that red beam directly in one’s eye. Him or his mom who lets him do it in the first place!

  281. Facebook couples. Those who have to have their profile pictures including both of them, they constantly post lovely messages on each others walls, and ALWAYS have their status updates reflecting their love for one another. It’s cute at first, but when you realize they do it multiple times a day.. no. They need a punch.

  282. Passing lane hoggers on the freeway. You know, those jerks who won’t get over and let people pass while they sail along at 2 mph faster than the people in the right lane. They are even oblivious while people pass them on the right.

    Loud car stereo players in traffic. You’re invading my space with your crappy music. Stupid future Miracle Ear customers.

  283. on 04/17/2009 at 9:39 PM | Reply Caroline and Sarah!

    -People who insist on making pointless conversation with you when you’re listening to your ipod.

    -People who say “No offense…” before insulting you.

    -Three words: Freshman party whores.

  284. Co-workers who blatantly pick their nose at their desks!!

  285. on 04/16/2009 at 5:57 PM | Reply Alex Svensson

    The people who insist on carrying their loud conversations with them into bathroom stalls. They sit there on the toilet, talking on their cellphone at the top of their lungs while doing things on the toilet that are equally as loud…and more disturbing. And then they TALK about what they’re doing too on the toilet and say “hang on john i’m talking a huge crap right now”.

    You People Are SICK…..

  286. people singing to themselves but not actually singing (lipsyncing)

    i told you i can keep on going

  287. redneck slapper

    guy who retells same stories

    people who ask why all the time

    people who over use the terms “uhhh” and “ok” in every sentence

    i can keep on going

  288. Overly Nice Canadians. What is wrong with you people? Don’t be so nice, it’s weird.

  289. People who use up YOUR last bit of toilet paper on the roll, then leave the old paper-less roll on the hanger thing and use a new roll without taking the old one down.

  290. on 04/15/2009 at 8:30 PM | Reply austin andrews

    girls with penises

  291. on 04/15/2009 at 5:41 PM | Reply Gwenhwyfar

    People who complain about one social networking site while obsessively using the other via their crackberry. Hypocrisy?

  292. on 04/15/2009 at 3:44 PM | Reply Stevey 1337

    How about people who don’t wave when you let them turn in traffic? Or people who turn without using a signal. I could punch a fucker for that.

  293. Please punch: “Whoever-Invented-That-Plastic-Packaging-For-Scissors-where-the-Only-Way-To-Get-Them-Out-Is-To-Get-Another-Pair-Of-Scissors-To-Cut-Them-Out-In-The-First-Place”

    Purely idiotic

    Enough said…

  294. Inconsiderate-Train-Seat-Hogger

    The Inconsiderate-Train-Seat-Hogger is definetely asking for a good punch on the head – like come on, scoot over and close your damn legs because we all know your balls don’t need all that seat space! Manners and consideration for others thank you very much!

  295. Obnoxious grocery store recycle room hogger. All you want to recycle is your 30 rack and the girlfriend’s six smirnoff ice bottles from last night’s party and obnoxious grocery store recycle room hogger manages to get into the room 20 seconds before you with 17 shopping carts full of cans and bottles they clearly took off the curb from their entire neighborhood and WON’T let you go first!!!

  296. you should definitely consider “person who sniffles all the time.”
    for a good closing line, you should definitely involve lining their nostrils with blood if they dont stop.

  297. Grocery Shopper Who Breathes Down Your Neck In The Check-Out Line.

    Please take one giant step back.

  298. I’d suggest ‘Weekend Odd Jobs Guy’, except I don’t think a punch to the face is adequate for someone who starts a circular saw at 8:00am on a Sunday morning only metres from your open bedroom window…

  299. The Jackass Who Complains About How Much Work He Has During Finals Week

    IT’S FUCKING FINALS WEEK YOU MORON! We all have a bitch-ton of work that none of us want to do, but guess what? This isn’t a fucking competition to find out whose life sucks more based on workload. So shut up before I shove your microeconomics textbook down your throat.

  300. “Ummmm.. Could I just have a few more minutes to look?” Lady whose been staring at the menu for the last ten minutes, and will end up ordering something that she can’t even pronounce to look cool and then bring it back because it’s not sweet enough. I don’t make gas station cappucinos bitch.

  301. how about any kid or adult that kicks your chair
    that shit is annoying as hell

  302. Airplane Seat Kicker
    That kid, anywhere between the ages of walking and pubescence, that insists on kicking your seat the entire flight.
    Or the kid’s parent, who can’t take the time to tell their demon child to stop giving you whiplash.

  303. Constant facebook/myspace app inviter. Look – if I wanted the app I would get it myself. I don’t want to be in your “mafia wars” or get “owned.” No thanks.

  304. People who eat loudly, or breathe through their mouth as they are eating which makes me feel sick as well as angry!
    or people who make obvious statements during a film or ask questions your not going to know about the film just yet

  305. How about an ‘SMS abuser’ or an ‘unnecessary texter?’ The kind of person who sends out, “Happy (insert holiday)” pictures, prefers entire call-worthy conversations to carry on via text, and replies to your text with “k” – “k” costs me a nickel on my plan; and trust me, I get alot of fucking “k’s”

  306. Those completley self centred retarded fuckwhits that decide to leave there mobile phone on speaker in the train. So everyone has to hear the pathetic ethnic music or gangster rap coming out of the piece of shite. Look I understand your took fucked up to understand how to use headphones but theres no need to pass your life missfourtunes on to everyone around you. yeah i like to shove that phone in ya face so you can hear better then. And we can hear you moan in pain instead.

  307. The Overly Cautious Driver.

    Let’s drive at 50km/h in a 60 zone. Let’s go to first gear to go around this really wide corner. Let’s take a really long time to go through these orange lights.

  308. the constant “ring for assistance” bell ringer

  309. white kids who think they are black

  310. on 04/10/2009 at 11:53 PM | Reply austin andrews

    The annoying tagalong you just can’t get rid of. Just when you think not answering his calls will put you in the clear, this motherfucker shows up on your doorstep. He knows you hate him, but for some crazy reason he finds it fun to fuck up your plans for the day. He’s creepy and stalkerish to say the least. Not to mention, he may be a redneck. Give this annoying piece of shit a punch square in the face, and when he’s on the ground make sure you throw in a “Get the fuck outta here!”

  311. people who abbreviate every word they use.
    “I lmao-ed”
    “I’m so hungy, i need to go to Den’s/McDon’s/whatever”
    i hate it.

  312. on 04/10/2009 at 3:41 PM | Reply Clayton Walker

    the guy that makes a jump shot to the trash can and continues to miss and tries again

  313. You know how facebook has about a million different “save children being absued”, “save our enviroment”, “sexual predators should have their balls cut off” groups that people join?

    Those douchbags deserve to eb punched for trying to send the rest of us on undeserved guilt trips! When did joining a fucking group on facebook ever save the enviroment!

  314. How about the guys who go to the movie theater together, but who won’t sit right next to each other for fear people will think that they’re gay?

    Or, people who walk away with other people’s copies from the copier. Then you have to make the copy again, and when you go back to the copier to pick it up, the copy that you had just made mysteriously reappears…AAAARRRGGHHH!!!!

  315. Drunk Sports Fans Who Wear Mardi Gras Beads

    People who attended sporting events were, at one time, considered to be part of normal society. Until some piece of shit decided to start wearing Mardi Gras beads to games.

    The wearing of Mardi Gras beads opened up the world of sporting events to a huge host of drunk morons looking to “party”, because nothing represents a “party” like wearing Mardi Gras beads.

  316. The inconsiderate morons who cough and hack all over everyone without having the courtesy to cover their mouths – these are the same idiots who simply turn thier heads away when they sneeze, as opposed to covering thier fucking faces so that those of us closeby don’t get a nice dose of your germy-funk. And when you confront these assholes about covering their mouths (just like you have to do with children) they come back at you with this bullshit about how we all need germs to keep our immune systems working. These people need several hard punches in their faces for making such a stupid comment like that. So let me get this straight – you sneezing your snot and germs all over me is giong to keep my immune system working while it’s fighting off all the shit you just blew in my face….this is the dumbest thing I hear from people and along with needing to learn some basic common sense they also need many hard blows to the face.

  317. stupid girl who refuses to get a job because she has no time! boo hoo! she does no sport, dance or hobbies then proceeds to complain to me about how she has no time to do her homework! me who goes to school 30 hours a week, works 20 hours a week, trains 20 hours a week, plays netball on the weekends and volunteers as a lifesaver once a month all whilst having a fractured foot. if she’s gonna whinge, at least do it to domeone equally as lazy as her.
    also stupid girl who complains that her hip will take 2 weeks to heal, like it’s the end of the world. when you’ve been in constant pain for 2 and a half years let me know because then i may consider giving a shit.

  318. Consensual Parenting idiot; talk about someone that deserves a punch in the face. You throw away all responsiblity when it comes to raising your children and let them, the half-educated hoodlums who care less about their future and more about what episode of Spongebob is on today, decide when to go to bed, what to have for dinner, or even whether or not to go to school. You are too lazy and/or stupid to get off your fat ass and do some actual parenting; instead, you just sit around and decide that you’re right in you parenting choice while everyone else is just raising a new generation of thieves, murderers and rapists. Seriously, get up and tell those kids how they need to act or I will find you and give you a punch in the face personally.

  319. Guy at the gym who hasn’t shopped for gym clothes since 1981. This guy wears shorts made for an 8 year old or a roller derby chick. He also neglects to do the “reach test” to see if his “Long Island guys get all the girls” belly shirt no longer covers his gut. I HATE HIM!

  320. 1. Excessively loud typers. Do you really need to bang on your keyboard like a chimpanzee? We get it. You must be doing something REALLY IMPORTANT.

  321. I can’t stand it when someone quickly cuts me off when coming from another lane and there isn’t an appropriate distance between us. Then they end up driving so slowly that I have to therefore switch lanes to get around them.

  322. Hitler.

  323. Probably already mentioned, but anyone who wears crocs. THEY FAIL!! HELLO, PEOPLE??

    How about when you sit down outside during your lunch break to eat something really nice after 5 or so hours being cooped up inside, and then Mc Fuckface Smoko decides to sit just upwind of you, so you cop all their friggin ash all over your food. D<

    People who see friends at the top of escalators and decide to have a 20 minute conversation at the top of said elevator, blocking everyone’s way. D<

    Anyone who has a rattail. Instant fail.
    Anyone who thinks that a rattail is a perfectly good haircut to put on a child.

    You know the sort. You are recounting an amusing anecdote to a bunch of friends, amybe around a beer, maybe just hhaving lunch. They top your story. Plausibly, for certain. But they keep bloody doing it. For every single stroy you tell, they have one that’s just a little bit more amusing, whacky, or bigger.

  324. on 04/07/2009 at 4:53 PM | Reply Jon "Grog" C

    White suburban gangsta rap kids. If they dont piss you off to no end then your most likely one.

  325. My 7 year bf who, 1 week before leaving for our wedding in Dominican Republic, decides he doesnt want to get married and he doesnt love me anymore…i told him we would scrap the wedding and take it from there but for him its final…it’s worst than sex in the city…at least she got to wear her dress…oh yeah and there are 28 people who can not cancel or change their reservations…so i will be spending my week with no bf and with his family…shoot me!

  326. People whose hands are greasy (from chips, fries, pizza, whatever) who then touch/use something (remote, mouse, video game controller) and leave it all nice, oily, and greasy for the next user.

  327. Okay this is only cause I live in a highly dense Italian neighborhood, Italian Teenagers who wear tight purple hoodies, sweaters, t-shirts, cut off t-shirts and or shorts with a Bro hawk followed with Rat Tails and the top of the neck wear the hair starts!!

  328. How about the bitch that drives the same 5 under the posted speed limit as the douche in the car RIGHT next to her on a four lane highway for 20 miles making it impossible to pass either one of them. No amount of tailgating and hand gestures could get her oh, I dunno, look in her rear view mirror to view the parade she just created.

  329. “Overly pretentious grammar-correcting English major”

    Seriously, I hate this kind of person. I work with him. He has yet to realize that no one cares if it is who or whom, that’s isn’t a word, etc. Next time he corrects grammar, I want to tell him to take his ass to Starbucks, becasue that is where he’ll be working for the rest of his life. And then I’ll serve him up a fist of fury to the face.

  330. The Brake Abuser, has many forms. Either the Constant Tailer or the Overly Cautious Driver.

    CT is just some moron who is blatantly unaware of the speed limit and chooses to disrespect the other drivers by tailing them and forcing them to go faster.

    OCD has OCD and makes sure to read every single road sign 5 times slowly before continuing on, causing the people behind him a false sense of alarm.

  331. People walking on the wrong side of the mall.

    Seriously? There’s a reason the mall is split into two lanes by kiosks. Stay on the right side you fools.

  332. Where do I start…

    – Socks with sandles guy
    – The lady who talks loud to a person who obviously doesn’t speak english
    – The person on a bus who leaves a bag on the vacant seat beside them when there’s people standing
    – Tailgaters
    – Loud mouth drunk guy
    – Know it all sports statistics guy
    – The ‘I could could get this item cheaper in another shop’ woman
    – People who don’t use their turn signals
    – Mothers driving monster sized SUVs while on the cell phone
    – People who think that waiters are actually slaves
    – Queue holder upper
    – People who wear sunglasses on a cloudy day/inside
    – Politicians
    – Parents who can’t control their snotty kids
    – Rain
    – Anyone who tucks their pants into their socks
    – Drunk looking for a fight guy

    I’m sure I can think of more…

  333. on 04/06/2009 at 12:58 PM | Reply Mr iliveinarichsuburb

    Rich B***H dumbass Moms- Their Driving, their whining, and their ignorance of their children’s pain… Seriously these slimy gold-diggers DESERVE IT

  334. the tight Affliction t-shirt wearer spikey haired douchebag. yes i said it.

  335. I want to second the motion made by LDLH about people who tell you to have a blessed day. To take it even further, people who look for any way possible to either bless you or tell you how blessed they are, such as the people who after their incoming message on voicemail tell you to have a blessed day…..then there are those who when you ask them how they are doing they say “oh, I’m blessed…how are you?”
    ….my personal favorite ….
    how are you doing?……”oh, I’m blessed & highly favored”

    What the F%*K?….highly favored!…are you serious?…how do you follow up to that?

  336. Perfectly able people that use in-store mechanical wheelchair carts. Most of them are morbidly obese people who could use the exercise.

  337. on 04/05/2009 at 1:17 AM | Reply chibiknight

    The Wannabe Ganster

    The skinny-ass white kid who wears baggy clothes, talks like an urban black, and uses “gansta” hand gestures. -___- Grow up, buy some clothes that fit, and then receive a roundhouse kick to the face.

  338. on 04/05/2009 at 1:13 AM | Reply chibiknight

    Self-righteous Office Card Signer

    This asshole feels like he/she (usually she) need to write their name so it takes up the whole card space, only leaving a tiny bit for others to write on. They are so “important” anyways…They seriously deserve more than a punch.

  339. the person who sends their huge, high-resolution, 20 page document to the only printer in the department in the middle of the day, effectively delaying 30 people’s quick word documents from printing for the rest of the day, otherwise known as print-server hog.

  340. Emoticons in text messages, emails, letters and even handwritten notes. If I get another fucking”HI hows your day going sweetie? messages there’s going to be some wrists slit, and they aint gonna be mine :*(

  341. The dude who wears shorts in the middle of winter.

  342. Bank of Fucking America. Money grubbing whores.

  343. I suggest punching the crap out of people who have helped put us in this debit thoese McMansion whores who buy a huge house, a really nice car and place all payments and bills on their credit card and then come crying and begging for help when they need money for food and shelter!

    not our job to help you out of your stupid spending ways grow up and get better spending habbits !

  344. I would seriously like to punch the Self-Righteous Morality Enforcer in the FACE…

    This person drives just under the speed limit in the fast lane, forcing every American to reduce their need for speed.
    She calls your girlfriend to let her know that you just got that hot bartender’s digits.
    …and she takes your keys after you’ve only had two beers.

    Seriously, lady the holier-than-thou act is so Biblical, it has to make its way out of my social circle, stat.

  345. on 04/02/2009 at 2:11 PM | Reply Puckboy106

    Women who confide in you how horny they are all the time or have a very high sex drive, but they wont boink you, rather some thug wanna be douchebag.

    two fists in the back of the head for these.

  346. Tantrum kids in shopping centres. Just when you thought your ears were healthy, a little shit chooses to sever your eardrums because he wasn’t allowed to get a chocolate.

  347. hipsters who wear nonprescription raybans that they bought at urban outfitters

  348. People that say, “I don’t watch television.”

  349. The Best Boy Grip, screw that guy.

  350. Co-workers who act like a child, even when they are 40.

  351. Those guys that spray paint shoes and articles of clothing gold. What the hell, it doesn’t even look like real gold, and you’re not fooling anyone.

  352. The boss/co-worker/stranger on subway/woman in lift who stares at your breasts like they have never seen a pair before.

    Also, when its your boss/co-worker, they see you every day, its not like they have changed drastically from yesterday when you were staying at them. Just stop! Do you want me to get so annoyed I file a complaint?! or would shouting “look at my face when you talk to me” in the middle of the office be better?!

  353. People who over use terms such as honey, baby, sweetie, babe, love, etc..

    you make me hate terms of endearment more than i ever though possible.

  354. Oh, cylidrical lady, waddling down the hallway. Fire codes require that the hall be wide enough to pass you, but your Drunkards Walk ensures that I am unable to pass you, lest I touch your feculant purulent flesh. The Geneva Convention says we can’t use your perfume as “an extreme stress position”, even if the terrorists have a nuke hidden in NYC.

    I know you had some heart surgery a few years ago. Would it have been too much to ask for the surgeons to staple up that gut at the same time they were ballooning open your arteries? They could have given the OR’s Shop-Vac a workout, too, then used the extracted fat for biodiesel for the company trucks. Win-win.

    No, we’re stuck with you. Literally. I would rather walk behind the elephant seals at Sea World than get stuck behind you in the hallway one more time. I swear, you look like a refrigerator with a housecoat, the way you stagger.

  355. How about the dick bag who gives their server the “verbal tip.” They go on and on about how the service was great and everything was quick and the food was delicious. You get all hyped up thinking “YES! This family of 5 and their $50.00 bill will get me AT LEAST 20%. Good thing I worked by my butt off and i tolerated your small child touching my butt the entire time. Your wife is a bitch and you are extra creepy. But at least I’ll get a good tip!” only to find out they have you left you a whopping $3 on that big bill. Thanks for wasting my time, dickbag. I hope you get food poisoning.

  356. I can’t stand people who brag about being a VEGETARIAN but still eat meat (chicken and fish still count). Even more annoying are the semi/vegetarian aka flexitarian. If you sometimes eat meat your still an omnivore not a vegetarian so stop bragging and calling yourself a vegetarian just to make yourself feel better for eating meat.

  357. Asian chicks on tour of Pearl Harbor who giggle throughout the movie and on the tour. Evil looks and only slightly veiled threats did not quiet this bunch of idiots. Maybe we need to head to Hiroshima and laugh hysterically- only then maybe they’d get the idea.

  358. People who say, “I love you, but . . . “

  359. on 03/30/2009 at 9:20 PM | Reply Andrew Austins

    The old hag who takes out her misery and dried up unhappiness on everyone in her presence — mainly extremely old, need to retire teachers. Honestly, it’s not our fault her husband needs a bottle of viagra to pop one. Instead of one to the face, I suggest one to those nasty old sandbags!!

  360. on 03/30/2009 at 8:12 PM | Reply Puckboy106

    The Cubical Contortionist. – Due to the construction of our 6×8 daily cage, too many do not like the fact that your back is to the opening and your boss can see you surfing the web for the latest Coach purse release or the fact you are twittering when you should be working for the pay you demand at the end of every week.

    So against the human factors design of your assigned office area, you relocate your computer monitor at such an oblique angle, you must perform the 7 basic ballet movements in order to answer an e-mail or perform a pivot table in excel. This reconfiguration just screams to your boss and co-workers that you are using company equipment against the usage policy you signed up to follow. You might as well put up a big skull and cross bones flag over your cubical and begin to give opression speeches that would make jessie and Rev Al blush!

    It just a matter of time before the IT department gets wind of your cirque du cubical arrangement and starts tapping your internet feed for illegeal computer use. Also HR will start working on denying your health Insurance claims for back injury and carpal tunnel syndrome.

    So how is that working out for you?

  361. People who forward offensive viral e-mails and then don’t take responsibility for the content because, ‘I didn’t write it myself, I just passed it on for entertainment purposes.’

  362. Annoying co-workers who lurk at your desk. I hate them.

  363. People who misuse ‘Your’ and ‘You’re.’
    This gets me every single time I see it, because people do it CONSTANTLY. For instance when I see someone say something like “Your going to regret it,” or “your cute,” it bothers me more than anything. It’s like they don’t get that YOU ARE means anything. It’s YOU’RE CUTE or YOU’RE FUNNY, not YOUR.

    I want to say to people that constantly do this, as if it’s so difficult to remember,

    “YOU’RE going to wish my fist didn’t represent proper grammar.”

  364. Guy that took picture of phelps smoking

  365. on 03/27/2009 at 4:02 PM | Reply crazypants

    Office Bathroom Lingerers – you know the guy who takes 15 minutes to wash his hands, or has the shy bladder and is at the urinal for an hour, or how about combing his hair for 45 minutes guy – GET THE F*CK OUT.

    You’re either waiting for this imbecile to finish so that you can get to the urinal or wash your hands or the worst is when you’re in a stall about to drop a deuce and that guy won’t leave. You’re trying to be a gentlemen and save the guy the worst of your bowels but he just won’t leave. Infuriating.

  366. Sour grapes

    Fuckwad, piece of shit, asshole, cumbubble companies that lay you off even though you’re the ONLY dumbass in the lab who really gives a fuck about the company, the company’s product, and had never said anything negative about the company or it’s product while whitnessing ALL your co-workers putting down said company! Fucking assholes. I hope they fail and I wish I could help them fail!

  367. Referring to #19…how about parents who refuse to discipline their little asshole kids! They deserve a beat-down, not merely a punch.

    Oh and me for NOT reading through all these suggestions to see if my suggestion was already submitted.

  368. Grocery cart aisle blockers

  369. People who tell me to have a “blessed” day deserve a fist to the f*cking mug! Were you personally sanctioned by the pope to spread your gods blessings? Are you really holy enough that you feel compelled to pass on your blessedness to everyone you greet? Not all of us need a blessed day! Have a nice day says it all. Take your halo and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine you day blessing annoyance!

  370. the dumb schmuks that will tailgate you for about 5 miles never leaing the backside of the bumper only to find a space to pass you then turn right 50 fucking ft away!!!

  371. Dear Overzealous Barack Obama Supporter

    You suck. Please stop making him your facebook picture. He won, now it is time to take of the lame campaign button. Your BO t-shirts, stickers, toothpaste, tampons and cereal is just too much. You like him, we get it.`If he is the only thing going on in your life….please re-evaluate your presence on this earth.

  372. another vote for the smokers tossing their butts out their cars or wherever they please. most of them wouldn’t just drop some other random litter, so wtf?

  373. Those residents of Oakland, California who chose to taunt the police at the scene where 4 Oakland police officers had just been murdered.

  374. on 03/25/2009 at 3:34 PM | Reply rayfordroy

    People who start sentences with “I’m not racist but . . . .”

  375. Guy who answers his phone in the middle of a meeting and then gets pissy with you for phoning him at an inappropriate time!

  376. People who ride unicycles to and from work/school

  377. How about dickhead telemarketers. These fall in to all sorts of categories. The ones that call at asinine times of the day, during meals, or late at night, or the ones that are complete tools, extra chipper and incredibly happy, or the angry ones. I had one call me at my office recently trying to sell my company ink for our printer, I told him no, and then he called me “fucking prick” and then hung up. You called me douchebag! Just a thought.

  378. people who take home and eat deer after they were hit by cars.

  379. people with afro’s that sit in front of you in the movie theatre.

  380. I hate people when they keep talking and they know you need to leave and it is’nt even important what they are talking about, you know what else grinds my gears when people swear to god myspace is a fashion contests. NOT EVERYONE IS A MODEL!! duh You know what else grinds my gears when people fart and they stay quiet and think its funny and cute. I just feel like knocking some sense in their brains!!!



  381. People who can dish it out but can’t take it! Case in point – arguing with a friend who tells you all the negative things about you, but the moment you retaliate in kind, you’re told to “shut the f*&# up” and they stomp off in high dudgeon.

  382. Women in the washroom at work who think its a convenient time to start up a meeting while hovering around the sinks. This is a problem for so many reasons:

    1) Your holding an open cup, filled with coffee/water in the washroom for 20 mins…..with all the germs that just contaminated your drink, you might as well drink toliet water
    2) Your blocking the sinks, which is vital for the rest of us who want to get the hell out of the washroom
    3) Your loud and annoying complaining is getting on everyones nerves

    Take your head out of each others butt, and go find a meeting room to complain about how that skank in accounting messed up your payment.

  383. on 03/23/2009 at 9:07 PM | Reply The LumberJackson 5

    People who go to the salsa bar at a mexican restaurant, fill up a little cup of salsa.. and then chug it to try it out. disgusting. seriously. I see these freaks all the time..
    news flash! It’s salsa! not a fucking lemon drop!
    why not drink some ketchup or mayo too??

    I want to pour salsa all over my fists and give em’ a left right combo to the eyes.

  384. Exact Change Lady. You’re standing on a line that’s about 9 people deep at your local convenience store. All you’re getting is a pack of gum and a bottle of water. (As if that isn’t aggravating enough) the line finally moves up and you’re next in line, until Exact Change Lady strikes, right in front of you. Then you have to spend another 20 minutes till she digs out her change purse from her body bag of a purse…and then continues to count out EVERY LAST penny so she can pay with exact change. They can’t just hand someone $5 on a $4.50 bill. They have to count every dime, nickel and penny out because they can’t find any quarters to make up the 50 cents.

  385. The person who cuts their finger nails in the bathroom stall while at work. Leaving their gross nail clippings all over the floor.

  386. Ticket brokers who saturate ticket presale websites!! They really deserve a punch on the face. So many kids get heartbroken when they can’t find tickets for their fav. artist concert at the regular price. Then you have to wait for the freaking brokers to sell them at 10 times the original price. And risk that they will be fake! GREEDY GREEDY Why is this allowed? Punch, punch, punch right on the nose!

  387. “Mean plastic middle school girls” who cut in front of people who have been making line for 4 hours (to pick up the Twilkight DVD). They think they are the center of the universe. Can’t wait for life to hit them on the face!


  389. 1. Those old people on planes who wait until the line starts moving until they finally get out of their seats, have a stretch, and begin taking down their heavy wheeler bags. The icing on the fucking cake is when they ask you to help them take it down. I mean, we’ve been standing in line for the past 10 minutes all hot and bothered from a 15hour flight, and then they finally decide to get off their lazy arses and have the cheek to both hold everyone up and to ask for my help.
    And then they get angry when I land one square in their jaw. Honestly.

    2. Those people who actually go and punch people, and then show this website as evidence. Seriously, I don’t care if Mr. Administrator wrote it, it fucking hurt

  390. New parents who send hundreds of photos of their newborn to everyone, everyday.

    Seriously, no-one else thinks they are that cute. And how many photos of a baby yawning do you need to see? One is more than enough thankyou very much!

  391. I hate when there is a group of kids just “chillin” in the middle of the road on my street..seriously do you have a house or a yard or there is a side walk to use..serisoulsy I want to hit you guys with my car so bad but I don’t want to ruin my car 😛

    People who lie about everything even lie to themselves just to make themselves feel and look better. Like women who make excuses for their douche bag of a boyfriend…who is clearly cheating on you. Even people who lie about such stupid shit as what they had for breakfast. Their whole life is a fucking lie!! Psychotic Twat!

    People who constantly talk about the same thing over and over..or obsess over the same thing and talk about nothing else..Shut the fuck up get a damn life..no one cares anymore! Just die already!

  392. Nextel Push-to-Talk users!

  393. People who stick their chewed gum under tables and chairs.

  394. Won’t hold on the Handle Bars on public transit guy.

    I know the subway is a dirty place. A gathering or young snotty children, old derelicts and drunks, it’s a cesspool for germs and disease. Still though, butch up. It doesn’t matter how many times you took yoga classes or how your balance was improved through your Karate training…Sometimes the train/bus/streetcar driver brakes hard, and the rest of us have to catch you. It’s not a HUGE deal but getting stepped on or getting a head-butt, sucks.

    effin’ A,


  395. – Overly flirtatious married male coworker who wants to prove he’s “still got it”

    – Snobby high end retail salesperson who looks down on you

    – Guy who blatently overexaggerates a story, even if you were present for the actual event and know the details are exaggerated

    – People who send Christmas cards with pictures of their pets as if they are children

    – People who make peace signs and kiss faces in every picture

  396. people who say ‘like’ in every sentence, like, even if it doesn’t, like, make any, like, sense.

    and people who make their voice go up at the end of a sentence, as if they are asking a question when they aren’t!

    people who are always texting or speaking to someone else on the phone when you are with them. it is so so rude.

    people who take up half your seat on public transport.

    people who walk slowly down the middle of a street or corridor and you’re in a rush but you can’t get past them.

  397. How about the asshat who decides to make a left turn in busy downtown traffic?? You get stuck right behind him waiting for the busy traffic going the other way. It’s the fastlane for a reason jackass. It’s faster to make 3 right turns instead of 1 self important, interesection blocking left turn. Downtown areas will have a plethora of one way streets to encourage this.

    Also, when you’re playing a co-op video game with your buddy, (think old school 16 bit console gaming) and the son of a bitch keeps hogging the powerups. Leaving you to die with limited lives or shitty power ups because of his suckery. That’s worthy of a fist to cranium.

  398. “person who peddles daily newspapers on the street” seriously could use a good punch in the face.

    You know the ones, the stand 3 feet from the newspaper box containing the exact same paper and shove it in your face saying “hey, you need a paper? you want a paper? take a paper!”.

    If I want a damn paper I will sidestep you, make use of my opposable thumbs, and open the convenient storage device housing numerous unfolded and un-hobofied copies.

  399. AIG executives that keep their bonuses. Lets face it, they don’t even deserve the jobs they have and contributed to the huge economic mess that we are in today. I can’t think of anyone who deserves a punch more than those greedy bastards.

  400. I hate it when people lick their finger before turning pages, opening bags or even worse handing me money. It’s disgusting, why not just spit directly on it. You can’t be telling me that the only way you can seperate paper or plastic is with the use of your nasty disease ridden saliva.
    But these people are the first to freak out if you sneeze of cough.

  401. 1) People who are Fake: “HEY!!! its so great to see you!” “I’ve been meaning to call you! We should totally get together.”
    a) No its not great to see you, we never were friends before.
    b) yea right you were gonna call
    c) no lets not get together.

    2) Chick who sits a restaurant and says “oh i’m really not that hungry” and then proceeds to eat everyone else’s food. Order your own food damn it!

  402. Guy who wears wigs on weekends for no apparent reason.

    My friend always wears this wig out on weekend to grab the attention of girls and act stupid.

    This is him last Saturday

  403. How about the ever classic office spy? You know, the holier-than-thou moron that has got mimicking Randall from everyone’s favorite cartoon, Recess, down to a tee.
    This is the guy who fit in in elementry, but failed to meet the ‘cool’ standards come Middle/High School and now tries to fit in by schmoozing and discussing what everyone did last night. However, you know that in the next second, he’s off to a supervisor/manager/director, whom he also schmoozes, to talk about getting your a** fired.
    Not cool office spy, not cool.

  404. Another one:

    “Gay friend who posts VERY VERY GAY updates to my Facebook page.” Go ahead and be yourself dude, just please don’t obsessively update your status every 5 minutes with things like “…is now a fan of HAIRY BEAR Monthly Magazine.”

  405. Nerds. Can we, as a society, be done with these social rejects once and for all?

  406. on 03/18/2009 at 3:28 PM | Reply Nazi Shopper

    Wrapped up in their “own little world” and taking up the whole aisle grocery shopper!!!

    Grocery shopping is a chore at best, but has become a task that I would rather rip out my own nails than do as of late. The cause for this; the other inconsiderate shoppers who want to leave their cart right in the middle of the aisle while they stand half-bent over with their fat asses taking up the other half of the aisle as they inspect the products on the shelf with a magnifying glass trying to weed out that one ingredient that has caused their ass to balloon the size of a Rhino! We can’t exclude the cell phone shopper who randomly stops right in front of you as you are speed walking to hurry and finish this dreadful task because they are too feeble minded to walk and talk at the same time! You all know who you are. So if a shopping cart suddenly comes plowing into you, yes you are that asshole. Pull your head out of your ass, other people have better things to do than go grocery shopping and have half their day wasted on waiting on you!

  407. modified to remove swearing!
    Right now, right here, I punch:
    lying co-workers who won’t give you straight answers and think you can’t tell when they are lying
    lazy co-workers who won’t answer a simple question but make you cross examine them over an extended period to get an answer
    their stupid managers who won’t take action against them
    stupid &^*#er co-workers who should be sacked for incompetence but who waste WEEKS of your time
    stupid ^%#@er organisation that employs these incompetents
    stupid *&^%er marginal politicians who wield inordinate power and totally ^%$k up government policies (I mean YOU XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!)

    I am rather angry. can you tell?


  408. People who spill their tea and coffee at their desk and dont clean it up!! they continue their phonecall / type away at the keyboard !

  409. (let me save you all the trouble… I’ll write it myself. WHERE ARE YOU FROM?) 🙂

  410. Lily on March 17, 2009 at 8:20 pm
    People that ask women if they’re pregnant. What’s the benefit from that? At best they’ll get the yes answer and never see the woman again. But they just can’t resist the urge to ask…

    That’s exactly the same with “Where are you from?” ARGHH… People hear my foreign accent and just cannot keep their nose out — people with whom I am not even talking nor have any doings with at the time of the incident. Now, before any of you kind folk label me as being antisocial or unfriendly (“Lighten up, Kit, they are just making conversation..”) let me assure you that after the Nth time of being asked this question, which invariably elicits a response of “Oh” and nothing more, it grates on the nerves and raises blood pressure to dangerous levels… and it’s nobody’s business ‘cept mine and Immigration’s.

  411. The nosey neighbour who looks over the fence and spies on everything you do and have to make suggestions on everything from the way you park your car to the way you take out the bin every week… mutha*uckers!

  412. People at AIG who accepted bonuses for fucking up everyone elses shit.

  413. People that ask women if they’re pregnant. What’s the benefit from that? At best they’ll get the yes answer and never see the woman again. But they just can’t resist the urge to ask. They get the “No” answer and now the woman feels like a fatass and the person asking ends up feeling like an ass.

  414. The guy who hits on one girl, gets rejected, then in one motion hits on her friend right next to her.

    I’ve been the second girl many times. Thanks. I feel wonderful being your second choice.

  415. People who treat the public library as their own private office.

    Get off your phone. It’s a cliche for a reason – SHUT THE FUCK UP IN THE LIBRARY. We don’t want to hear you talk to your daughter about her trip to Maine for two hours. We don’t want to hear you complain to customer service about how your credit card number was stolen. You know what’s insult to injury? You leave the library as soon as you’re done on the phone – like you just came into to the library to bug the shit out of everyone.

    And quit taking up the whole desk with your laptop endless laptop accessories. If you can afford to buy all of that, maybe you should budge and finally buy some sort of internet access at your own house.

  416. What about the guy who sit behind you and sneezes in your hair?

  417. Guy who has an opinion on everythin and must state sed opinion although no one gives a crap about it.

    Guy who won’t admit that he is wrong even when he is and it is plainly obvious. This guy will also have arguments with people and will try and justify what he thinks. A slogan for this guy would be “MOVE ON UR WRONG!”

    Guy/girl that keeps reminding you of your past failures and how it gives them much glee and inner happiness when they think about it.

    People who throw in a randomn comment in a conversation (usually they think that their comment is funny) that has no relevance to the topic and so creates a dead conversation because evry1 stops tlkin and stands there in an awkward silence.

    People who will do something to u and u won’t like it and so u do it back them. Suddenley they will have a go at you and complain that they don’t like it. Well then don’t do it 2 me!!!

  418. Fanta pants, yep, that’s right, red heads, ginge minge. Those who snort back snot up their nose are worse. I know one.

  419. What about annoying air guitar guy? Y’know, those guys who constantly play pretend instruments, they really want to play their own instrument!

  420. People who cling to dysfunctional relationships because they’re afraid of being alone. Hey, it’s your choice, but then don’t go around telling people you’re taking antidepressants and want to kill yourself because of your non-commital, bitch/jerk of a partner who cannot say “I love you” (probably because s/he doesn’t).

  421. People who think having 256 friends on facebook makes them popular. It doesn’t. If you were so popular, you wouldn’t be sitting around at home collecting virtual friends like a loser. Go out and get some real ones!

  422. people who text instead of calling you. even though they know it cots you 20c to text back.

  423. That asshole who lets their kid have a tantrem in the mall.
    The kid too, “you dont get candy, fuck off!”

  424. on 03/16/2009 at 6:19 PM | Reply Someone Who Flushes

    People who leave their turds in a public bathroom without flushing. Also people who hover over the seat and don’t wipe their spray afterwards.

    I call them bathroom terrorists.

  425. Submitted for examination by knuckles;
    The worthless douche bag employee who sits within five feet of you but insists on emailing any questions solely directed to you, or anything needing a direct response from you.

  426. who needs a good punch in the face?
    online sidebar ads.
    as if that wasnt enough said,
    they’ve added sound and videos to them, so they can speak to you now!

    enough said. ._.

  427. Some Suggestions from Someone Who Works in Retail…

    1. Irresponsible Mothers need a good hard whack in the nugget.
    I work in a store with a lot of breakable merchandise.
    And, even if you are courteous enough to tell them to not touch stuff, you have to enforce it. Don’t just sit there and go, “No, Timmy, don’t touch.” half-heartedly. Go make your kid stop!

    Better yet, don’t bring them in my store.

    2. Entitlement People.
    I understand that you are the customer and I am supposed to help you the best I can, but that does not mean that you have the right be rude to me and order me around like some indentured servent. Say please once in a while. I guarantee you’ll get better service. Also, you do not get a discount just because you think you should.

    3. Stupid Question Lady.
    (As I am standing at the engraver, engraving something) “Excuse me, miss, do you do engraving here?”

    Kill yourself.

    5. “Why Is That So Expensive?” Guy
    I do not make the prices. Take it up with corporate. Don’t get pissed at me because some twat-waffle at head office thinks you should pay $35 bucks for a paper weight.

    Some that have nothing to do with retail….

    Loud-Breather Guy
    Back the fuck up off me and quit breathing right in my goddamn ear!

    Incessent Sniffer
    Nobody wants to hear you snort back a noseful of snot every four seconds.

    Thank you.

  428. How about people who refuse to use actual words when they instant message or text?

    Actual text message: “wut ru doin 2nite?”

    What in the name of holy hell is that supposed to be? I should not need the Rosetta Stone to decifer texts! And please….every text does not need an “lol” in response. I seriously doubt that you “lol” when I say something as innane as “I think I’m going to go cook dinner now.”

    This is why America is stupid. We don’t use grammer at all anymore in our electronic communications.


  429. on 03/13/2009 at 6:31 AM | Reply hadituptohere

    Rosters for cleaning up the office kitchen, and those who enforce them. The work kitchen that is really fine as these cesspits of filth go, apart from the few unhousetrained who can’t read notices that say “wipe up after yourself” and “don’t leave your dirty crockery in the sink”. But what does my workplace do? Publish a roster, drawn up so that teams are responsible for keeping the kitchen clean.

    I don’t come to work to be a housekeeper. I wipe up after myself. I clean my own dishes. I don’t expect others to do it for me.

    Am I allowed to swear here?

    I’d like to punch ’em. Please will you do it for me?

  430. on 03/12/2009 at 11:04 PM | Reply Get outta MY space

    F-ing anxious line crowders! Get out of my space. You aren’t going anywhere unless I do! They are like 2 inches from your back so close they are literally breathing down your neck. SO what do you do…move a few inches up, and sure enough they creep up those few inches too! So you do it again and here they come like they are f-ing attached to your back side! Finally i just resolve to never move up even when the ppl in front of me do, just cuz i know it is slowly killing them! “why aren’t they moving there is like 3 ft of space up there? the line is moving why aren’t I ?! what the f is going on? I need to move , gotta MOVE, MUST MOVE” this is my tiny victory over you

  431. on 03/12/2009 at 8:20 PM | Reply TotalBlammBlamm

    CEOs who call big hairy cross country ‘town hall’ meetings just to tell you that there’s no new news about the company, they don’t know about layoffs, they don’t know about the status of anything at all…

    Then they (senior management) end the meeting advising everyone to ‘control what they can control’, meaning, ‘work hard, take care of your families, and get lots of rest and exercise’. YES. They did ACTUALLY tell us all that.


  432. I really want to punch the people who walk in front of me on the streets and decide to light the grossest fragrant f’n cigarette. I hate bein downwind of something that smells like ASSAIR. You gotta put the knuckles to’em, Balboa style.

  433. People who take photos of themselves in the mirror, especially those with the camera and flash covering most of the picture!!

  434. Mr. “I lost 40 lbs over the last year and let me tell you EXACTLY how I did it-down to what I’ve eaten in the last year-and take up all of your work-out time talking about ME.”
    Christ! All I said to you was “Good to see you again. You look great”.
    Learn to take a compliment. Just say “Thanks”.

  435. The Detroit City Counsel. Each and every one of them. Dear God, it’s one of the reasons the city will never go anywhere.

  436. The Progressive Insurance lady. Enough Said.

  437. My roommate who asks me to mute the television in our living room so she can carry on a ten minute conversation with her friend. Go to your fucking room!

  438. I’ve worn glasses since I was 6, and I hate it when people 25 &up who start wearing glasses and complain to me (while I’m wearing my glasses no less) about how much it sucks (that they sometimes have to wear glasses), that the sky is falling and the whole world is comming to and end. It’s very douchie!

  439. Over-Revealing Health Talker:

    Dear Over-Revealing Health Talker,
    I know you are not feeling well, and I am truly concerned for your comfort. However, a simple, I am not feeling well will suffice in place of a 10 minute long speech about the color of your stool and the fact that you luckily brought an extra pair of underwear to work. I truly want you to feel better but cornering me and talking about you bowel movements is not going to solve your problems. Also ORHT, please don’t tell me about your experience at the doctor’s office. It is uncomfortable enough when I go myself and I don’t need to know what they poked a prodded to discover why your latest bout of diarrhea might be correlated with the mushrooms that you ate on Sunday.
    If you can’t conceal your personal health issues, you might be having another one soon that involves my fist hitting you exactly where it hurts (which I know all about, because you haven’t spared me any details.)

  440. on 03/11/2009 at 9:44 AM | Reply Mittknight

    What about people with obnoxiously loud MP3 music in buses. I mean, its public transport, man! You’re allowed to listen to your own music, but to put it on so loud that everyone in a 5 m radius can hear you is just ridiculous! We want to listen to our own music without having to hear the beat of your stupid song that kills our song in the process!

  441. That friend who relentlessly bothers you to hang out, then when you finally agree they spend the entire time on the phone with other people and gets all pissy when you call them on it. Seriously put the phone down or don’t ask me to cart my ass over to whatever mall to hang out. I know I can not be the only one who knows/hates this person.

  442. Idiot facebook commenter

    Posts retarded shit on your facebook wall, comments on your status etc… making you look retarded by association.

  443. Excessive punctuation users in an email

    Example: Did you get the memo I sent you????????????????????????????????????


  444. People who are surprised I can use chopsticks and feel the need to comment.

    Yeah, I can use chopsticks, big deal. Why do you all feel the need to comment? I don’t see you having any problem with using a knife and fork, but I’m not going to tell you how great you are at it. You use a knife and fork to eat steak. I use chopsticks to eat sushi. Do not marvel at this.

    People who touch my hair without warning.

    I realize that you are fascinated with things that are different, but at least talk to me for a few seconds before you grope my locks. And when you do start talking to me, don’t let the first question out of your mouth be: Do you dye it? No, I don’t. My hair is naturally like this. And yes, I know my eyes are blue, you don’t have to tell me.

    (I’ve been living in Japan for the past 6 months, I’m American, I’m blonde.)

  445. Comment spammers.

  446. Too Personal Pharmacy Clerk.

    Nail polish remover. Tampons. Tylenol. Conditioner. People Magazine. 2 Cadbury Creme Eggs.

    These are my items. My business. So what gives Too Personal Pharmacy Clerk the right to silently link together, judge, then comment on my basket of goods?
    “Stayin’ in tonight, huh?” he says with a friendly smile, swiping each product and stuffing into a bag. Really. The only thing that needs a swipe is his face.

  447. My husbands gold digging ex wife. ‘Nuff said.

  448. The directionless people below need a punch in the face as I have somewhere to go in my 15-minute lunch break!!!
    1. People who suddenly stop in the middle of the footpath for no apparent reason
    2. People who randomly drift from side to side whilst you are trying to get by
    3. People who step into the footpath from shops without looking
    4. Groups of people who do the above in unison

  449. Slow walkers! Nothing worse than walking behind a snail when you have a train to catch and they don’t even let you pass. If you are one of them, just let fast walkers ahead PLEASE!!!

  450. People who insist on carrying their backpacks on their backs in public transport deserve a punch. (particularly in Melbourne trams in Australia) For one thing, they take up double the room in an already crowded situation – and the number of times I’ve been whacked hard in the side of the head from one of these idiots turning around! …and of course they’re oblivious to the havoc they’re wreaking. You’re not a friggin’ tortoise, a predator will not swoop down and feast on your juicy back flesh! Take it off!

  451. People who say internet abreveration instead of just laughing
    no one thinks your cool. just laugh its not that hard. you just look stupid. you just look like you get home from school/work and go straight to world of warcraft or runescape, and insult the 12 year old kids online and then go and brag to your friends. i swear if i ever hear you say PWN or N00b i will punch you straight in the face

  452. Stupid idiots who come through the drive through cos it’s so much faster than getting off their lazy arses to walk in, only to proceed to tell me they’re not really sure what they want and make me read everything off the menu to them like some sort of slave! Here’s a hint: if you don’t know what you want, get off your arse, open your car door, no it’s not that hard, and walk inside and read the board yourself! and don’t even think about complaining about the prices to me when i don’t earn enough to cover half the things on the menu and have nothing to do with the prices! Does it make you feel good yelling at teenage girls? Note: the correct answer to this is no, if you answered yes then you need serious help, but if you’re one of the people I’m talking about you probably do anyway. The least you could do is learn some manners and stop telling evryone that teenagers today are so rude when these are the sort of people we have to follow!

  453. on 03/08/2009 at 5:33 AM | Reply Michelle85

    1. People whose only knowledge of politics, the way the economy works and current affairs is gleaned from dubious sensationalised news shows such as “”Today tonight” or “60 minutes” (what is the US equivalent?) and are way too eager to pontificate based on this viewing. Probably the only group of people who shouldn’t get the vote.

    2. Princess delusion girls. You know the ones- in their 20s or older, they’re precious and their life mantra is “I’m a princess” and they fanny about accordingly. Will often actually own several items (pens, keychains, stationary number plate, t-shirts) declaring their assumed title. Most often her favourite colour is pink, with a penchant for sparkles and fluffy things. Such pretension is often a vividly sad contrast with reality, as princess’ day job is usually folding t-shirts in the mall. Of course she’s only doing that until such time as her prince comes along and rescues her, sweeping her off to a grand palace and life of glorious idleness as befits her royal highness.

    3. Wannabe married girls. They’ve been planning their wedding, down to the table arrangements, since day dot. Marriage to them is the ultimate goal, which they will attain by any means, often marrying the first poor guy who gives in to their pressure, regardless of their compatibility. Being able to say “I’m engaged”/”My name is Mrs…”/”Hubby told me…” is the ultimate badge of honour for this character, who will repeat any phrase which references her relationship status at any opportune juncture in the conversation, just for the ring of it.

    4. The facebook crusader. They haven’t given a dime of their own money to charity in their own lives, but will join a million groups or add several applications for a panoply of good causes (and invite you to do so too) just to show how socially aware they are and feed their own (entirely unjustified) inflated sense of self-righteousness.

    5. Robert Mugabe.

  454. on 03/08/2009 at 3:41 AM | Reply Cherry PIE

    Fucking Bitches
    Lesbians who hit on straight girls
    and People who text you and go to fucking walgreens when your texting them and then they dont text back. damn mother fuckers!1

  455. smart ass question answerer.
    “can i please go to the bathroom?” i don’t know, can you?”
    “can i please speak to emily? “i don’t know, can you?”
    I am asking nicely. sorry i didn’t say “may i”. You know what i mean, now please give me permission to youse your bathroom really quick so i don’t shit on your carpet.

  456. on 03/07/2009 at 1:47 PM | Reply Kellie McDonald

    LIARS. Have you ever needed something done and was promised by someone that they would help you but then they lie and tell you they’ll give it to you and they never do. I have this one friend who really deserves to be punched smack dab in the middle of his face so hard, that his brain comes out the back of his head.

    For the longest time I’ve hated liars. Tell me your gonna buy me a pony, then you better buy me a pony. If people would just be honest and say things like i don’t have time to help with your project, or no honey I’m not gonna get you a pony, or sorry sweetheart princesses aren’t real but if they were you would be the closest thing to it. ok so i don’t want to be a princess and i don’t really want a pony but this project was so important. it was for school and now my project looks horrible and its all my friends fault and if i had a good arm, I’d certainly hit him in the face more than once… 🙂

    WOW that really felt good!!

  457. people who use “LOL” WAYYY TOO MUCH!!
    “ur mom just died. LOL!
    “i hate u! LOL!”
    ok, not everything is that funny. just because you sit there at your computer all day long waiting for somethin even remotely funny to happen to fill the void in your life that your dead cat just left does not mean that you have to clog up my email, cell phone, and messenger with your meaninglessness.

  458. Stupid people who memorize the text of some stupid book then starts reciting it just to make themselves sound smart

    and then Stupid people who fall for their so called “intelligence” and then ask them for help and end up failing on the test

  459. Parents who always think their kids are the victims… when they are clearly the bad kids.

  460. Text walkers. Seriously, it’s like they have to remind themselves to take a step in between sentences. it’s so annoying.
    Fred Phelps, the leader of the Westborough Baptist Church.

  461. People who decorate their vehicles with Truck Nuts. Frankly I think anyone who decorates with something that tacky should be taken out back and shot, but since this is a site for punching people, I suggest you punch them in their truck nuts.

  462. People who ride their bicycles on the street (that are over the age of 10). The sidewalks are for walking, not running me over and taking up all the room.

  463. on 03/06/2009 at 11:34 PM | Reply Paul Heisig

    people who list every fucking ‘face punch’ deserving person then think after doing so that they won’t be on the list. see ‘Bre’ above

  464. on 03/06/2009 at 11:23 PM | Reply Paul Heisig

    people that hang out in the left lane on the highway. You have to realize there are other people on the highway. We want to pass. Or when your going the same speed as the person in the right lane. If I was a cop I’d pull your ass over. Pay attention asshole.

  465. on 03/06/2009 at 11:16 PM | Reply Nicole Lucas

    The ‘No Turn Signal Guy/Gal” god I hate those fuckers!

  466. People who waste heel bread. They completely skip the piece, grab the regular pieces, and proceed to do so until only the two heels remain and then the throw them both away.

    I love heel bread. Why does this happen so much?

  467. Bent-Out-Of-Shape Bracket Guy

    You know, the one at the bar at the start of the NCAA tourney, sheet in hand, crying about the 8 seed going down, as if its going to ruin his bracket? You know this guy went straight chalk, took all #1s, and is rooting against the 13 seed because he took the #4. He is so dense that he doesnt realize the 13 seed winning will not affect his bracket.

    That guy deserves it, especially with March Madness around the corner!

  468. New iPhone app shower offer.
    No, I don’t have an iPhone.
    Yes, I know there are all kinds of apps for it.
    No, I don’t want to see you drink a beer, play the flute, hear light saber effects, whatever the hell else you want to show me.
    You want to see me complete a call without being dropped?

  469. DETROIT CITY COUNSEL. The idiocy is too vast and unbelievable to document here. Check out http://www.freep.com which is one of the web site for The Detroit Free Press. Detroit City Counsel is the gift that keeps on giving. Two examples:
    One of the counsel women wore a pagent tiara to a meeting one (maybe it was her birthday). Last night they sang Onware Christian Soldiers because they were not getting what they want. The list is never ending.

  470. on 03/05/2009 at 7:05 PM | Reply Ross Sushi

    One more, guy at work who never really does any work , finally has one thing to do and acts like he is fucking SWAMPED….

    you deserve a nice swift chin check

  471. on 03/05/2009 at 6:57 PM | Reply Ross Sushi

    Guy who makes lunch at work and then wants to tell you what it is EVERY FUCKING DAY, whether you ask or not

  472. Print-Giant-Complex-Document-on-Shared-Printer Guy:


  473. on 03/05/2009 at 3:22 PM | Reply Cherlindrea

    How about the Inappropriate Shirtless Guy? You know, the one that’s morbidly obese and covered in man-fur but thinks he should be gracing the whole neighborhood every day with his physique when he decides to constantly work in the yard?

  474. This really p’s me off. I’m a veterinarian, and when I get a call at 10 pm, or worse, 3 am, that Fluffy has been vomiting for 3 weeks and it is an emergency NOW, I want to f-ing punch this person for even having a pet. Or when someone calls me at the 3 am hour, or on Christmas morning, because their dog is sick and they don’t want to bother their regular vet. Bust their chops.

  475. Able-bodied people who use the elevator to go down one flight! The building I work in is archaic and so are the elevators. I hate these people who slow me down when I’m trying to get out of the office!

  476. The guy who answers “standby” when I ask a question and he needs to look up the answer. The motherfucker also calls me “chief”. I’m in IT, not the fucking Navy.

  477. The asshole who drives the big ass truck and gets on everyones asses even though they are already going 10 over. -_-

  478. How about the person who is always standing in their yard watching to see who drives down the street too fast. One mph over the suggested 20 and they are on you like white on rice; waving their hands, signaling you to slow down, threatening to call their son-in-law the mall cop, writing down your name and address, exclaiming that you were inches away from killling everyone on the street including themselves and their one-eyed, wishing it was dead, dyed pink poodle. PUNCH.

  479. The “Customizes his Systems Sounds” guy/girl in the office.

    We use a lot of instant messaging within our office for quick questions and problem resolutions, and obviously we rely as much as anybody these days on e-mail.

    I really don’t need to know every single damn time you get a friggin’ IM or e-mail, or your system says it can’t do something, or you open or close a program.

    And I ESPECIALLY don’t need to hear some stupid music/tv/movie clip that you personally find amusing/witty/appropriate each time it happens. Turn the goddamn sound down like everybody else and try working more and sending messages less.

    Posting to blogs is OK, though.

  480. The idiot in the dr.’s office who not only talks loudly on his cell phone in the waiting room, but gives play-by-play detail to his buddy as to how he got sick in the first place, as if it’s not completely disgusting for the rest of us to have to listen in. “Yeah, something got my allergies all jacked up, then it moved into my sinuses, I’ve got a lot of leakage, waiting now to be called in…” Are you f*cking serious, idiot in the dr.’s office? Are you f*cking kidding me?

  481. 1-people who think their jokes are funny
    2-people who go out of their way to make you look bad
    3-nail ladies who speak english, but purposefully speak chinese(or other language) while giggling at you
    4-buzzing blackberry overusers
    5-white people who pretend to be black

  482. Hummer owners.
    Need I say more?

  483. Those dumb ass’s who drive the speed limit in the left lane of the interstate and REFUSE to pull over when you are on their tail like white on rice. Who do they think they are? Oh, then they rationalize by saying that they are going the speed limit and that’s as fast as anyone should be going. Um, there’s a reason why those who enforce the law carry guns. It’s DANGEROUS! These people need to pull it on over to the right lane next time someone is riding their ass, or risk a big ol’ punch in the face at the next rest stop that they visit!!!

  484. Facebook Girl that wants you to know 25 Random THINGS ABOUT HER…

  485. There currently is an epidemic in Massachusetts. Women from ages 12 – 40 are wearing uggs with Northface Fleece Zip ups in masses.

    It is not cute and yes THEY LOOK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THE 501 BUS…or the entire transportation system in Boston!!! This is not a society of clones, its okay to wear non-ugg shoes!!!

    For all of you who feel there needs to be an end to this grotesque indolence for style and blatant attempts towards homogenization- please punch an ugg/northface fleece zip up wearer!

  486. The sportsfan who just stirs up debates. This is the one who claims to know about every sport, every position, every score in history-but is wrong on all counts. Try to correct this person with facts and your still wrong.

  487. on 03/01/2009 at 4:31 AM | Reply Drama Queen

    If you would like to encounter THE ULTIMATE DOUCHEBAG who is in dire need of a punch in the face,look up a guy who calls himself Lord Rick. Or AngelOfThyNight,same guy. I shit you not.

    He is a welfare scamming chronic stoner with a green mullet who thinks he’s a paranormal God. He is the biggest loser I’ve yet to come across on the internet,look him up on EncylcopediaDramatica under AngelOfThyNight for starters to give a general idea.


  488. Crosswalking Texter

    is walking with his head down in a paralyzed stare at his cellphone while he texts his girlfriend in a panic to tell her that he loves her because five minutes have gone by since he last did this. Since his head is down he can see the end of the sidewalk and the beginning of the crosswalk. Apparently he’s so distracted thinking about the best way to text “love” “luv” or godforbid “wuv” – the end of the sidewalk does not cue any survival instinct that is telling him “now would be a good time to look out for oncoming traffic” – – thank god for natural selection and cellphones cuz eventually this guys genes will not be left to fratrenize with my unborn daughter. So if you see Crosswalking Texter and do decide to swerve out of pity do him one more favor – – make sure your window is rolled down so you can slap him a closed five in the face on your way by.

  489. Person who reads with too much inflection in there voice.

    People who quote all of the inside jokes you seem to miss.

  490. on 02/28/2009 at 8:12 AM | Reply Mr Pickles

    A guy used to walk around my college wearing a bright pink fox tail. Every day.

  491. straight guys who love to talk about their girlfriend’s private parts but start screaming and acting immature when a gay guy says something simple like i don’t have a boyfriend or i think i’ll go to a gay club

    this gets annoying and they always must say why do u have to be gay around me

    they need a punch in the face

  492. People who park on the road at the grocery store by my house. If that was a parking spot, it would be for drivers with physical handicaps! So move your car and walk your fat ass into the store!

  493. Line Spooner. I know the line is long and your in a hurry, but it isn’t necessary that your junk be touching my ass in the line at the bank. That is just straight up inappropriate.

  494. People who walk so close behind me I am afraid they are going to walk over me. People…the world is a very big place and you need to stay the fuck away from me. I don’t like you being near me and when I stop and you run into me don’t act like something is wrong with me. You are following too close.

  495. Mr “I brought my girlfriend along”.

    Yes I know you are in love but seriously. When you make plans with your friends for a guys night (or inversely a girls night) and then they bring their significant other along with absolutely no warning. And you know that the rest of the evening they aren’t going to be themselves and will leave early cause he has to drive her an hour home ruins the evening.

  496. 1-Ply toilet paper buyer. Most commonly found in restaurants but it’s still, 1-ply sucks.

  497. Overly Religious Guy who won’t except that you don’t believe what he does so he makes you hate yourself and feel guilty for having a different opinion

  498. My boss tells us daily how our clients are always hitting on her. Who gives a shit. Punch her in the face.

  499. Parents who play favorites with their children should be punched in the face, if not worse.

  500. Parents who bring their little kids to 11 pm showings of R rated films. Not only does this suck when one hour into the film its already 3 after the kids bed time and he has lost his attention span and must ask “Wait, what just happened?” for the umptenth million time, but then when the boobs and gore start you suddenly get outraged and you must grab your kids and storm out of the theater ruining everyone else’s time.

    Art majors . . . I’m assuming that’s self explanatory

    Guy who keeps quoting a movie long after it’s gone out of style. Yes we know you do a great Anchorman impression but really? It’s been five years.

  501. Lunch meeting scheduler….

    Yes, I know that was the only time I was open, that’s because I WAS GOING TO EAT LUNCH.

    Die in a fire please

  502. People who have dedicated their non working hours to acquiring all 50 of the new quarters. Why?! They are the opposite of rare and will always be worth 25 cents.

    Dudes who get sports jerseys made with their last names on the back. You’re not on the team and have never been confused for an athlete since the day you tripped and fell out of your Mom’s cooch.

    Plugs. Unless you can prove your Incan ancestry, don’t fucking do it.

    Adults who use pimp, playa, porn star, etc. in sentences. Did you just get your first Too Short tape and wanna share your new lingo with the world? Unless you are permanently on a major regional player’s ball guest list, don’t ever utter these words.

  503. How about the horrible parking garage parkers. Every day when I go to class I am forced to park on the top level because of these stupid people. Just because the spaces are slightly angled they can’t seem to get their stupid cars inside them. Yay for taking up two spaces [sarcasm] . But their not even taking up a full two spaces. At least then I would know they were being an asshole on purpose. But nooo, they take up just enough space in the other spot so NO ONE else can park there. They’re either stupid, lazy, or oblivious. ARRGH! Maybe I should get a smart car just so I can squeeze in next to them. Then I will give them door dings. He he.

  504. Mouth-Breather

    The douchebags who think it’s alright to gasp like a dying pig and have the intelligence of a 3rd grader, they are unable to close their mouths and breath through their goddamn nose.
    Nobody wants to inhale your stank-breath so shut your mouth.

    Oh and Whistley-Nose Guy

    Blow your nose or dig for gold, whatever works, nobody wants to hear you blowing your whistle, it gets irritating fast.

  505. Mr. Kindness ignorer
    You know the guy who when you stop to let him by, he says no you go ahead. It’s even more annoying when you get 2 of these douches together so please write this

  506. Hannah Montana

  507. *FTW User

    *Unconventional Pet Owner (re: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,494067,00.html)

  508. People who loudly appreciate their food.
    People who smack their lips.
    People who complain about tipping their server.
    People who debate about how much they should tip while the server is there.

    People who sing in the office.

  509. I’d love to punch that Spencer guy from the Hills in his mangina!!!!

    He’s just so douche-baggy. He talks crap about Lauren Conrad , the Olsen twins… who is this guy??? What is his talent and purpose in the industry? I’m tired of seeing his stupid face on magazines when I’m in the check out lane at Meijer!!! Him and his fugly ass girlfriend (who looks like a blowup doll, just sayin’)!!

    In general, I’m not keen of “reality” stars to begin with because they do nothing, make millions, walk the red carpet to award shows they have no business attending. Spencer certainly takes the cake, and I would looooove to punch him square in that cocky face of his and watch him weep on the ground like a baby. /rant.

  510. on 02/25/2009 at 3:30 PM | Reply LargeMichael

    I have to agree with Nick E.P. I’m tired of non-smokers looking at me with the stink eye whenever I light up. I don’t stand right next to the entrance of the club/bar/restaurant/diner/mall/store and light up. I back away from the door by at least 30 feet. If you are so concerned about second hand smoke, don’t come near me! Also, please don’t come up and lecture me on the harm that I’m doing to my body by smoking. I’m well aware of the consequences of my actions (seeing how I haven’t been living in a cave), and frankly, I don’t give a crap. Maybe I want to kill myself, but I’m not brave enough to do it all at once, so I have to do it slowly over time.

  511. on 02/25/2009 at 3:19 PM | Reply Nick E. P.

    People who cough obnoxiously when I smoke cigarettes and look at me like I am giving them herpes. You’ve pushed me outside of restaurants (including bars for Christ’s sake) and public buildings. Now you’ve mandated that I smoke 40 feet away from buildings. Still, you complain about my 2nd (or 3rd)-hand smoke. Your claims that 2nd hand smoke cause cancer are unfounded – they’re not based on science, but rather, opinion. When will you be satisfied? Perhaps with a fist to your face, or a cigarette cherry in your eye?

  512. on 02/25/2009 at 9:42 AM | Reply Chinchillazilla

    To elaborate: “Oppressed” smokers are the ones who whine that they can’t smoke in a (privately-owned but government-regulated) restaurant. They laugh when you say smoke affects you negatively in any way and insist you’re lying to justify your hatred of smokers.

    You know. The ones who complain bitterly if you so much as wince when you walk past them. I’m sorry that smoke makes me sniffle when it gets in my eyes and nose. If you’re so upset about people coughing or whatever, stay away from them.

  513. on 02/25/2009 at 9:33 AM | Reply Chinchillazilla

    “Oppressed” smokers.

  514. Nancy Grace. Do I really have to give a reason?

  515. Prof who refuses to get with the times. He insists on scrawling in messy handwriting on an overhead projector while mumbling to himself with no mic. I paid to take this course, go to every class, attempt to follow the apparent incoherent nonsense which you are spewing, straining my eyes to read “Uabenatong sissionr bcSih” and yet am struggling to pass this course because your incompetance doesnt allow you to learn how to type. awesome


  517. on 02/25/2009 at 2:49 AM | Reply Willieshnitz

    One eyed trouser snakes in the office! All the young fellas in the office go around flinging thier trouser snakes at the girls and I’m sick of it! I’m just an old married christian woman and I don’t like all those long snakes around me. If I told my husband, he’d give them more than a punch in the chops!

  518. People who think they are superior by judging smokers, but then go sit their fat nasty self in a big old gas guzzling SUV and think nothing of their children breathing in the exhaust. F-ing losers!

  519. Overzealous weather reporter.


    Overzealous “good morning” greeter.

  520. People who drink (and gulp and swallow loudly) at the other end of the phone. Makes me want to kill someone.

  521. The middle aged woman at work who gets pissed at the other women at work that decorate someones desk for their birthdays. She’s always like “Ohh no one decorated my desk for my birthday”…Well, If you weren’t such a whore, maybe someone might like you and take the time to do that… Bitching about someone not decorating your desk/not liking you=punch in the face.
    Don’t you have ANYTHING else in your life to worry about? Seriously??

  522. on 02/24/2009 at 5:16 PM | Reply EvilCornbread

    “Right lane non-turners”.

    When you’re on a mostly-empty street with multiple lanes, and there’s only one car stopped at the light. And it’s in the right lane. And it’s not turning. And you want to turn right on red.

    Those people should be punched.

  523. When a person will sit next to you and start incessantly shaking their leg, like its a nervous tick or something, they inevitably shake the whole god damn table your sitting at. I had a guy do this to me at a final exam and he shook the whole table for 3 hours!!….I dont know how i didnt KILL him!!

  524. people who think everybody likes them, when nobody dos

  525. -Religious people who are hypocrites!! “I go to chuch, praise god” but is a total bitch to everyone and is a racist bitch..just like my co-worker!!!

    -people that have no lives so they have to pick apart other peoples and stick there nose where it doesn’t belong.

    – people who don’t like being sterotyped but act exactly just as the sterotype describes…seriously?

    – co-workers that start drama..by talking about everyone behind their back. Rotten cows need to be stabbed..oops i mean punched…

    – Jobs who yell at you for going 10 minnutes over a 40hr week..cause they don’t want to pay you the time and a half..hahaha its an extra 3 bucks you cheap pieces of shit!!’

  526. Oh ya and not mention his horrible sense of “trendy” fashion when he really look’s like nothing more than a gay cowboy stripper.With his over inflated ego and overwhelming sense of entitlement….WHACK right cross to the nose!

  527. The fuckin douchebag boss/owner of the company you work that denies you a raise after not getting one for FOUR fucking year’s. Because he say’s the company don’t have the money right now as he’s making reservation’s for a costa rican fishing trip AS HE’S TURNING YOU DOWN!!!!

  528. Annoying over emotional guy you try to break up with even though your not technically an item because you’ve only known each other a few weeks. Also known as the “smother-er” a “cling-on” and seen as having “breasticles instead of testicles.

  529. Rachel fuckin Guiney.
    hate the bitch! 🙂

  530. -girl who incessently fishes for compliments by putting herself down

  531. -The girls who wear skirts in the winter and complain about the coldness.

    -The people who, on purpose, squeal their tires as they drive off.

  532. how about the motorcycle rider who takes up an entire parking spot in a parking lot where they actually have designated smaller parking spots that fit motorcycles?

  533. People who wears an Atlanta Falcons jersey to a Detroit Pistons game (or any combination), I’m glad that you own a jersey I know that they are expensive, but really – wrong sport, wrong city, wrong time of the year.

    Along the same lines – dudes, that wear basketball jerseys with out a t-shirt. I really don’t want to see your hairy armpits, and fat rolls.

  534. The crazy Art Teacher, who thinks she cool!
    She can connect with us because she’s “hip” when she is actually my mothers age.

  535. What do you have against beautiful young girl such as Elisabeth Hasselback!!! she is daymn hot…

  536. Pregnant women who smoke.

  537. the freaks who come into the restaurant and proceed to take endless pictures of each other with their cell phone. you get to enjoy all the flashes blinding you and their insane cackling.

  538. on 02/22/2009 at 4:09 AM | Reply Tenderlionin'

    Guy standing on the corner imitating a police siren.
    Bwooop! Bweeeeeooooooooooooooooooooowwwp.

  539. Announcers that say: “Put your hands together for…”

  540. – People who drive for two hours straight in the passing lane without pulling to the right.

    -People who insistently shove pictures of their ugly kids in your face and expect you to “oooh” and “awww” over them.

    -Stores filled with cheap, gawdy, merchandise that only last about 3 months before going under.

    -People who purchase $30 pairs of underwear and brag about it.

    -Hypochondiracs. Period.

    -Old people who hate society, won’t purchase anything because “It used to only be quarter!” and wear a disgusted look on their face like someone wiped a turd under their nose.

    – Fat men who wear clothing that are 3 sizes too small so their guts hang out and middle- aged women with sagging boobs and fat guts who wear bikinis on the beach.

    -Clueless people who back into your car, sideswipe buildings and run over your pets without even knowing it.

    -City people who don’t know how to drive during weather changes.

    -People who have t-shirts made with their pets pictues on them and “cat lovers” who smell like a human litter box.

    -Property whores… Ya know, those people who stare out their windows, just waiting to call the police on someone who steps on their lawn or whose dog ran into their yard..Oh and they love it when you have to park in front of their house.

    -Old people who can’t control their bowels in JoAnne Fabrics…Ugh.

    -People who breathe hard.

    -Parents who spoil their children so badly that their children turn into overweight, immature, giggling, crying, attention- whore idiots.

    -Anyone, and I mean anyone, who thinks it’s OK to wear stretch pants, spandex pants or stirrup pants.

    -People who talk to you on the phone while peeing or taking a dump. They truly seem to think that you can’t hear the tinkle, sploosh, toilette paper roll and flushing noises.

    -Who are those people that are capable of spraying their feces all over the bathroom wall, floor, toilet and on the floor… How in the hell is that possible? And, who are the adults who get their jollies by smearing their feces on the bathroom stall walls??

    -People who wreak of body odor so badly that they smell like a pungent sack of rotting onions.

    -Adults with no social skills.. They can’t read social cues, insisting on talking when no one is listening, telling inappropriate jokes, etc.

    -People who are SO proud of their career that they repeat over and over, “As the director..”

    -People who consistently repeat movie titles, actor’s names, movie lines, etc living in a Hollywood fantasy world in attempt to make up for all of their personal insecurities.

    -Those creepy, quiet people who are obsessed with calling the authorities on everyone…the police, social services, etc.. The difference between these people and average citizens is the fact that their claims are bogus, they fear everything and they make several reports per week..

    -People who sue everyone for everything…Lazy, sons of bitches!

    -Families with 10 children who are abusing government assistance…Oh, and my favorite.. People who have multiple children and insist on naming them all by the same letter……Hence, the Duggars…

    -People whose homes smell like soup…Their clothing and belongings smell of soup as well….How does that happen?

    -People who think their obnoxious dogs are cute and allow them to jump all over you. Then there’s the opposite person; the neighbor who poisens people’s pets and pretends to know nothing of it.

    -The morbidly obese physician who instructs you on how to live a healthier lifestyle and reduce your sodium intake…

    -The pregnant woman who only talks about her pregnancy…Every ugly detail…After the baby is born, you get to hear about its’ every move, look at the dreaded baby book, etc.

    -People who place a large importance on “family” even though their families are immoral, exploitive convicts.. These people bail their relatives out of everything and refuse to give to charities.

    -Oh my GOd.. Those people who call into the radio and waste the first 30 seconds of airtime telling the djs “I’m a big fan and a first time caller!” Then they insist on comlementing the DJs with the hopes of getting a personal invitation to dinner…

    -The annoying voice over the intercom in the convenience store.. The montone, irritated lady…

  541. People who don’t know proper plane etiquette:

    – If you have gas, take bean-o.

    – If you are in the middle and need to get out – ask, and I will let you out. This is not the time to test your nimbleness, try to step over my knees and thrust your bits in my face.

    – If you have halitosis, crew some fucking gum.

    – And, it’s probably not a good idea to touch yourself because *you think* the person next to you is asleep.

  542. God, I’ve been waiting to post.
    Got a couple for you, choose at your leisure.

    1. People who play WoW in public (worst)

    2. People who wear oversized gold chains

    3. Women who talk in public about PMS’ing

    4. Girls who try to hard to shake their ass in school (too fucking many of them)

    I hope you consider posting on any of these 😀

  543. Loud classroom typer definitely deserves it. The clacking of keys during class is annoying enough, but during the final exam it is intolerable. Too bad violence during finals is frowned upon.

  544. Dr. Laura Schlessinger. ‘Nuff said.

  545. Anyone who calls Ohio State University “THE Ohio State University”

    It’s dumb as shit.

  546. Histrionic allergy sufferers. I’m not talking people who are reasonable about their very real and dangerous allergies. I’m talking the people who evacuate buses because a peanut fell on the floor. Who deny entire communities the joy of balloon animals because they break out in a rash if they get too close to latex. Who threaten to sue everyone in sight because they’re 24 years old and were too busy stuffing their faces full of cookie to ask whether it had nuts in or not.

    I feel bad for allergy sufferers; it must make it hard to lead a normal life. But people who act as though the world must revolve around their sensitivity to dairy products make my fists itch.

  547. on 02/20/2009 at 7:18 PM | Reply marcusandstevi

    The cute girl on the train who wears too much perfume. Honey, this isn’t Elizabethan England where that’s an acceptable way to cover up the fact that you haven’t bathed. You actually smell way worse when doused in perfume than you would without it. Please don’t sit next to me. Ever.

  548. The guy on the subway during rush hour who seems to think having a penis entitles him to take up a whole row of seats by keeping his legs 8 feet apart. Dude, if you’re worried about your sperm count, don’t; no one will sleep with your inconsiderate ass anyway

  549. I would like to punch that person walking some sort of S-curve while texting. Not only are they texting and letting up on their speed to keep from tripping over their own feet, but I can’t pass them for 10 minutes because they are zig-zagging on the side walk.

  550. Chew tobacco and spit bottles in movie theatres, bars, the library….. who wants to see anyone spit brown shit into a bottle?

  551. The Long-coffee-ordering BITCH needs a nice shiner!
    “Double Ristretto Venti Nonfat Organic Chocolate Brownie Cappuccino Extra Hot with Foam and Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended blah blah blah!”… “oh and make sure you spit in it for me too.”
    The barista is there to server you coffee, not a fucking turkey dinner. waiting in line for you to not only order it, but to wait for it to be made is enough to make me want to drink from the gutter.
    People be considerate of the people behind you, if its got more then two syllables you should not be ordering it, unless you like lugie with that jo.

  552. Emo kids. Emo kids deserve to be punched in the face.

    And Rogue Seat Stealer, that buttbreath that steals your seat the second you get up.

  553. I would like to punch the guy who drives slowly on the highway and then speeds up when you try to pass him so you can’t get around. Then, he slows down again. Actually, a stab in the face would be preferable.

  554. The sales associate that follows you everywhere. You know the one I’m talking about…. the sales associate who just stands around, acting like she’s minding her own businesses, but is watching every single thing you do and when you pick up something asks you if you need help.

  555. I want to punch, or run over, the old people drivers who slow down at EVERY SINGLE FREAKING INTERSECTION whether or not there is a stop sign. These people always get in front of me when I am in a hurry.

  556. Corporations who are running the business into the ground and are giving salary paycuts. That’s fine I suppose it’s necessary, but then to give them via E-mail??? YES – You, SUCK big business…you suck ROYALLY.

  557. “Deafening Car Stereo System Owner.”

    Yes, it’s cool that you like Run DMC. No, it is not cool that you share it with the rest of the world at midnight.

  558. How about that crazy bitch Flo from the Progressive commercials. Everything about that person makes me want to buy someone elses car insurance and slam my car into her at the highest speed possible, then get out and ask her if she get’s complimentary pet insurance with her hospital stay.

  559. Pretentious Professor.
    The one who knows everything about everything, and if he doesn’t it doesn’t matter and if you don’t you are the dumbest student in the history of higher education.

  560. What about dirty old men who prey on young girls in hopes of hanging onto their own youth….or whats left of it. How they spend millions of dollars on designer clothes, vacations, cars to TRY to look young, meanwhile they are old AND saggy and one day that pretty young thing they’re trying to so desparately hard to hang onto will wake up, look at him and puke a little in the back of her throat and and realize he SUCKS…AND HE’S OLD, TOO OLD…. These old pathetic pervs DEFINITELY deserve a punch in the face….sorry REPEATED punches in the face however watch out for the porcelaine veneer chompers…..they probably cost him a pretty penny.

  561. And crocs. People who associate with, like, own, and wear crocs. wtf?

  562. Cottage cheese in jello.

    The word “guestimate.”

    Parents who give their twin children similar names and dress them identically- way to f*** over your children into thinking they have no individual identity.

    People who literally don’t understand what “literally” means.

    People who you barely know at work telling you about all their sexual adventures.

    People who think they can write novels when they themselves never read.

  563. Managers that come into work piss-ass drunk and then scream, yell and throw things at you and the next day don’t remember anything about it. Then they fire you…so they don’t get fired themselves because they are a worthless piece of shit and couldn’t hold down any other job.

    Not only does he deserve a punch in the face, I should drop-kick him too!…Right in the nads!

  564. Captain Conspiracy Theory. I am so tired of these nuts telling me how the government blew up the world trade center, and that conrails, the trails that form behind jets, aren’t wash from the turbines but chemicals sprayed on us to keep us in some sort of mind control, seriously these uber douche need someone to turn off Neo and hit them in the jaw with a cumbersome chunk of concrete…

  565. College students that ruin the curve. What’s worse, is they are the ones that go, “Oh, I know I failed that test so bad…” and then they end up with a 95%.

    Dude- when I say I fail, I FAIL. -And I fail miserably. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. Thanks for ruining the curve and for also making me want to punch you in the face for your factitious behavior.

  566. The girl who talks crap on herself just so that people reassure her that shes attractive or not fat! You know your not ugly and no you dont look fat you size two slut, and no your nose isnt too big. Why do you ask if you already know the answer!??! Would it make you feel better if I agreed with you?

    Or the girl that is ugly but you dont want to be mean when she talks crap on herself so you tell her what she is saying isnt true. Yea, growing up your told if you can’t say something nice dont say anything at all, but when your expected to say something you have to come up with something! like O you may have a huge honker but your big bulging blue eyes off set it…

    Now I understand why women drive men nuts!

  567. Stupid guy who think that they are better than everyone and think they have the biggest dick when they don’t

  568. Public spitters.

    One thing about the British that really disgusts me (apart from the Bad British Hair and the Bad British Teeth) is the frequency with which they feel the need to expel saliva from their mouths in a soggy germ ridden missile.

    People walking down the busy street find nothing wrong with turning their head down to the side a little and spitting. It is filthy and fills me with an overwhelming urge to slap them.

    Even worse, the other morning I was walking down the aforementioned street and my foot slipped a little. Turning around, I realised that I had skidded on someone’s spit which had been frozen to ice in the cold weather.

    Filthy effing beggars.

  569. Just spent a tube journey next to “two seat taker-upper”. Why the hell do you need to put your damn laptop case right next to you? I go to the gym. My gym bag goes on my lap. Why the hell can’t your laptop bag go on your lap?! Stop stealing my ass space. I’m only little, and half my ass was still hanging off the seat. Stupid two seat taker-upper.

  570. Girls who wear Uggs with miniskirts. One is meant for warm weather, and one is meant for cold. They don’t go together.

    Parents who let their children sit and scream bloody murder for a damn toy in the store without smacking them.

    The new deadbeat dad: he’ll take his kids every weekend, he’ll buy them expensive things to make them love him more, but he won’t help pay for medicine. Jerk.

    The crazy lady who feeds stray cats in the neighborhood/apartment complex. Nobody else wants them around crazy lady. Quit leaving cans of tuna out for them.

  571. Overconfident mall cops.

    Congratulations, you’re not a real policeman. So dont preteny like your job is important enough for people to care about what you say.

    You’re not a badass.

    Uppercut to the chin.

  572. People who cut you off while driving and slow down.

    Awesome you jackass, you can speed up until you’re in front of me and then go back to going 15 under the speed limit. These people need their teeth arranged.

  573. Im very surprised you guys haven’t done, the skinny bitch who thinks shes fat or the guy with bad body oder who doesnt know what a person bubble is. Now I just lost 15 pounds and my boyfriends sister is a stick. I mean she ways about 120 pounds and is a tall mo fo! I feel like punching every women who does that! And there is this guy at my work who bathes but just smells and the smell LINGERS!! Disgusting!

  574. The person in the office who has no grasp of anything technological. It’s usually a woman and she has a mental breakdown on the busy days and then cries that no one will help her even though she’s been shown how to do the same task 100 times!

  575. People sitting in the passenger seat of your car that won’t stop nagging about your driving. Shut the fuck up, already! I’m trying to swerve that big truck and your babbling is just not helping!

  576. I would much like to punch the kid who rides his bike around my campus while wearing ski goggles. Its not even snowing out, yet this kid wears his goggles to cruise on his way to class. Making things worse, he rests them on his forehead as he makes his way around the buildings and takes his seat in class, making sure everyone knows he is the one wearing his ski goggles. I could really punch him right through those ski goggles.

  577. Useless facebook application senders!

  578. Emo people. Need i say more?

  579. on 02/15/2009 at 3:48 AM | Reply Mr. Teabagginsworth

    Guy who takes your largest french fry from your combo meal.

  580. the asshole who talks too loud on his cellphone

  581. People who go to a restaurant and order ‘off menu’ Not the stuff that’s ON the menu. Oh no. They don’t want that filthy, shitty plebian food that’s on the menu because EVERYONE can have that (Which is kind of the point)

    They want something cooked to order that ISN’T on the damn menu – and not because of any particular dietary requirement but because they are simply on a powertrip.

    Here’s how it usually works. You go into a restaurant, you look at the menu, you choose from the menu, you eat the food. That’s how most of us do it. But not the ‘off menu’ eater. Oh no. He or she has to TEST just how many petty little hoops they can make those sad, low paid cooks and waiters jump through.

    Although these people genuinely deserve a punch in the face they often get far worse – ‘special ingredients’ in their food, courtesy of the cooks and waiters that they devote their lives to annoying. Moral of the story – never piss off the person who is preparing your lunch.

  582. Crazy Carbon Copier/Reply To All Guy

    This cumcup copies everyone in the office on every friggin email he sends. He thinks it makes people appreciate how hard he works, when it in fact exposes his horrible command of the english language and unwillingness to use spell check. Likely, he ends his messages in “Please Advise”, the two most anger inducing words I am exposed to between the hours of 9-5.

    Whats worse, this douche move forces you to match his turdiness and become Reply to All guy yourself!

    My best advice would be for this guy to never, ever meet me in a dark alley where the head of HR cant see. Otherwise, ill blind carbon copy him on my fists across his chin (and crush his stupid little fingers with my shoe when hes down)

  583. You know who really deserves a good punch or more? The “biotch-who-can’t-take-a-hint”. Like WTF. When we come to the restaurant or whatever with our boyfriend (or girlfriend) and there’s the person who can’t stop tring to get into you or your girlfriend/boyfriends pants. Even when we make it clear to you, the biotch keeps on doing it.

    well you know what “Biotch who can’t take a hint”?
    The only thing you’ll be screaming F**k to is the blow in the face instead of your cock, or a face more wet then your vigina.

  584. the teacher who has no knowledge that there happen to b students WITH LIVES!!

  585. troll doll lady at work. Really why do you need to have like a dozen troll dolls all over your office and desk in the workplace. Is life that bad that rather than nothing or family photos you would rather have a pastic, fat, crazy eyed doll on your desk? do you have a dozen cats to go with your troll dolls????

  586. LOST Maniacs!!! I cant stand when i go to work and everyone is regaling about the last episode of Lost, how great it was, and their stupid theories about what the Hell is going on – because NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS!!! Never has there been a show where the people who are most excited about it seem to know the least about it! Where ever I go; on subway, at the bar, and then when i get home, there are 5 people sitting in my living room all ready to hit the Lostpedia or chat forums before it starts and as soon as the episode is over.

    I get it, I missed out on the 1st 5 seasons, but If i hear one more time..”sorry, cant make it out tonight cos its Lost night” I am gonna shank myself.

  587. carry’s a water bottle everywhere guy – Have a drink before you leave the house. What the hell did people do in the seventies??

  588. harley davidson guy – you know every single shirt is a harley shirt. Really a leather vest over a denim shirt. While we do appreciate advertizing, we also understand you are a dirt bag and it would be best if the moustache is trimmed.

  589. post it note guy – you know the dude who has post it notes everywhere, his entire filling system. What do you mena u didn’t get the memo, it was on that post it note in that folder!!!!! punch!!

  590. on 02/13/2009 at 9:38 PM | Reply Anonimo Fantastico

    Ticketmaster!! They reeeeaaaally deserve it. Rat Bastards!

  591. You know who really needs to be punch are those giggly, dull-minded, “daddy pays for everything” little teenage girls in Forever 21.

    If I see them texting on way too expensive phones, buy more clothes that make them look like a slut, or hear them talk incredibly slow while asking the stupidest shit…I’m not only going to punch them, but their parents as well.

    Make you kid get a job to pay for those expensive slut clothes, actually say no to them, and shove a book in their face instead of letting them watch “The Hills”

  592. Men who wait for me to open the door for them. If they’re on the same side, they step back and let go first but I have to open the door for myself so they can sail through in my wake with no effort. If they’re on the other side and see me approaching, wait for me to push through so they can keep texting because they’re too important to bother with good manners and hold the door open for me to pass before they go in.

    Or, if they’re on the same side as me, open the door in such an awkward way that requires me to duck under their arms to go out. WTF!? Where did that half-assed gesture toward good manners come from?

    Then, there’s the guy who can’t be bothered to hold the elevator door for a half-second for you.

    Guys and doors and bad manners!

  593. The roommate who uses the last of the toilet paper and doesn’t replace it.

    When I need to go, I need to go and the worst sight in the world when you sit down to drop the kids off at the pool is to see that barren cardboard tube that your roommate so graciously left you. He deserves a punch in the face with his towel that he so generously left hanging on the rack for me.

  594. Ok, i got one. What about that woman who comes into the restaraunt with 8 people, no reservation, on a busy night and looks surprised when you say there’s a half hour wait? And then proceeds to bitch you out because you don’t have a table for her.
    Wait, let me just kick all these nice people out for your bitch ass so that you and your horde of idiots can sit down for dinner.

    (I work in the restaraunt so i have PLENTY of people there i want to punch in the face.)

    Those people that stand right at the edge of the bar when you try to get through for drinks to bring to another table. They clearly see you with a tray and don’t move. The next time they don’t move, a very ncie glass of red wine will be spilled on their expensive white clothes.

    There’s the bitch who took up TWO tables where people were trying to eat because she wanted to talk to her friends. And when asked to move, just made a scene until the manager got frustrated and let her stay there. Punch that bitch please.

  595. people who don’t know how to spell legit

  596. Would like to talk partnership/networking opportunities with People That Deserve It and our blog, Stuff that was Cool (http://www.stuffthatwascool.com). Please get in contact and we talk more details.

  597. guy who tucks shirt behind his belt buckle.

  598. on 02/13/2009 at 2:51 AM | Reply Bryan Lewis

    Any Kidney or lima beans that jump into my chili DESERVE A PUNCH IN THE FACE!!!! With the exception of mexican jumping beans..I have a dream where beans are no longer put into chili!!!!!!!

  599. on 02/13/2009 at 2:04 AM | Reply James Howard

    I think the people who should be punched in thier face are the damn beauracrats in office. The bastards give out billions of dollars to big corparations and we as the taxpayers have to foot the damn bill.I want to walk up to them myself and do it maybe then I will get three meals a day. Our government sucks the stink off of a skunks ass.

  600. A know it all boss who has an over enflated ego.

  601. on 02/12/2009 at 11:50 PM | Reply Dan Fletcher

    The cliche college kid to who says lagit and chill every 5 seconds. i cringe everytime i hear it

  602. I am so sick of adults who know better, but insist on leaning back and shouting across the table in restaurants. Are they that self-absorbed and self-important, just rude, just stupid, or all of the above.

    Not once but twice this morning at Buck’s at Woodside, people talking “deals” were shouting at each other, including the blonde who thinks she’s hotter and smarter than she really is.

    Didn’t their mothers teach them any manners? We had to move twice just so we could have a quiet, semi-private business conversation across the table.

    Grow up and use your restaurant voice for heaven’s sake! We are not interested in what you have to say. No, we do not think you’re cool. No, your rights do not supercede everyone else’s right to enjoy their meal.

  603. Stephen Fowler.
    I’m acctualy suprised it hasn’t come up yet.

  604. Just ran into this one. Person who stands right at the door of the elevator. They then try or do pile in really fast without letting people off or even looking to see if people are in there and going to get off or what. People are so self consumed, inconsiderate and rude. Come on man that extra second isnt going to help…you still gotta wait for the elevator to do its thing

  605. How about “Guy who brings kids with him to fill out job applications”? Oh, and top that off with the fact that they barely speak English. Look guy, last I checked I wasn’t employed at a childcare center. I pay other people to watch my kids while I work, so I can give you the number if you need it. And no, I’m not going to watch them while you get an interview. How the fuck can you show up for work if you can’t even come in here without childcare services already in place? Unless your kids are carrying work visas, don’t feel free to turn them loose in my lobby. We may have some translation issues, but I’m pretty sure you can figure out why my fist will be in your jugular before you walk out… only because a punch to the face may result in some injuries to me that I’ll have to pay for out of pocket, since I don’t get free healthcare.

  606. the girls who scream when they go in the rain and start running and splashing every where! It’s just water!

  607. supermarket bluetooth phone talker

  608. Two words: Transition Lenses.

  609. Dog the bounty hunter …more so his wife

  610. i have a few…

    anyone who blows their nose in a restaurant (go to the damn bathroom).

    anyone who ends a sentence with “so”.

    constant texting person at work. (put your cell away it’s not THAT important)

    loud chewer (close your damn mouth).

    person who has to chime in on EVERY topic (could be known as know it all person) on a message board.

    there will be more…oh yes, there will be more.

  611. Drivers who think that merge means talk on the cell phone and drive without paying attention until the person who has the right of way is forced to move so that you don’t crash.

  612. The couple that sits on the same side of the booth at a restaurant. I just don’t get it. Especially when they are the little booths that are made for one person on each side and yet they still try to squeeze both their asses into one side.

  613. Bathroom attendants!

    I do not need your help washing and drying my hands. Let alone for a tip.

  614. Fat person who eats like a skinny person in public.

    Who are you kidding, right? The last time a bean sprout touched your lips is when you passed out after eating 10 lbs of caramels in the produce isle.

    We know you are sweating here of embarassment and when you go home later, say good-bye to that big sexy Pepperidge Farm deluxe chocolate cake you’ve been hiding in the freezer.

  615. The “So what you’re trying to say is…” guy.

  616. People who steal your karaoke song on karaoke night.

  617. “The ‘Family Guy’ Guy”

    Listen. I don’t watch the show. I will never watch the show. So don’t continue with the stupid quote about Whoopi Goldberg or that giant baby that speaks with a British accent to a giant speaking dog or some shit like that. It’s not funny and it’s especially not funny when YOU repeat it. I’m over it.

  618. The ‘one-upper’ — someone who always interrupts your story, with a better one of their own.

  619. Public speaker who comes on stage and says “Good morning!” the audience replies and then the speaker says “I cant hear youuu!” and leads the audience through a whole dumb rigamarole.

  620. The puts too much ice in my beverage fast food worker.

    I hate it when I get my burger, fries and a drink only to find that after three sips that my beverage is gone because the sadist back at the Wendy’s drive-thru filled my lemonade to the brim with ice. I then have to suffer through the rest of my meal without anything to wash my food down.

    This guy definitely deserves a punch in the face.

  621. There are so many suggestions dont know if this is up there. How bout that hybrid of Biker that thinks they are a car/People that walk in lines and block the sidewalk. These bikers ride side by side and are clearly outside the bike lanes. The worst part is, this is against the law and probably involves some dumb girl/wife/mom who can barely ride in the first place and doesnt understand why there are rules to the road. I always want to run them down, but I guess a good PUNCH IN THE FACE will do.

  622. The my story tops yours interrupter

    We have all had that situation where someone asked you about your day or what happened and you start telling the story only to get cut off. The person then tells there story with the details on being bigger then yours.

    That person really deserve it!

  623. The public-washroom-teeth-brusher.

    These are the people that steal your moment of glory on the pot from you because they are obsessive about brushing/flossing their teeth in public. These people need psychiatric help. I’m happy that you care enough about your teeth to brush in the middle of the day, but do you have any inkling of how unsanitary this is? Just imagine how many other people’s germs are surrounding that sink you are using. That’s not to mention the fact that after you’re done SPITTING in the sink, I have to use it to wash my hands. The sound of tooth brushing upsets me so much that all hope of enjoying a worthwhile dump goes running out the door. If there’s anyone that can create instant stage fright regardless of the turtle heads that were previously making their appearance, it’s AUNT BETTY, DDS. This is what gum is for people. Brush your teeth when you get home and leave the public washrooms for shitting.

  624. Nosy neighbors who come to your home’s real estate open house “just out of curiosity.”

    People who leave the seat-paper on the toilet seat after they leave. Ugh!!

    Supermoms who blog about their full lives featuring yoga mats, perfect children, gourmet meals, and magazine-spread quality homes… with full-res photos to prove it all. >.<

  625. Caffeine overdosed infomercial host. Especially the guy with the beard that would endorse arsenic if you paid him 5 dollars. You know the guy in the Oxyclean infomercials, that speaks at a hyper accelerated rate, please punch him in the face and that Vince guy from the Sham Wow infomercial as well.

  626. professional students. 12 years and 4 degrees later, they still don’t have a job…

  627. People who write all about their life on the STATUS/MOOD part of myspace. Example: ..for the first time since i regretfully talked to you on june 2 2007 i’m finally happy with knowing you were the biggest mistake of my life..now i can forget..

    really? Get the fuck over it!

    Girls who are just flat out crazy and talk shit and start drama, but would never say it to your face becuase oh wait… they might get their face punched!

    Liars for sure need to be punched.

    Bicyclists that act like they are cars going down the road, but yet cant stop at stop signs or yield for people walking down the road or trying to cross the road!

    I cant think of anything else…

  628. I second JoJoWazoo. WTF is with those drivers that do 10 kms under the speed limit whilst you can’t overtake them then feel the need to speed up that much when there is an overtaking lane that it is impossible to pass them, only to slow back down when once again you can’t overtake. Are they that insecure that the thought of someone overtaking them will damage their fragile ego, or are they just inconsiderate bastards that enjoy seeing the rest of us tear our hair out in frustration? either way they deserve a few swift kicks to the side of the head

  629. People who do 10mph under the speed limit in the left lane and refuse to move.

  630. People who insist ALL phones are tapped by the Gov’t

  631. People that drive 10 below the speed limit in the fast lane.

  632. Friends who after they get married start using combined email addresses. I am your friend, I barely know your wife, or your shitty kids, so no, I will not mail you at samluvskathy@gmail.com or taylorfamily@hotmail.com. I will, however, punch you in the face.

  633. the person who heats smelly/ messy food in the shared office microwave.

  634. Singing while wearing headphones girl. I don’t want to hear your off-key a cappella. Maybe it sounds okay to you, but that’s because the music in your ears is drowning you out.

  635. People who text while they walk. (Bonus punches if they don’t look up from their phone at all while crossing the street– I saw a girl almost get run over yesterday.) They’re as aggravating as people who text in class/in the movies/in various inappropriate places, with the added benefit of walking slowly the whole while.

  636. on 02/10/2009 at 1:42 PM | Reply pedro fonseca

    ultra-sensitive-fucked-car-alarm non-fixer

  637. People driving alone who use the carpool lane

    I live in CA, and the bigger freeway entrance ramps usually have a carpool lane (for cars with multiple people inside, motorcycles, and low emission vehicles–it’s intended for people whose commute is less polluting than the average person’s). When there’s a 30+ car line for the non-carpool lane, and some jackass in a non-hybrid car that I CAN SEE is alone pulls out into the carpool lane to get onto the freeway a whole 30 seconds faster…that makes me want to go all road rage.

    Also people who drive fast in the exit ramp until the last possible moment before merging into slow traffic–that extra 10 cars you managed to pass is TOTALLY going to make all the difference in your commute. The fact that traffic is slow because of all the jackasses who cut us off last second, forcing us to slam on our brakes and creating a chain reaction that stretches for miles…apparently this logic escapes your teeny tiny brain. Perhaps an application of force to said brain will help?

  638. People who started this site! Keyboard warriors! Probably never threw a real punch in their life! HA HA jk, but not really.

  639. Classmate who mentions the due homework when the teacher has not asked for it.

  640. People who call themselves anything besides their actual name… “Your boy Papa O”

  641. “Extremely Loud- and Violent-Sex Neighbors”

    I’m all for kinky sex, I really really am. But I’m not into my neighbors kinky sex. At top volume. At 3 am. On a weekday. For an hour and a half.

    Seriously, idiots, do you really think the entire neighborhood needs to hear every curse, every scream, every spank, every yell? Cause we hear it, and sure don’t want to. My roomate and I have seriously considered calling it in as domestic violence. It’s either that, or the personal violence of our fists to your face.

  642. “Merge at the last minute” person, the one who decides to take the empty lane even though the reason it’s empty is because everybody has to merge to the right and then, oh my goodness, they find they have to merge to the right waaay ahead of you.

  643. People that breath heavily into phones and or have access saliva in their mouth when they talk on the phone.

  644. “pre-med” students… there’s no such thing.

  645. on 02/09/2009 at 3:00 PM | Reply Shaun McMahon

    Coffee Shop Show Off Lady

    There you are, in line at your favorite java place, and all you want is a coffee. Maybe some cream, maybe some sugar, but just a coffee.
    It’s a buck-seventy-five, your change is in hand, your car is double-parked and you’re almost late for work.
    That’s when the woman in front of you steps up to the barrista and places an order that sounds an awful lot like the description of a main course on Iron Chef America.
    She can’t just order a coffee and drive away in her 75-thousand dollar SUV, which she’s left idling in the handicap spot right outside the door.
    No…she has to ask for a Venti mocha-vanilla-frappa-choco-chai-latte
    with half-fat milk and skim-milk foam with a dollop of whipped cream and a dash of semi-sweet chocolate AND organic cinnamon.
    She wants it in a “to-go” cup with exactly 5 napkins, accompanied by a 19-grain blueberry muffin.
    It’s official, you’re late for work and for the first time in your life, you’ve seriously considered using a biscotti for all the wrong reasons.

  646. Friends who send app requests through myspace and facebook. At first, you go along with it, but it’s so damned tiring getting 20 gifts/stickers/invites every day you’re ready to take them off your friends list.

  647. Hipster, art kids that ride public transportation with their 4 foot long portfolio. We get it, you pay 35k a year to go to private school so you can color in the lines. I think it’s great that you majored in poverty, but your taking about up a perfectly good seat with your arts. Some of us with real majors would like to sit.

    Oh yeah, your parents did a horrible job raising you.

  648. on 02/09/2009 at 4:21 AM | Reply Toonwriterjames

    People who cut you off on the road and then turn on their turn signal. WTF?

  649. Mothers who assume just because they are wheeling around their snotty nosed little shit of kid in a pram that they instantly have right of way where ever they go. Next time you see this bitch do me a favour and show her what we think of her stroller by beating her around the head with it a few times and while your at it a couple of quick jabs to the screaming turd she’s pushing around would be quite satisfying too.

  650. Guy who announces that you have a cold sore on your lip.

    Listen fuckface. You don’t think I know it is there? You don’t think I’ve been picking at it and trying to cover it up with cat litter ALL NIGHT?

    Just when I thought I put enough silly putty on it that no one would notice YOU have to announce to the world like a fuckin Goodyear Blimp in lights…. that I have a cold sore.

    Do I announce that you have green teeth or a huge front butt? Forgettabout the Man titties. I would never say that.

    I’m nice.

    But you have to announce my simplex #1 blister to the entire workforce.

    How’s about I VIOLENTLY blister your jaw. In the sun you Femm?????

  651. Totallt obvious Gay guy who has a wife and kids.

    STOP the dishonesty.

    STOP pretending.

    We know what is going on. You’re not faking us out.

    You are putting on a worse act than Richard Simmons… but at least Richy stays single.

    Dude.. I saw what you did last summer. You’re wife would not approve.

    Listen Tinkerbell. Stop the shinanigans or I’ll clip your wings and stick them straight down your glory hole.

  652. OverPowerful banning website moderator.

    She’ll ban you for saying “your an ahole” instead of “you’re an a hole”

    I like to punch her in ban button.

  653. Guy who purposely won’t let you yield onto the buisy highway.

    I just want to go home and look at free porn. This guy deliberatly won’t let me on the FREEway. speed up. slow down. give me some love.

    NOOOPE. Guy who purposely won’t let you yield onto the highway is apparently a Nascar fan. Can’t let me and the wife and kids show him up on route 95. Can’t give any ground to a strnager.

    I would LOVE to rubberneck his flubberneck.

  654. Old exact change purse lady in the grocery store.

    takes 14 minutes counting out the 37 cents in nickles and pennies out of her change pouch… on the $10.37 in the express, 10 items or less lane.

  655. Guy who you really don’t know that actually responds with an never-ending, depressing-ass sob story after you ask the manditory “how’s it going” passing down the hallway.

  656. Love the website…here are some worthy inclusions

    1- Lane ending ignorer- Your time is no more important than mine douche bag.

    2- Obsessive texter- This guy walks and texts, drives and texts, and probably has sex and texts. Which means he’ll never see the punch coming!!

    3- Put my dog in a sweater (or a purse) girl. I’m pretty sure if dogs could talk, the first thing they would say is “DON’T PUT US IN CLOTHES….WE’RE DOGS!!!” You deserve to be punched…by your dog!!!

    4- Guy that refers to himself in 3rd person – “Jason thinks highly of himself” I think this douche needs a punch..and a grammar lesson!!

    5- Face/body painting sports fan- I’m embarrassed for you because you’re too stupid to be embarrassed for yourself ass clown. Go get your buddies “foam finger waver” and “beer hat dispenser guy” so I can enjoy a trifecta of punches!!

    6- Incapable of turning off my car alarm girl. There are only 2 buttons you moron!!! How do you find your way home at night??

  657. on 02/08/2009 at 10:33 PM | Reply Owen Johnson

    That tall guy in the public bathroom who uses the shortest urinal.

  658. Jerk-off office manager who spends 67% of his time creating memos to notify employees of a procedure change, then writes the employees up for not being able to remember which fucking rules we’re following today, then assigns janitorial/kitchen duty to said employees, all because HE can’t find anything better to do with his fucking life, because everyone hates him.
    Also, office manager who says things like “i know what it sucks, but I have to apply the rules to everybody” and “I don’t WANT to write you guys up but you really leave me no choice.”
    This douche-packer needs a serious punch to the cerebellum, and then some fucking janitor-duty to reinforce the change in procedure.
    Fucking ass.

  659. on 02/08/2009 at 3:19 AM | Reply Jess,Steph&Lyss

    people who sing along too songs and dont know the words

  660. on 02/08/2009 at 2:37 AM | Reply Jess,Steph&Lyss

    these are a couple of people who deserve a nice punch in the face:
    1) the excessive ‘is there something in my teeth!?!?!’ asker
    2) girl who reapplies bronzer and mascara right after they workout
    3) douche that interrupts you midsentence and raises their voice to overpower yours
    4) the quiet talkers
    5) the losers who constantly sign in and out on msn
    6) the douchebag that complains about their mark meanwhile they’re getting a 99.9% in the class
    7) the drunk faker whos had one beer all night


  662. Indecisive supermarket shopping cart chooser.

    Just pick one, and use it, its a shopping cart, not a car.

  663. Sympathy-seeking hypochondriac co-worker

    Misuses-big-words-in-a-lame-attempt-to-sound-articulate guy

    Takes way too many napkins from the fast food restaurant guy

    Big truck driver who insists on parking in a compact car space

    Shares-to-much-medical-information relative

    Overzealous movie line reciter

    Guy next to me on the airplane who won’t stop talking

    Doesn’t know how a 4-way stop works guy

    People who think Larry the Cable Guy is funny

  664. We would like a punch in a face to the perky Rachel Ray for her sorry ass stuffed roasted strawberry from Rachel Ray 30 Minute Get Real Meals. Page 244 If you try it… you will feel like you got a punch in the face. We also think she deserves a second punch in the face for her tight jeans that make her over flow with perkiness. She is giving Katie Couric a run for her money!!!! Infact, this recipe was so bad that we gagged. We actually puked in our mouths. These roasted strawberries tasted as if they were steamed in a dumpster.

  665. “that’s what she said” guy – there’s no need to puntuate every sentence with it

  666. Guy who ruined the ending to Harry Potter.

    The seventh book was like 700 pages, and one guy has to brag to everyone how he finished it in three days. Then, someone else hears this news and has to one-up him saying he finished it in two days. So then they talk and talk about how amazing the ending was and who dies and who was actually good and actually evil, and you overhear them cuz they’re yelling about it at this point. And the 500 pages you have left to read end up being worthless. The entire time you read you know in the back of your head the truth: that Dumbledore is gay.

  667. on 02/07/2009 at 4:23 AM | Reply katrina & pamela

    People who are on a really full bus, and they get so freakin` anxious, like the bus is taking to long.
    Then they start getting twitchy and jumpy,
    looking at their watch repeatedly and glancing out the window sevral times a minute to see how much farther.
    Honestly. Just relax. You drive everybody crazy, and yes, we think you deserve a punch in the face. =]

  668. 14 year old girls who thinks its cool to sit in class and talk about all the guys they had drunken sex with over the weekend. definitley a punch in the face is needed.

  669. To all those women who are pregnant and say ” oh i feel so pregnant, i feel so fat, oh the baby is kicking” we all see that your fucking pregnant. you dont have to go on and on and on all fucking day.

    or what about all those people at work that act like they know everything and just give themselves the title of boss because they know best, they’ve been there longer than the boss.

    and lastely on my own long list, the assholes who incist on showing there ugly ass baby pics to you everytime they get a new pic. i saw the baby the first time it looks the same as 2 days ago.STOP!!!

  670. “Slow HOV Driver”
    The mentally retarded dick hole that drives 20 miles an hour slower than the speed limit in the HOV (high occupancy vehicle) lane that is a single lane and bound by concrete barries on both sides so there is absolutely no getting around them! Then they think you’re the asshole for driving on their bumper and they think going slower is going to make you back off….stupidity in spades my friends…they deserve a punch in the face by the grill of my SUV!

    “Last Minute Lane Changer”
    Last minute lane changing nut job that has zero concept of what an effing U-turn is….drive straight, the god damn building will be there when you turn around 2 minutes from now….you’re dumber than a dead squirrel!!


    I hate the slow change counting cashier when you’re in a rush. Come on! Lets be real….is this your first transaction ever? There is no math involved. No physics. Not even division. Just read the screen, hand me a bottle of Wild Turkey and 2 quarters, 1 dime, 1 nickle and 4 pennies. Peace.

  672. Anyone who talks during a movie
    Anyone that brings their babies to a movie
    Anyone who crinkles candy wrappers during a movie

    Anyone who tries to use the urinal next to you while you’re trying to do your business in peace

    Multi-Tasker Fail guy – someone who tries to ride a bike with a coffee in one hand and a cell phone in the other, or maybe he is trying to read a newspaper while driving.

    Carpool lane slow driver guy, and/or fast lane slow driver – someone who drives slow in a single carpool lane or merges left into the fast lane and drives under the speed limit

    Subwoofers everyone can hear guy – plays his music so loud that everyone in a 3 block radius can hear him as he drives past.

    wait till its yellow to turn left guy – someone who can’t seem to get the balls to turn left on a yield, waits until it is yellow and forces you to run a red behind him.

    Socks with sandals guy – self explanatory

  673. on 02/07/2009 at 12:00 AM | Reply luckynumber13

    I just thought up another one: People who spray Axe or any other body spray on you. They think they’re being funny, but its agrivating and its gonna get them a faceful of fist if they keep going it

  674. Classmates who believe lecture time is time to vent about their personal lives; i.e., their family, work, irrelevant personal experiences, etc. These people think the entire classroom is their goddamn shrink.

  675. on 02/06/2009 at 9:44 PM | Reply SouthDakotaGirl

    –The “Matchmaker” or “Cupid” or whatever you call the lady who is “just trying to help” by always trying to set you up with losers.

    –Needy, insecure, clingy people

    –The Jonas Brothers

    All definately deserving of punches.

  676. on 02/06/2009 at 8:23 PM | Reply LargeMichael

    I’d like to punch the above poster (Nothing better to do) for the comment towards men. Sometimes people have issues that they believe they’ve worked through, but something occurs to show them that they’re not. I think you’re just upset about some poor relationship you probably jumped into that just turned sour. You’re sitting there commenting on how you’d like to punch the men that are cheaters, but trust me, women cheat more often then men do, they just don’t caught as often. Remember that, the next time you’re in a relationship.

  677. on 02/06/2009 at 7:58 PM | Reply Nothing better to do

    And seriously…. What about the people who pick their damn nose while driving???? DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT PEOPLE CAN’T SEE YOU????????? Quit being so fucking disgusting. There are tissues for that ya know?

  678. on 02/06/2009 at 7:56 PM | Reply Nothing better to do

    What I really want to do is line up everyone who has a punch coming to them. Start at the beginning and start running, hitting every single one of THOSE SORRY ASS FUCKS in the head. If your in my line (and trust me, it’s long) you deserve it!!!!! The domino effect…….

  679. on 02/06/2009 at 7:51 PM | Reply Nothing better to do

    To all the ladies….. How about men that tell you that they love u and then decide to split because they had issues to work out!!!!! My advice to you men is GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!!!! If you have such issues than don’t bother with a relationship. Or how about CHEATERS? If you want to be a fucking whore than stay single. Why fuck with someones head???? You only end up getting fucked in the end. You dipshits wonder why women do what the fuck they do.

  680. People that race by you in the ‘asshole lane’. That’s the 3rd lane that’s going to go away up at the next light. Explain something to me…..why is your time more important than mine again?!

  681. slow driver in the fast lane. or people who have personalized liscense plates that you cant understand. or people with the “baby on board” stickers.

  682. Middle-aged college students who sit in the front row of class and suck up to the professor….don’t play dumb, you know that joke wasn’t funny…

  683. Verbal diarrhea person ,people who can’t shut up! The guy or girl that talks to here their voice and tell or talk about nothing and everything that you don’t give a crap about.

  684. The Mayor of San Francisco. A few months ago he has a press conference at a local car dealership encouraging them to buy a car from a San Francisco car dealership. To support the local economy. A month before the press conference he purchases his brand new hybrid SUV….from a neighboring city car dealership.

  685. People who view cyclists as something other than people. They give them less courtesy than a two-ton SUV, but also deny their right to use the roadway like the SUV. Even when they’re reminded what the law says, they still insist on denying their rights, scaring the hell out of them, threatening injury, and making jokes when they die.

  686. How about ” lottery ticket buyer line holder upper.”

    I want to buy a pack of gum but I have to wait 20 minutes while this clown has the cashier check every ticket he has purchased in the last year, then he has to buy 100.00 dollars worth so he can lose again. Heaven forbid he buys 2 of the same kind, he needs one, bingo ticket, and one super 7 and on and on….Please pucnch him in the face.

    Thank you

  687. People who fail to drive off when the traffic lights go green. If you’re at the front of the queue, you have one job, watch the light. When it goes green, you can drive. And for a bonus point, don’t get upset when I flash/beep you because you’ve been sitting there for more than 30 seconds.

  688. overzealous class participator(pant?); internship braggart; the constant allusionist.

  689. “Back Seat Driver Person”

    whether it be your best friend, co-worker or mother-in-law
    there’s no need to highten the chances of causing a car castastrophe when that person is constantly blowing their hot breathe on the backside of your neck, causing rise in pulse and potentially blood pressure.

    grow the balls to say “sit your ass down and shut the fuck up!” OR give them the incintive of buckling down by giving them a good punch to the face. they’ll thank you for it later.

  690. on 02/06/2009 at 2:55 AM | Reply UsernameN/A

    1.the baggae kid at the grocery store who is too lazy to put the bags in your grocery cart.
    2.The guy who doesn’t give any candy out for Halloween
    3.That guy who gives you the headsup that their birthday is coming up
    4. The guy who looks up porn in a public place
    5. the guy who lets you know how much the item of theirs your holding costed them

  691. on 02/06/2009 at 2:33 AM | Reply luckynumber13

    1.) People don’t flush the toliet in public bathrooms and leave others to have to deal with their filth
    2.) People who interupt you in the middle of saying something
    3.) People who insist that whatever you listen to suck
    4.) People who glare at after you appologize after for accidentally bumbing into them
    5.) Guys who flirt with obviously underaged children (can apply to women too)
    6.) People who have to twist whatever you say into a sexual innduendo
    7.) People who insist on spraying cologne, perfume or any other body spray right next to you or in an inescapeable space

  692. Okay,
    I am a teacher and I find it really rude when the parents listen to everything their child tells them, and then, they turn around and try to flush this person’s career down the toilet!!! I work like 100 hours a week and for no overtime pay, and I have to defend myself against 10 year old children who are spoiled brats and used to getting what they want???

    Our society is in trouble… people like that deserve a punch between the eyes!!!

  693. People who write in all capital letters deserve to be smacked.

  694. 1. Grocery store aisle hogs: they park their carts side by side and nobody else can get around them. You just have to stand there and wait while they take 10 minutes to decide what flavor of ramen it’s going to be for their sad lonely dinner.

    2. Fire lane parkers: most often seen outside Starbucks in the morning hours. It’s a fire lane, not a too-fat-and-lazy-to-walk-from-a-real-parking-space-to-the-front-door-for-your-half-caff-soy-latte lane

  695. on 02/06/2009 at 12:54 AM | Reply Tom Gibson

    “Keep jacket on seat beside him even when obvious people looking for any seat they can get” jerk

  696. Hovering person behind you on line. They feel the closer they stand to you-the more their dick is up your ass-the line will move faster. Their hot breath is on your neck, and when turning around to disapprove they actually get annoyed with you for having the audacity to look at them and invade their space. Get a life. Or kill yourself.

  697. people who honk within 1 second of the light turning green.

  698. Fellow co-workers!!! There are many kinds nice ones, nosy ones, sincere ones, annoying ones… the lists goes on and on. Well I have a particular group that needs not just a punch but a good old fashion hay maker right in the kisser.

    To the co-workers that act like they are better than everyone else and have to talk just loud enough so everyone hears you but not loud enough for your boss to hear you. The person that likes repeating someones name over and over just cause you think it has a jingle to it. Well how about shut the hell up and actually do some work. Or the person next to the “Laugher” that bursts out so loud at every little thing that someday you want to just reach over their desk and punch ’em right in the throat. But lately there is this “New House, or New Dog, New Car, New boots” person that obviously makes to much money and has nothing else to do except talk all damn day about their new house they are buying. How come I never hear you talk about a significant other, other than your little dog which is probably fake. I hope you close on your house soon, for the sake of others that actually do your work as you sit there and chat it up. This person should get a nice S-M-A-C-K and knuckle sandwich with a side of please, SHUT THE HELL UP…. Thank you I rest my case

  699. A two-fisted donkey punch to the idiots who either 1.) don’t know or 2.) don’t f**king care how smelly they are. This is an equal opportunity PUNCH Ladies & Gentlemen. It’s those persons who sport an inordinate amount of perfume &/or cologne. Also the opposite, the person whose body odor can peel paint off the opposite wall. Also closely related…The person with nasty B.O. who tries to cover it up with perfume/cologne. YIKES!! That’s just wrong on all fronts!!

  700. The guy who lives in the run down apartment complex so He can spend all his money on a Brand new Dodge Charger with 26″ rims. I’m pretty sure your car payment should not exceed your rent payment while you’re working at Staples. I’m sure the guy thinks he’s “the man” when he goes to the downtown clubs but what happens when he actually gets a chick and brings her home? The equation just does not add up!

  701. non-self-muting heavy breathing in to the receiver conference call guy/gal.

    punch. to the face. pronto presto.

  702. People who cut you off in traffic and then drive slow.

    People who don’t fully clean the snow/ice off their vehicles so snow flies off their car, impeding your vision or harpoons a harmless pedestrian with a 3×5 piece of ice

    People who park in handicapped spaces because they’re lazy

  703. To coincide with my previous blog about the infamous sweatpants bulge is the ever-so classy camel toe. Or for those of you who are behind in the most recent lingo, the “crotch wedgie”. I\’d love to address those individuals who squeeze their way into sweatpants that are two sizes too small. Now, before anyone gets their panties in a bunch (pun-intended) I am not only speaking to all of the “full-sized” women but even those gauntly twigs that order a salad and play with it.

    To capture the unruly sight of a camel toe, one must be willingly to forfeit their meal, for to witness such an event as a crotch wedgie, can result in the loss of appetite. I am not quite sure what would possess an individual to force the lower portion of their body into something that, surprisingly, doesn\’t cut off circulation. However, it apparently is the latest trend in sweatpants fashion; ladies flaunt that booty, strut the hips and embrace those lips!

    Take my advice; loose the sweatpants and squeeze your ass into a pair of jeans, that way the nauseating sight of a muffin top would be far more pleasant than the classy camel toe.

  704. INCONSIDERATE BATHROOM USER- Has any other female out there gone to the bathroom, either at work or wherever and you use the LAST stall furthest away with the remaining bathroom stalls open and just so happens, someone walks in, and of ALL the available stalls, chooses the one RIGHT next to you. So you’re in your stall and all of a sudden, this unladylike woman, or what you may call it, FARTS. I’m not talking just a little toot to cover up the nose of taking toilet papter off the roll, I am talking loud enough for the people on the second floor to hear. Or its in such a fast sequence, this lady can fly off to a Foreign country. C’mon, I know there’s many of you out there, but PLEASE use the stall FURTHEST away from ME. OR to make things better, WAIT for ME to LEAVE.

  705. Immediate-Follow-Up-Email-Sender. This is the guy who is 5 cubicles down from you who sends you a legitimate work email & immediately walks over to your cube to, first make sure you received the email and secondly, he wants to make sure that you understand his request & just wants to know if there’s anything else you need from him.
    Hey buddy. I haven’t even had a chance to read the damn thing yet (because I’m very busy on PWDI). I will take care of it in a timely manner, like I have for the 2 years that you’ve been here!
    Now … go back to your desk & leave me alone before I punch you in your fat Irish neck.

  706. 59/50 sticker hat guy. That sticker is a place to grab the hat after you have been eating doritos ? wash your damn hands. Sticker leaves residue and discolored spots ? REMOVE it before the sun bakes the damn thing on. A swift punch in the face may not remove it, but it would certainly make the rest of us feel better. This is almost as bad as when people used to leave tags on their starter hats.

    Headphone wearing car driver, if anyone deserves to have their face punched off their head, it’s these unsafe individuals.

  707. how about those people who send you those emails telling you that they have some randomly large sum of money and they have to give it to you on an ATM Card so all they need from you is you full legal name, your address, your telephone number, your age, your gender, your height, weight, mother’s maiden name…etc…

    or better yet…maybe the people who really deserve a punch in the face are the ones who actually fall for this bullshit?

  708. The Sweatpants Bulge

    Seemingly, over the past few decades it has become socially acceptable to model off the most recent pair of pajama pants purchased at K-Fart (Or, more commonly known as K-Mart). These ever so flattering pieces of garb(age)s are imprinted with cartoon characters or, my personal favorite, lame attempts at announcing how conceded we truly are. Words such as “hottie” or “sexy” gracefully outline all body types, even those who appear to be made out of cottage cheese.

    However, for some God forsaken reason, men think it is okay to go out in public with their sweatpants on with nothing to support the junk. In my 21 years on this earth, I have never witnessed anything more unpleasant than gazing over at the frontal bulge that unwillingly hypnotizes you. It is like driving by a car accident and not being able to take your eyes of the disaster. When they walk it sways from left to right putting pressure on new areas of the sweatpants that allow is to be so damn noticeable.

    Oh, and dare I fail to mention the infamous public adjustment. Not only do you disgrace the male race by dressing as such but the burning desire to scratch your male anatomy overwhelms you and the hand makes its way south to “realign” what was disheveled from the lack of support underneath those atrocious pants.

    You my male figures who believe going across the street to pick up the morning newspaper or those who attend class on a daily basis in the same sweatpants deserve a punch in the face.

    My next set of individuals to be deemed a punch in the face; The camel toe flaunters.

  709. I have 2 to suggest, but I think they’re usually the same guy:

    Guy Who Drives With His Blinker On

    Sometime in the last 45 minutes you thought about taking a right. You changed your mind, but you didn’t turn your blinker off. You don’t notice that flashing green arrow on your dashboard. Really? 45 minutes and still nothing? Next time you stop at a light we’re going to take a right. A right hook right across your dashboard.

    Guy Who Drives With His Brights On

    We know you can’t see, but now neither can we. Your brights are weapons, only to be used when no one is around. Aimed away from peoples faces. Maybe your hero is Dick Cheney. Who knows. Maybe that was the answer you got wrong on your written driver’s ed test that no one ever corrected you on. Now the rest of the world suffers as a result. Next time you drive around in your fancy car with your license to blind mentality, we’re going to damage your eyes… with our fists.

  710. People who use the word ‘like’ inappropriately. This may not be a face punching offense if you are, like, a teenaged girl who, like, may, like, possibly, like, outgrow this, like, teeth grindingly annoying habit. Most of us fell victim to these types of verbal afflictions in junior high school, but anyone else who engages in this activity definitely deserves a smack upside the head.

    It’s like a linguistic virus (note the appropriate use of the word ‘like’) that is infecting segments of the population who should definitely know better such as newscasters, any english speaking person over twenty, and those jerks who complain in an offensively bigoted manner about the accents of recent immigrants when they themselves do not speak their own language with any apparent skill.

  711. on 02/05/2009 at 1:23 AM | Reply blackangel75

    The Big Woman Who Don’t Know How Big She Is. It’s long, but you know what I mean. You’re sitting in the bus or in the train, it’s fairly crowded; not a lot of seats. But there’s an empty seat between you and another passenger, though that space is enough for a very thin person or a small child (especially at this time with heavy coats and all). Then, Miss Lard Ass comes in and forces her big body into that same small space. She doesn’t sit on the edge, oh no, she decide to try and lean back, making you uncomfortably close the another passenger next to you and so on, and so on. And to top it all off, she does not move an inch until she get off her stop. Hey fat bitch, you know you are wrong if your sitting in a space smaller than your waist. So wait for two people to get up and you have a bigger space to sit. If not, then I make you lose weight the hard way.

  712. Those people who don’t let you finish your sentence without saying that annoying “yeah,yeah,yeah.” And those other turds who finish your sentence for you. I don’t recall ever needing help before.

  713. on 02/05/2009 at 12:38 AM | Reply blackangel75

    At my job when I make an announcement, regardless of how the PA system is working (I will admit, it is a piece of shit some of the time), people would come and ask me to repeat what I just said. OK. But it really ticks me off that I have to repeat myself over and over and over the same answer to the same question. Open you excessively waxed up ear or get out of your “musical world” by taking out your ear buds and LISTEN unless all 10 of my knuckles will do it for you

  714. Guy who sits right next to you on the bus even though there are 20 other open seats.

  715. How about the guy who is about 120 lbs. and wears a beater all the fuckin time. This guy has gone to the gym twice in his life time but he thinks he is the biggest baddest dude on the planet. I live in Syracuse and 55% time its cold as fuck but this dude will take off his coat and be wearing nothin but his damn beater.

    If this dude doesn’t deserve several punches in the face by none other Kimbo Slice than i will personally do it myself

  716. on 02/04/2009 at 9:17 PM | Reply College Student

    Someone may have already said this one, but I don’t have time to read through 800-odd posts, so…

    I think people who make the conscious choice to read blogs that are WRITTEN to be funny, and then leave comments about how angry they are at the writers of the blog deserve to be punched in the face (for an example of this, see #98 about bikers who think they are cars).

    Come on!

  717. Guy who farts in the elevator. Wait thirty seconds and go let it out in the bathroom dickbag.

  718. on 02/04/2009 at 8:32 PM | Reply Coffee really that hot????

    People who slurp their coffee in the morning in the cubicle next to you so loudly it makes you consider resigning your job because the thought of sitting through anymore of this makes you no longer value your paycheck.

  719. The Douchebag who took and publicized the picture of Michael Phelps smoking a bong.

    What? Don’t you know what a breach of stoner ettiquet this is? You don’t take pictures of your friends smoking pot, or even other people at the party smoking pot…it’s just so uncool that doesn’t even register on the uncool meter.

    Add the fact that said pot smoker is an eight time gold medalist and a national hero, and that you then feel the need to ‘put the photo out there’ for all to see makes you all the bigger of a douche.

    And BTW, if he won those gold medals while stoned, he deserves double gold medals.

  720. This person Joe… what an idiot.

    on February 4, 2009 at 7:52 pm joe

  721. Thanks for reminding me, joe, of people desperately in need of a punch to the face: anyone who refers to Barack Obama as Barack Hussein Obama or worse, B. Hussein Obama. Regardless of how you feel about the man, making cracks about his middle name (which he shares with a lot of other Arab or Muslim men), is a stupid cheap shot that almost always sends the debate so far down hill that it’s below sea level. I mean, what if John McCain’s middle name was Janice? Would that change any of your views about him? I mean, Hitler’s middle name was Elizabeth and knowing that doesn’t make him any less of a douche.


  723. People who get off on the 2nd floor on the elevator when its going up or people who get on the elevator at the second floor when its going down… I want to punch them in their faces every time.

  724. I would like to suggest a punch in the face for the girl that thinks that because she has fucked every single one of her guy friends that in some way she is not a total slutbag. Get real everyone at the party has been inside you get over it you are a SLUT.

  725. I would like to suggest a punch in the face for Bathroom cell phone talker Woman. You know, the one who holds a conversation DURING the actual act of relieving herself. First of all, what kind of message does that send to the person you’re talking to? “Hey…this is what I think of you”. Nice. Also, why are some women so convinced that the whole world wants to hear them pee? Seriously, like it’s some magical thing?

  726. Mall Sleepers (and public sleepers in general): serve them up a piping hot round of face punches, my treat. These are the folks who go to the mall and arrange themselves in the comfy ‘husband’ chairs, relax their lower jaws, let their big ugly heads flop backwards, and sleep like they were doing some kind of study on narcolepsy. If they’re sooooooo tired, WHY DID THEY LEAVE HOME????????? I hate these people and would love to wake them up with my knuckles. I also hate ‘parking-lot-car-sleepers’ who wake up and look all disgruntled when you pull up beside them and rudely interrupt their nap by slamming your car door. Again: GO HOME, DOUCHEBAG.

  727. Pushy people. You’re giving them directions right……….. well they talk to you during them asking questions. Why don’t you wait till I’m done!!! Maybe I answered it but you have to know right now!!!!! I hate when you are getting directions up on mapquest and you know that they want a close up of the street. Well the page load is loading, not everything is downloaded yet and they point to were the magnifier should be. RETARD let me finish. I can’t do anything till I see the freaking icon! I know its there, just chill the f out!

  728. I can’t stand those who but into your conversation and think that you want to hear their comment. Obviously they weren’t in the original conversation, if you wanted their opinion you would have invited them into the conversation in the first place. And I can’t stand those who comment on everything. People who listen to your conversations. I WANT TO PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  729. Middle aged men who douse themselves with too much cheap cologne while working out at the gym!! That’s the most annoying thing ever! I can still smell their cologne minutes after they have gone by. Worst of all is when they work out next to you. Sweat and cologne do not mix! Are you trying to kill me? I’m huffing and puffing while running on the treadmill. I don’t want to burn my nose!

  730. First off:

    People who get to the top of an on-ramp and stop because they are afraid to merge.

    The handheld device punk ass (by age group):

    Kids who play video games while they are out with their family and refuse to put the damn game down, no matter what.

    Those kids become teenagers that always have ipod headphones in and crank the volume to 11. I saw a play that had an EMINEM soundtrack thanks to the teen next to me.

    Those teens grow up to be the the person who responds to emails on their Blackberrys during meetings instead of participating.

  731. Senior level communications VPs who type with TWO FUCKING FINGERS. Yeah, you’ve really got a lot of credibility when you talk about the future of the internet as you hunt & peck. Get some freakin qwerty lessons.

  732. people who are at the checkout then run off to get something they forgot. meanwhile, their groceries have all been scanned and the cashier is waiting for them to return and I am annoyed because I have to wait on them too since all my stuff is already piled on the conveyor belt!

  733. people who sniff all the time!! that’s what a tissue is for!

  734. on 02/04/2009 at 4:33 PM | Reply BravoPeters

    People with large sagging breasts who refuse to wear a bra…

  735. #101
    IT Departments that take the server down during prime time work hours

    First off, IT departments are apparently in a dimension of their own with their own warped time frames. They must not realize that shutting the server off during the hours of 9:00-5:00 really fucks everything up. To make matters worse, while the server is down, they email you to let you know that it is down. News flash asshole, we cant even check our emails. Then the douche bags waltz through your section to see who things are. Bad idea! War zone! I am about to get medieval on their asses and turn my server down right on their face.

  736. Any celebrity or sports figure who thanks Jesus Christ for the award they about to receive.

  737. Two-faced People

    How about people that are nice to you when you get them alone, but disrespect you when they are in a group. My socialite neighbor thinks she has the perfect life and if you don’t have a high prestige job then she thinks you are scumb. It’s too bad that my daughter is friends with hers. The biggest mouth in the neighborhood and I have too see her at the bus stop everyday. She is supposed to be a church-going Christian, my ass! She definitelty deserves a one-two punch.

  738. on 02/04/2009 at 9:48 AM | Reply MIKE MCLEAN


  739. on 02/04/2009 at 8:20 AM | Reply blackangel75

    I’m a conductor in transit (fuck you, and your booing). But even you have to agree with the shit that I have to go through on my train and in the subway.

    1. People who hold the doors to ask other passengers for directions. Also, people who can’t make up their mind whether to step in or out of the train. Hey dickweed, people in my train need to get to where they want to go. How about I close the doors on you head to knock some sence.

    2. People who come waaay to close to your face when asking a question. Dude, back up a taste. The subway are noisy but I can still hear you.

    3. The trains are crowded beyond capacity, and some moron comes in with a bicycle/shopping cart/oversized babystrollers/3-4 oversized luggage. I’ll get a Shawn Michaels complex and give them Sweet Chin Music on these bitch asses.

    4. People who uses only ONE doorway on the train. Hello, each show has 4, count’em, 4 doorways in each car both sides. You all look like fucking lemmings.

    5. When someone says (me in particular) that there’s no room in a subway car, THERE’S NO FUCKING ROOM! Wait for the next train.

    6. Kids (most importantly girls who feel the need to swing and twirl around the poles like strippers. Way to indicate your future employment. Also guys who feel the overhead bar is good to do pull-ups. You can’t wait to go to an actual GYM to get your workout on, bootyscratcher?

  740. People who tailgate or cut off someone on the road! really, don’t they realize that there could’ve been in an accident right there

    People who try to push themselves for a good deal on a product by yelling, pointing at the price on the bag, looking at their family or friends for support, and trying everything possible just to save $20

    People who talk on their phone with a crying baby in their arms at the counter!!! OMG!!! i hate them!!!

    People who try to act like the victim when they were the ones who caused the drama! They try so hard just to get people to feel bad for them when really their just lame and deserve to be punched

    People who come an hour late and never call to say their late

  741. people who leave gum like their own personal land mines everywhere they go.

  742. On public transportation- People who sit in an aisle seat next to an empty seat and then act put out when you want to take the empty seat next to them. Rolling of eyes, exhaling loudly, and taking extra long to pack up their crap makes me want to punch them extra hard!

    People who leave their laundry sitting in the washer/dryer at an apartment complex for hours making everyone wait, need to be punched extra hard so that they’ll remember next time.

    People who put garbage in the blue bins. Last I checked coffee grounds and half-eaten salads aren’t recyclable.

    People who don’t use turn signals. Are they slowing down because something is in the road? Are they having engine trouble? No, they’re just turning and don’t feel the people behind them need to know.

  743. guys that go to gay clubs and dry hump all the women. it’s a GAY CLUB. the majority of women in there are GAY. please keep your denim cock to yourself. We don’t want it rubbing up on our leg when we are in the middle of dancing with our girlfriend. i have punched a guy in the face for this.

  744. Ok how about D-Bags who won’t give up the seat on buss, train,(insert public transit here) to a 80 year old grandma of 5 holding three bags of groceries, instead blue hair’d betty bounces off me and the other standing riders like a pinball machine.

  745. How about the clueless asswipe who thinks that yelling into their cell phone improves their signal strength. There’s always at least one of these clueless tits on every flight I’m aboard. You hear their self-absorbed yammering all through the plane while you’re waiting to taxi for takeoff or rolling in tot he gate from the runway.

  746. The know it all jerk. I gave a speech about CFL light bubls and mentioned that the incandescent bulb was invented by Edison and some ass was like actually it was some other guy. He did this to like everyone’s speech. What an ass!

  747. The “food fling” requests on fastbook.
    They deserve to get windmilled in the face plus a extra jab in the gut.

  748. My boss who thinks he can make decisions about my life, while the job market is so bad.

  749. Gypsies!! And people who think they are gypsies.

  750. I agree with Hansel about guys that wear sunglasses on the back of their heads. They need a punch to the back of the head where their nose should be.

    Seat recliner man/woman on planes and busses. Coach seats are cramped enough- Just because the seats can recline as far as they do, doesn’t mean you should take every available inch forcing the person behind you to stare at your scalp!

    CEOs – Flying in on private jets to beg for tax payer money and redecorating their offices for a million dollars while people lose their jobs is definitely worth a punch to the skull!

    And Ann Coulter definitely needs pop in the kisser.

  751. Control freak PA.
    You know the one, the job description seems to attract them like flies.

    I’m talking about the Personal Assistant who is always freaking out about milk levels in the office. She’s also the one who leaves helpful notes in the kitchen like ‘Your mother doesn’t work here so clean up after yourself’. Or freaking out if you ask for a few post-it notes, like the post-it note budget is coming directly out of her wallet.

    Once I one-two’d her to the face, I’d totally take the opportunity to raid the pen stash.

  752. While I am all for people having wheels on the bottoms of their suitcases, because believe me lugging your life in a couple of bags without wheels is fucking ridiculous, but the invention of the knapsack with wheels is by far the most annoying and lazy invention in the history of space. I mean if these things were larger than like a usual bag, I would understand, but really these things are mid-size to small and the weight in those things, unless you’re stealing from fort knox, really isn’t that heavy.

    But this isn’t the worst part, the worst is that they turn every damn street in the world into an airport. There is a time and a place for those donkeykartesque carrying machines, and the sidewalk, the hallway, the bus, the subway platform are not those places. Worse still is that they are usually lawyers and mature students at university, which gives them a holier than thou attitude already. And when they travel in packs, or in a line….. done get me started.

    I would have already punched these annoying perps in the back of the head, but their bag on wheels gives them more than an arm’s length between me and them. I suppose I’ll have to wait for them to stop…. wait they keep the bag fully extended behind them when they are stationary and take up more than 3 peoples personal space. I suppose they will rule the world with impunity… le sigh.

  753. the bad wingman

    everyone knows what i am talking about, you head to the local bar with your friends and you see a young lady that could be your future ex wife. so you notice that this young lady has a den mother of sorts, you devise a plan with a bud who you thought would swoop in and disstract the den mother.

    but what does he do instead this fuck decides that he wants her to be his future ex wife. he swoops, steals, and slides off with her. and you are stuck with the den mother. thanks mike
    i hope the next time you do that a fist comes flying out of her crotch hits you in the nuts and as you drop to your knees uppercuts you through the face.

  754. on 02/04/2009 at 12:47 AM | Reply Nothing better to do

    I got one more……. On the whole driving thing….. How about people who brake at the simplest things. For example a FALLING LEAVE. Or if they see one snow flake they are diving 2 miles an hour. If your that afraid to drive GET THE FUCK OFF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!

  755. on 02/04/2009 at 12:41 AM | Reply Nothing better to do

    People who “sing” a song thinking that they know the words but have NO FUCKING CLUE!!!!

  756. on 02/04/2009 at 12:32 AM | Reply Nothing better to do

    How about people who take management positions and and have NO CLUE WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE DOING???? I

  757. Guy who doesn’t take off his hat during the national anthem. I anxiously await the day that it is legal and encouraged to punch that dude in the back of the head for being such an unpatriotic, ungrateful bag of shit.

    Person in front of you at starbucks that orders shit for everybody who works at the office.

  758. people who talk during a movie, or those couples who do things at the movies when you’re sitting RIGHT next to them.

  759. -your boss who makes 8 dollars more an hour than you and asks “what does cursive writing look like?” seriously he ask that just yesterday

    -yes indeed the stupid bitch that writes a check and balances her checkbook seemingly oblivious that there are 30 other people in line behind her! Idiots! This is the 21st century you know!

    -stupid fuck doing EXACTLY the speed limit in the passing lane! you know that lane is actually for PASSING ONLY!!!!

    ahhhh I could go on and on and on and on…….

  760. Mall kiosk sales people who can’t take a polite no for an answer.

    If I tell you no once, I shouldn’t have to say it again. If you make me say it again, I have every right to be rude.

  761. We all have met this person…The ‘please, go kill yourself’ guy. Most famous for reciting this phrase when you are unaware of some old pop culture that no one gave a shit about. Everybody was raised different, and maybe there’s some shit people didn’t read, listen, or watch when they were little because they didn’t give a shit. So please, Sir, ‘please go kill yourself.’

  762. When you give the cashier a twenty and they say, “Do you have anything smaller?”

    No. I do not, or else I would not break this lovely crisp piece of paper for a pocketful of hand sweaty, pee smelling change.

    Maybe I need bus money. Maybe there is a beggar who needs a few bucks (excluding ungrateful ones, see #30). Maybe four 5$ bills in my wallet makes me feel richer than one $20 bill in my wallet right now. We are in a bloddy reccesion, ok?

    No, I do not have anything smaller.

  763. billy mays,

    you need to take your voice off of CAPS LOCK.

    i’m tired of you screaming at me about the “mighty mend it”. you might say it fixes everything…. but i doubt it’s going to be able to repair my ruptured eardrums.

    your incessant yelling has guaranteed you a fist in the face… two for the price of one if you don’t shut the fuck up right now!

  764. The guy at work who seems to have an answer, comment or opinion on EVERYTHING. You know who I’m talking about…he’s the one who has to pipe in on any conversation occurring within earshot even when it does not concern him…or he’s not being spoken to. It’s the same guy who claims to have the answers on “how to” do whatever it is that you may be momentarily having trouble with even though you are not asking ANYONE for help. He’s the guy that goes online to “google” a topic and pictures of said topic so that if you didn’t know what he was talking about before, you will now. This is the same guy who hangs out at or around your desk (or if you’re as unlucky as I am, he sits in the same office as you) and constantly drones on about something he feels is worth discussing…even if you don’t acknowledge him in any way (eye contact, “uh huh”s etc), he still rambles on. He’s the one who you don’t want to start a conversation with, or ask for help (or even indicate in the slightest that you may need help) because you know he’ll go on and on and on…even if you were stabbed in the jugular and could have your last moments listening to someone, it would NOT be this guy…he’d tell you how he used to intern in a hospital and will KILL YOU with his detailed story of how this SAME thing happened to a patient one day…ok, a bit extreme, i know…I sit within 5 ft of THIS guy…I’ve got some pent up aggression.

    It’s the guy who nobody else likes, or can stand, and he JUST DOESN’T GET IT!

  765. that person that said hes the first man(with female organs) to be pregnant and does not want publicity while being on tv EVERYTIME hes pregnant.

  766. jerks that drive 55 on the freeway and flick you off when you cut them off

  767. How about Sub-Prime Mortgage banker? Thanks for the recession douchebag.

  768. Ten Miles Under the Speed Limit Driver. Enough said.

  769. on 02/03/2009 at 6:57 PM | Reply Success Story

    We used to have a problem with who I call “Wouldn’t Take a Hint Guy.” It didn’t matter if you had a boyfriend, fiancee, husband, or girlfriend. If he thought you were “hot” he would hit on you and try to touch you every chance he got. My friend Natasha reminded him repeatedly that she had a boyfriend but it didn’t register until one day she got tired of him constantly coming up behind her and trying to give her a shoulder rub so she turned around and PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE! I saw it. It was BEAUTIFUL! He finally got the hint that she was 100% NOT interested in him.

  770. the Im going to go 45miles an hour in a 65 right in front of you while im talking on the phone and smoking a ciggarette guy. Come on, seriously…

  771. At the airport: The assholes who immediately crowd the gate when they announce that your flight will begin boarding, even though they’ve announced that they’re only boarding first class and people who need assistance.

    By looking at you, there’s nothing first class going on, and the only assistance you’re getting is an elbow in the ribs from me when I attempt to make my way by you when they call my group before yours. Look, you’re not going to miss the fucking plane. Sit the fuck down and wait until they call you.

    (I took a picture of this phenomenon last time I was at the airport, but there wasn’t a place to submit it to this site.)

  772. on 02/03/2009 at 5:29 PM | Reply missymelliott

    Kara – is your real name Jennifer?

  773. on 02/03/2009 at 5:07 PM | Reply Mercyhurst

    In response to the rocket 101 morning show about this web site and to the caller who stated “The Mercyhurst student who is too lazy to shovel thier driveway and parks on the side of the road instead and who’s ‘mommy and daddy’ pay for everything”

    The person who deserves a nice hard headbutt is the out of work, nosey ass nieghbor who has nothing better to do than bitch, complain, and make assumptions about a “lazy” college “kid” (25) who works over 40 hours a week to pay bills all the while attending school full time. Heres a thought, if it bothers you that much, take the 6-7 hours a day you spend staring out the window at your nieghbors and shovel my damn driveway.

  774. Angelina Whorelie and her lame husband that that whore stole .. watch out for your husbands/boyfriends .. the tramp will attempt to steal them .. and that pathetic ugly ass husband of hers isn’t any better for being a lying cheating “man” whore ..and that whore needs to stop having kids .. no one whats a world class whore as a mom .. im sure that tramps knees have never met .. and i don’t see whats so great about her .. she sucks as an actress and she is sooo ugly

  775. The guy (or girl) who finishes the coffee pot in the morning and puts it back on the burner empty. Is it that hard to just put some grinds and a new filter in the coffee maker and push one button?!?!?!?

  776. on 02/03/2009 at 4:12 PM | Reply Chris Julian

    The annoyingly chatty co-worker. Y

    ou are busy and bogged down with work but they feel the need to ramble on trivial BS from their life that you couldn’t care less about. And if it seems like you aren’t paying attention, they will repeat themselves over and over again.

  777. the retarted guy at work who nobody likes and you can’t help but make fun of. i’m talking about the so called “mouth Breathers” that have there mouth open all the time and just look like an idiot. they can’t talk to customers without saying ummmmm after every second word. you all know who i’m talking about the guy with the big geeky glasses and is slightly over wieght and calls it his beer gut. they have a mid 90″s chevy truck, rear wheel drive, carries his sled in the back at all times, (quad in summer) and thinks he can take any 4×4 truck in an off road challenge. I’m specifically talking about Bryngle, in Saskatoon Saskatchewan Canada Pennzoil 10 min Oil change.

  778. Parent’s who don’t control their children! Especially in public!

  779. Parents who let their children scream in a dining room and do nothing about it, not the parents who try to do something and then end up leaving im talking about the ones who let them scream and yell and throw food all the whiling giving you the stink eye because you actually thought you would get a peacefull dinner your only paying a mim of $40.0 for.

  780. Impatiant Self Check Out. The person who can not wait for you to bag your just purchased items before stepping up to the scanner and whipping products down the conveyor belt crushing your eggs and chips with their gallons of milk.

    will it kill ya to wait another second or two until I’m done bagging my chips and dip!!

  781. Oh,and lets got forget that people on the charity ads. They inturupt your program to tell you a miserable and probably untrue story of some homeless kid and then repeat a number at you seven times in a row and call you a bad person… Charity is great and all but DAMN there is a point when it just goes to far.

  782. Anyone who gets on a crowded bus and loudly announces “We all need to back up!”.

  783. People who text when you talk to them. I don’t care if your “listening” to me,don’t text during a conversation.

  784. Asshole drivers of big ass SUV’s Hummers, Trucks, etc. who for some reason think that their big ass vehicle can fit in a compact space thus making it so I have to use a fucking can opener to get my car out! Assholes like this should take the bus!

  785. on 02/03/2009 at 12:05 PM | Reply LargeMichael

    People that treat MySpace.com as if the world revolved around it. Most commonly seen in the teenage crowd, but also known to affect the early 20 somethings. I hear people walking through the mall saying something like this: “Did you see that Kyle took me off his top friends? I can’t believe he did that! I’m not going to talk to him until he puts me back up there!” Also, anyone that believes that MySpace.com is the most important thing in the world.

  786. sorry one more….

    the “are you gonna finish that” guy

    really??? You can finish it if i get to punch you in the face

  787. Parents who let their kids order at restaurants.

    Look here parents I’m a server…and even to people who are also there trying to get their order taken don’t want to wait forever because your precious little baby doesn’t know what they want to eat. Either ask for more time or know what they want…and if they are to afraid to ask for it…ASK FOR THEM!

    one more thing…don’t let them run around and scream like its a playground…all its gonna take is one high knee to the mouth…or a fist to yours…keep them calm and all will be well

  788. The ipod party shuffler. This is the douche that interrupts the flow of songs at a party to put on their favorite tune for about 20 seconds before switching to a new one.

  789. The Urinal Etiquette Breaker

    Those people that choose to pee in the urinal right next to you. There is an unspoken law that you leave at least one urinal of space (unless wall are present) in between when peeing. You either wait or use the stall those are the rules. I don’t want another man 6 inches from me while I have peeing.

  790. To the D-bags who pump their gas and then leave it at the pump while they go pay for said gas, yes, you deserve a punch in the face.

  791. Whoever came up with these types of adds and expects us to believe them, they deserves punches.


  792. Drivers who cut you off and then drive slower!!!!!!!!

    I’m convinced people are given a license without being tested

  793. The One Upper!

    When one fo these guys are with ear shot of you telling a remarkable story of passion, danger, excitment and surprise, he’s there to fuck up yours and everyone listenings night. because for some reason he is compulsed to Tell you his story which is remarably similar but the dumbell was 20lbs heavier, or the girls tits were 1 cup bigger, Or the dude he beat up was 2 inches taller, his Chevy was 2 years older. Next time I’m going to punch him 50 times harder.

  794. the cable company. they suck.

  795. People who dont return their carts to the cart return…leaving them out in the middle of the parking lot or even just a few feet a way… why the hell cant you walk the extra 2 feet? i mean wtf

  796. Yoga class personal space invader.

  797. The French
    Come on now, we all know they deserve it! Just about time for a swift punch to the face no?

  798. 1) Drunk chick who thinks going in the men’s bathroom is cool. There’s always a long line for the women’s room, and she has to announce her intentions to the whole bar/club by shouting, “I don’t care! I’ll go in the men’s room!” She thinks she’s the coolest lady in the place because she’s willing to enter the men’s room. Gives women everywhere a bad name.

    2) Drivers who pass on the shoulder of the freeway during a traffic jam while the rest of us are putting along at 25mph

  799. Ever work at a fast food place and are expected to give your customers everything that’s on the menu, except you’ve got a crappy regional manager who orders your stock once a year and pockets the rest. Then we have to deal with the crazy customers demanding pretzel dogs we DON’T have! Or orange soda that has been out for a month. To top it off your regional manager is worse than a high school gossip queen? hmm, this ones for you Dee Phillips over at Auntie Anne’s in Harrisburg, PA! Punch well deserved. Right in the forehead. Maybe we can knock some sense into her! 😀

  800. the neglective straw giver at drive thru’s

    this straw tyrant who forgets your straw when you order a drink, does he forget or does he not care.
    and when you ask for one he/she looks at you like its your fault that you don’t have one. these are the people whose heads should get stuck in their tiny little drive thru window and a barrage of motorists drive by with piping hot knuckle sandwiches satisfying their hunger.

    so i say if you work at mcdonalds like a lot of us did remember the damn straw i (as well as many others) know that the $7.15 an hour wage is big bucks and you believe that you are better because you control the straws. so next time someone gets a drink pull your head out of your ass and check the bag.

  801. Woman who sits on giant exercise ball at work.

    Seriously, sit in a fucking chair.

  802. people who bring one year olds to pg 13 movies and let them run around and be noisey and get upset with you when you ask them control their kid!!!!!!!!!!


  803. Administrators of The Wherever Company who preach about being “here for the customers”, and how important it is to “go beyond the job”, but then have security have the construction workers move their trucks when they have parked in Ms Thang’s place. Can’t even go tell them herself. Holier than thou doesn’t look good on anyone but especially not people who supposedly are making a unity front.

    AND….managers at corner drug stores and fast food places. Are you kidding me with your love of yourself. Oh yeah, you climbed the corporate ladder…it only had three rungs dip! Whether you’ve made shift manager or not you still smell like greasy fries when you get home! Get off your high horse, yeah come down here …let give you a punch in the face!

  804. This one goes along with the bicyclists in #98. The bikers who ride the wrong way on on a one way street, do not stop at stop signs or traffic lights just because no cars are coming the other way (to hell with the pedestrians in the middle of the road), and run down pedestrians, people walking their dogs, runners, etc.

    I sometimes run out in front of them when they refuse to stop at a traffic sign or light when I have the right of way running just so they have to hit their brakes and almost fall of the bikes…

  805. The “king shit” of row 36, seat “F” (window) that has the seat belt unlatched before the airplane is at the gate, then procedes to push his way through like his ass is on fire so he can hurry up and wait, while his smelly ass is in your face and nowhere to go.

    This guy needs a good shot in the mouth!

  806. Douchebag who drives at or under the speedlimit in the far left lane on the interstate.

    Especially when they’re going the same speed as the other cars in the next lane, they don’t take the hint that they should merge.

  807. The roommate who complains about the apartment being cold in the winter, but then walks around barefoot, in shorts and a t-shirt. These people seriously deserve a punch in the face.

  808. Guy who NEVER washes !!!
    You know …that guy you work with who’s clothing gets steadily dirtier and smells like he only changes shirts every third day! Not to mention you see him walk out of the bathroom over a hundred times without washing his hands!!! (and he wonders why you never get anything thing when he runs out to get lunch??) …
    Next time you catch this douche bag sneezing into his own hands before handing you the report to check over while you fight not to hurl… do not resist the urge to punch this a** hole right in the face… just be sure to bring a lot of anti bacterial soap for when your done… you never know if it could be contagious…

  809. Ear bud Guy~

    Much like the blue tooth guy a not so distant cousin is the ear bud guy. He can be seen standing in the Taco Bell line relaying his order to the clerk for a bean burrito. His player is clearly off yet he continues to keep his signature “white” ear buds plugged into his ears as if to advertise some sort of ipod status.
    “Yea, I’m cool, I listen to an ipod”
    Correction, NO, your not!


    No explanation required.

  811. A punch in the face to overly-zealous/rude t-shirt fans of universitys they never attended and couldnt have gotten into in the first place. So what if you’re shirt is covered with the logo of the “rival” of my school? I actually GO to the school I’m wearing! So shut the F up about “your” team beating mine. Get a life wannabe!

  812. A punch in the kisser to those who like to wear freakin’ house slippers and PJ’s out in public. Most of the time they are going to the Housing authority checking on their section 8, going to the store buying cig’s and beer with food vouchers. Get a life!

  813. Anyone that blows their nose in public!!!!!!There is nothing more disgusting. The most recent case of this was seen on The Bachelor when one of the girls was begging and crying, and BLOWING her nose on a napkin.

  814. on 02/02/2009 at 4:08 PM | Reply Nikki Benedict


  815. how about people out shopping in the mall on a saturday but they think its time to go out for a sunday stroll…when all you want to do is just be able to pass them do what you need to do and get out of the mall.

  816. The goddamn annoying people on the bus or metro who think that everyone else is interested in hearing what’s on their stupid iPod!! They have the music on so loud that you can hear their Iron Maiden playing at 7:30 in the morning.. I could punch those bastards…

  817. on 02/02/2009 at 2:49 PM | Reply Maureen Chase

    how about the people who “bottle-neck” down two-lane highways so all 20 cars & trucks behind them can’t get through!!!

  818. The roommate who gets calls at 2 in the morning and doesn’t get off the phone until it’s time for you to get up. WTF!!! Really? Really? What the hell do you have to talk about at 2 in the morning. I know more about this shmucks life then I’d like already and now I have to listen to his loud conversations through paper thin walls! Come on, either whisper your whole conversation or get ready because i’m going to knock your teeth out of your face!

  819. OK last one I swear! Mr angry at the world and its everyones fault but his own. Hes pissed off that he wrecked his car, or that he got caught drinking and driving. Is he mad at himself? NO he blames the world and hes gonna take it out on YOU!

  820. How about really really bad dancer. Thats oblivious to the fact that his dance moves really look like random full body spazms. No I dont wanna back it up on you. No I dont wanna dance…..AGAIN. I think you stepped on my feet ten times, almost knocked me over three, and have the entire dance floor laughing at me, and we were only dancing to “Paint me a Birmingham” GEEZE!

  821. PSYCHO EX GIRLFRIEND or (boyfriend). We get it, you used to date them. We get it, you WERE in love. We ALSO get that YOU dumped THEM. SO GET THE HELL OVER IT! Quit crying, writing stupid Myspace blogs, doing DUMB CHILDISH surveys about how you want to PUNCH the new girl on the scene (and anyone that pays her a compliment, like the KARAOKE DJ), and OH YEAH the STALKING needs to stop too. ITS OVER as you so eloquently put it to them MONTHS AGO. MOVE ON PLEASE!

  822. How about the asshole that drives 10 mph under the speed limit on a two-lane highway!

  823. People who intentionaly walk in the street when there is a damn sidewalk RIGHT NEXT TO THEM…. idiots..

  824. Cyclists. I’m all for exercising, but if you are in the middle of the road during traffic, thus creating more traffic, you need to be punched in the face! At least pull over to the side so we can all go around you and go on about our business.

    Spandex. Unless you’re one of the Olsen twins, no one looks good in spandex. Yet some people think that everyone wants to see the jelly rolls. And also on cycling … the spandex may make the guys more aerodynamic, but if I can almost see your junk flopping out …. no.

    People who use “big” words to impress their friends. Obviously, no one wants to be known as stupid. But when you’re just making it up – come on. Really? Irregardless? Just use the smaller words, and no one will know the difference, unless you’re at a Harvard-esque penis-comparing contest.

  825. on 02/02/2009 at 11:14 AM | Reply BlackAngel

    People who ask for change for a dollar (or two dollars) when boarding a bus. There’s a store right behind you, and can’t ask them for change that you turn to the “well dressed bum” and start begging for quarters?

  826. on 02/02/2009 at 10:37 AM | Reply BlackAngel

    First time on this site, and I love it. That said, my rant. Anyone who park their car or stop their car on the crosswalk. It’s called a crossWALK for a fucking reason. People who STILL has their christmas decorations up, we’re a month removed from 2009, TAKE THEM DOWN ALREADY!!! Guys (and their sons/nephews)who wears mohawks, the stupidest hairstyle ever invented. In defense, only one person should be allowed to have one (anyone who grew up, and not born in the eighties know who he is). And, especially, men and women, from middle-age to preteen, who wear their pants half-past their ass. Even parent who let their kids wear pants in thar fashion. Every one of these “people” deserve some sweet chin music, but for the latter, if they ever get in a foot persuit with a 300 lbs. overweight cop with doughnut in his hand and still get caught, then it was well deserved.

  827. How about the guy banging on plastic pails with drum sticks on the subway platform?

  828. Your “Friend” Who Your Girlfriend Leaves You For.

    He hopes that you and him can still be friends, and feels really bad about what you’re going through. Yet, he has no qualms about dating her, regardless of the length or seriousness of your relationship with her.

  829. Roommate who must have the AC up full blast AT ALL TIMES.

    It’s January and you’re wearing a sweatshirt, bitch, how about letting me feel my fingers for a change?

  830. not sure if this has been suggested but anyone with those “baby on board” signs on their car window. do they honestly think that will make me less likely to crash into their car???

  831. It’s really a group and not a single person, so I’m not sure that it counts, but credit card companies that jack-up your rates even though you are responsible so that they can lower the rates of the douchebags who bought a bunch of shiat that they don’t need and can’t afford to pay for. I want to punch everyone of those asshats.

  832. (1) Tandem Baby Stroller Pushing Parents.
    (2) Mobile Phone Talking/Texting Baby Stroller Pushing Parents.
    (3) Far Too Fast Moving Baby Stroller Pushing Parents (who seem to use their baby the way Hamas uses Palestinian civilians)

  833. I don’t know if this was put on the site, but what about the people who are falling asleep and can’t control bobbing their heads. Then all of a sudden you find that person slowly falling almost touching your shoulders but not quite. It’s very uncomfortable yet funny.

  834. on 02/01/2009 at 5:02 PM | Reply Witch King

    People who are sick and yet won’t stay home from work thus infecting everyone else….

  835. on 02/01/2009 at 2:01 PM | Reply largemichael

    People that refuse to walk the extra ten steps to put away their shopping cart. Seriously, I drive up and down every aisle at the store and finally find a spot to park, but wait, is that a shopping cart in my way?

    I witness so many lazy people just push the cart to the front of their car and leave it there when if they walked to the other side of the parking aisle, they could just place it in the “cart corral”. Do people just think it’s there for decoration?

  836. Nickelback…for real

  837. The “it’s not you, it’s me” break-up initator. Either you’re too scared and passive aggressive to tell the other person what’s wrong with them, or it really IS you. Either way, you suck

  838. The Room Store lady. I hate her.

  839. I don’t know if these have been suggested yet, but here are a couple of people who deserve it.

    1) Anyone with a walkie-talkie type phone. It’s probably the most obnoxious way to have a conversation ever.

    2) Cindy Sheehan. Not for her beliefs on the war, but for the shameless grabbing for media attention and for chaining herself to the white house gates because her son (who volunteered for the army) died.

    3) Coming from New York, I hope you agree that anybody who thought “The Gates” in central park were worth the 15-20 million dollars deserves to be punched.

    Also, people who quote any of these movies:
    Borat, 300, Scary Movie, Epic Movie, The Dark Knight

  840. Turns right from the center lane lady

    She’s usually driving a minivan with a soccer ball decal. She puts on her right blinker but never bothers to pull over to the shoulder for her turn. Instead, she drives right down the center lane, brakes, and makes a hard right. I’ve got your hard right, right here, lady.

  841. The Boom-Boom Music Apartment Guy…

    Really, jerk?! I’m coming home from work not entering a dance club, ya jackass. Nobody else wants to hear it.

    I’d love to dot that guys eye. Jeez!

  842. Last Minute Orderer. It’s five minutes until you shut the doors and already you’re starting to clean up, starting to watch the clock with anticipation as you think of all the things you have to do this evening, when all of a sudden, Last Minute Orderer comes in and lays down an order that will guarantee you’ll have to stay longer to clean up, all the while being oblivious to your hate-filled gestures and veiled threats. Bonus points if once he/she/it gets there, he/she/it stares at the menu for several minutes as though trying to decipher the location of the holy grail.

  843. Movie Food Smugglers

    You’re already seated, waiting to watch the next Oscar nominated film so you don’t look like a moron at you’re girlfriend’s stupid Oscar party… You’ve spent $20 on your medium soda and popcorn. You’ve accepted that fate. Suddenly you hear an obnoxious crinkle of a plastic bag.

    The perpetrator just sat down a few rows in front of you with a large coat. They’re pulling out plastic bags full of refreshments they bought from the dollar store…including the stale bag of “Okee-Dokee” popcorn.

    One would think they’d ditch the plastic bag and attempt to conceal their deception…but no. Throughout the movie, they continue to reach through the plastic bag, crinkling through it to reach their smuggled goods as you hear the obnoxious sound and it distracts you, despite premium THX sound and semi-comfortable seating.

    If, in the lucky case they have a glass bottle in one of their bags, you should help them consume it by grabbing the bag and smacking them right in the gobbler.

  844. Obnoxious Movie Theater Popcorn Chewer:

    Suddenly, all forms of evolution have halted and these ignorant, de-evolutionized morons forgot that a heaping handful of popcorn doesn’t fit into their mouth without making an awful noise that will ruin anyone’s $12 movie experience and over-modulate and ruin even the best THX surround sound a moviegoer could buy.

    They also tend to forget to close their mouths while chewing, forcing the entire theater’s audience to listen to their oral lovemaking with their salty, crunchy snack.

    Their giant bag of 1200 calorie popcorn, next time one of these crunchy offenders is seen – should be shoved down their throats and followed by a round-house kick to the face.

  845. The sniffler…the one who when the entire rest of the classroom is dead silent taking an intense exam that makes up 50% of your final grade- sniffles a vat of recycled mucus back into the deepest crevices of their nasal passages only to ooze back down the nostrils to be sniffed up again. Whether their style is more closely related to Snuffy the Snuffalufagus with a megaphone or the chronic sniffler that does it between each breath– they all give you the intense desire to yell “JUST GET A FRICKEN KLEENEX!!” followed by a punch…which may cause them to cry and just sniffle some more…but it is inevitable.

  846. People who decide to stand in the doorways of exits/entrances. Loiter somewhere you won’t get in anyone else’s way, moron!

  847. People who think they’re cool because they have every single song from Guitar Hero on they’re iPod

    People who don’t have the time to capitalize, punctuate, or they over use the “!” “?” keys by talking like this!!@!!!111!!!111!!!111111

    College students who play PSPs in public

    21 year olds that own every single video game in existence.

    People who seem to think that every single mp3 player are iPods.

    iHow Steve Jobs iHas iTo iPut iA “iI” iIn iEvery iProduct
    (That gets really annoying)

    People who have a picture on they’re myspace that kinda have that angle looking down at them. Or the bathroom mirror picture.

  848. The Starbucks employee who insists on correcting me every time I say, “I like a double espresso.” Doppio, really? It’s like I’m not smart enough to speak Italian, I mean Starbuckese. Is trippio even a word?

  849. People who pull your laundry out the second it’s done.

    I’m always on time, within 2 minutes max of the washer/dryer being done… I give folks 10-minutes room just in case they forgot, or were taking a shit, or perhaps fell asleep… 11 minutes and your shit’s on top of the dryer.

    I had some bitch rip a shirt because it got tangled around the drum and she was too much of a cunt to let me get it 30 seconds after the load finished, and yanked it out of the washer.

    The first time, I’ll just open your dryer door when there’s 55 minutes left… Next time it’s a punch to your larynx.

  850. People who don’t pick up their laundry after it’s done so that you’re forced to look like the ass when you take their stuff out.

  851. on 01/29/2009 at 8:12 PM | Reply EMS_TraumaQueen

    People who don’t move over for the ambulance with all the pretty lights and the loud noisemaker on. Wherever they are going is soo much more important apparently. Or worse, those idjits who just stop in the middle of the road, freezing like a deer in the headlights when they see the ambulance in their rear view mirror. Do they think a 12,000lb ambulance can stop on a dime? I’d like to give them all a punch…of course, I’d bandage them up afterward, it’s my job.

  852. Person with aisle or middle seat on airplane that gets to row first and takes the window the seat.

  853. I think AC is a ginger . . . I’m sorry you’re life is an empty soulless shell, but there’s no need to be angry about it.

  854. People who say they hate ‘Gingers’, “frotches”, “fire-crotches” etc. Also those who though “kick a ginger day” was funny. Maybe if you are in Jr. High.

  855. Those parents that blame everyone but themselves for their childrens behaviour! ( It’s not my fault its the schools/rap videos/metal music/violent videogames/etc that made my child crazy/rude/violent/go on the maury show)

  856. and I also don’t like fatties who pretend they’re people too. haha jk. but no really.

    it’s been 5 years and it’s not like he just saw it for the first time this weekend cause he was just chilling with some guys who were talking about it and he was all like “I ain’t ever seen it” and everyone was like “o you have to I have the dvd” fuck no this guy was first in line for the flick that changed the summer of 04 and he’s been lovin’ every single line for the past 67 months so he’s gonna turn every lull in a conversation to the perfect opportunity to pop in any “I love lamp” “I’m kind of a big deal” or “I’m in a glass box of emotion” that comes to his mind in that self important anchor voice that sounds nothing like any of the actors in the movie. nothing against the movie but it’s no longer relevant. leave it alone and just let it become a classic rather than beat it to death.

  858. People who borrow stuff and never bring them back


    People who borrow stuff and bring them back dirty/broken

  859. I’m with Lindsay. I work PT at a convenience store and every so often one of these self-absorbed MF waltzes up to the till without bothering to make a definitive break in their conversation to tell me what smokes they want. The one time some self-important bitch tried that with me I just stared past her head, totally ignoring her, a half-smile plastered on my face (all the while running a most satisfactory vision through my head about said phone suddenly bursting into flames and setting her head on fire). After about a minute or so, she realized that I wasn’t paying any attention to her and actually stopped her conversation long enough to snarl at me, “well, aren’t you going to get my smokes?” at which point, I gave her a beatific smile and replied, my voice at its most facetious-ness, “Oh, I’m soooo sorry, were you talking to me? I couldn’t tell. What was it you wanted again?” I got a dirty look, but it was so worth it. And, if it’s a teenager, I just tell them point blank to turn off their phone or I won’t ring in their Redbull: I use my mom voice and it works.

  860. little dog person.hey i understand, you love your dog, we all do, but that doesn’t mean you have to take it everywhere. another thing, they are dogs, not infants, please stop carrying them.

  861. Stand in crowded entrance/exit doorway, texting, talking on the cell, checking contents of purse/wallet, oblivious to the fact that no one can pass without walking sideways and holding their arms over their head.

  862. OK one more and I’m done:

    The person who thinks turning on their hazard lights means they are allowed to park anywhere.

  863. While I’m here I’ve got a few more:

    1) Twilight fans for making the biggest pussy of a vampire in history famous . . .

    2) . . .Robert Pattinson (sp?) for making Bram Stoker and Bela Lugosi turn in their graves.

    3) The guy in line at the airport who forgets to take off his belt/watch at the metal detector.

    4) The guy with the window seat on the plane who has to pee 3 times on a 2 hour flight.

    4) The cast of Grey’s Anatomy

    5) People who “can’t believe you don’t watch Lost!”

    6) Taxi drivers who honk at you half a second after the light turns green.

  864. What about the Do Not Cross Signal Ignorer? I’m driving to work with a green light in front of me when all of a sudden this oblivious oaf (most often homeless) decides to ignore the steady red hand posted before his/her eyes and cause me to slam on my brakes while he/she leisurely strolls across the cross walk. Honking at them will only exacerbate your problem as they begin to rant about their right of way as a pedestrian. Next time I see this person they’ll be getting a fist to the temple at 35 MPH.

  865. little dog person.

  866. Coworker Who Eats Lunch That Smells Like Warm Piss

  867. on 01/28/2009 at 5:06 PM | Reply greatslack

    Pajama-pants-to-school guy.

    You remember back in grade school, during “spirit week”, there would be Pajama Day? Well this guy liked the idea so much, he thinks that everyday is Pajama Day. C’mon, dude, we ALL got out of bed 5 minutes before class, but the rest of us have enough decency to put on normal clothes before we walk out the door.

  868. I’d lie to punch the extremely fat person who takes their time strolling onto the train, and then wedges their fat ass into a way-too-small seat between you and the next person. And if having them partially sitting on your lap and cutting off your circulation isn’t bad enough, they proceed to take inventory of everything in their pockets, backpack, purse and whatever else they are carrying, and when they’re finished with that, out comes the cell phone to make that 6:30am “I can’t ride the train for 15 minutes without calling my daughter” phone call (most of the time in some brutal-sounding language such as Russian or Polish), followed up by a coffee shooter which inevitably ends up on your lap when the train stops short in the next station.

  869. Gingers

    They are vile and disgusting creatures that search the earth for souls. They appearance make me throw up easier than rosie odonnell, naked. They deserve to get punched, and killed

  870. gingers

    they are the worst piece of crap in the world

  871. Oh god… you have to do a post for people who talk on their cell phones while checking out at the store… seriously?? Do these people have no respect for anyone?? I think that is the rudest thing EVER!! What makes these people think that they are so damn important that they can talk on the phone while you are doing them a service, and then give you the stink eye when you ask them a question, as if you are interrupting their oh so important conversation… If anyone deserves to get curb stomped, its these motherfuckers.

  872. Changes-into-trainers-to-walk-to-and-from-the-office Lady.

  873. The person who walks with an umbrella when it is snowing. Besides looking like a complete douchebag, they take up all the space on the sidewalk.

    This is similar to No Umbrella Etiquette Lady, but an umbrella in snow is completely unnesscessary and redundant!

    This person deserves a punch in the face with the business end of an umbrella!

  874. Racists

  875. My detachment Chief. that is giving me an ulcer from all the unnecessary stress that he’s causing. I know long hours are all part of det life but Jesus Mary and Joesph coming in at o dark thirty to fix bullshit gripes really chaps my ass

  876. Gingers

    They are sooooo pale, and are disgusting to look at. They dont have souls, and if you come into contact with one you could contract gingervitis.

    They deserve a big punch right in the face

  877. on 01/28/2009 at 12:19 AM | Reply Corey Tegeler

    Those fucks who take all of their pictures using different effects in Photobooth on their Macs and then brag about how good they are on the computer.

  878. Self inviters.

    ‘Hey so what are you up to this weekend?’
    ‘Oh, just going down to the local for a few beers with some friends’
    ‘Oh cool, i’ll be up for that. see you at 8 then?’
    ‘uh… yeah..’ *blood boils*

    Give them a punch.

  879. Green Peace street corner activist who ask questions that make you feel like a douche for saying no: “Excuse me, do you care about our environment?”

  880. The guy in front of me at every salad bar, ever who must… pick… the exact… three… right… tomatoes. And then pick… the exact… five… mushrooms. And then…

  881. People named Renee? Isn’t an ´ supposed to be in there?

  882. Matt C.

  883. The lottery ticket junky, who have dozens of lottery tickets to check and even more to buy, keeping me in line for 45 minutes when all I want is a stick of gum.

  884. I would like to punch the guys at my workplace who relate every incident at the work place to something that happened in the movie, Office Space – thats the whole point of the movie and yes, i have watched it enough number of times to realize the similarity of the incident. Also, I wanna punch the people who bring seinfeld references, they have re-runs in 99 channels in the evenings already and i dont want a re-run at work!

  885. another traffic-related complaint…people at tollbooths who take forever to hand their money over. you watch for their arm to stick out the window signifying their imminent departure…yet it never comes. instead youre left waiting, wondering why they weren’t prepared and why in the world they want to make conversation with the tollbooth person instead of go back to the comfort of their own home. don’t they have enough in their own life to converse with on a daily basis? why do they suddenly become chatty kathy when they come to a tollbooth? do they think their time is more precious than mine? do they not see my headlights behind their car signaling them to move on unless they want a swift kick to the behind?

  886. people who ride your ass on the highway–when you’re in the right lane going at least 80mph and the left lane is wide open. why in the world wouldnt they just go around you? its almost like theyre trying to punish you for going slow (as if 80 is slow). so they ride your tail for a long time and just when you think theyre going to follow you to your destination, they finally switch lanes. but not before cutting ridiculously close to you, laying on the horn, and flipping you off all at the same time.